Tag: Brokeness

The Church

Today’s a new day! As I continue to walk out my faith, sometimes I get a little confused. The following is not a knock on the Church. I personally love the Church. The following is just some of my thoughts and concerns.

Growing up, the Church taught me to love my neighbors, to model the life of Jesus. To be kind and considerate, and to stand up for the bullied and marginalized.

The Church taught me to love people, consider others as more important than myself. “Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight.” We sang it together, lifting our hands and singing that chorus at the top of our lungs.

The Church taught me to love my enemies, to even do good to those who wish to do me harm.

The Church taught me to never hate anyone and to always find ways to love and encourage everyone I come in contact with.

The Church taught me it’s better to give than to receive, to be last instead of first.

The Church taught me that money doesn’t bring happiness and can sometimes even lead to evil, but taking care of the needs of others brings great joy and life to the soul.

The Church taught me that Jesus looks at what I do for the least-of-these as the true reflection of my faith and character.

The Church taught me to focus on my own sin instead of trying to police it in others.

The Church taught me to be accepting and forgiving.

I paid attention.

I took notes.

I took in every lesson.

And I did what I was taught.

But now, so many churches and Christians call me a liberal.

A snowflake.

You call me “woke” without even knowing the true meaning of the word.

You call me a backslider.

You call me a heretic.

You call me a confused believer.

You tell me my beliefs are probably the reason I am sick. Yes, I have been told that on many occasions.

When the Church passed out the “WWJD” (What Would Jesus Do) bracelets back in the day, I wore mine proudly.

I took the meaning to heart.

I thought the Church did too. Apparently not all churches.

Because sadly in 2025, it appears lines of division have been drawn in the sand. Sadly, so many in the Church have such disdain for nearly all the people I was taught to love. So many in the Church stand against nearly all the things I was taught to believe in. I am trying to see a way forward, but it is getting hard when I survey all the hurt, harm, and darkness that I see coming from so many Churches and Ministries in this season.

So dear Church, what am I supposed to do with all these questions and concerns?

I truly believe what I read in the scriptures. Especially those red letter parts.

And today, I still believe everything I have read in the scriptures. I lean into all of those truths. The words and promises of Jesus keep my faith strong, when it would be so much easier to throw my hands up and walk away from it all. But I will never allow anyone or anything to steal my faith in Jesus.

Which leaves me wondering, what happened to so many of the churches and ministries in America? So many seem to have lost their way.

Thankfully grace is brave. So I will make the choice to be brave and keep leaning into the beautiful truths of God. ~OC

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Guidance Through the Journey

Today’s a new day! As I continue to run this crazy beautiful health journey, I have leaned on so many different scriptures from the Bible to guide me through this journey. Many lessons have been learned. Today, I want to share some thoughts from a few scriptures.

O Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am! Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath! Selah ~ Psalm 39:4-5

Before my health became such an issue back in 2002, it was easy to live life like I had unlimited days before I died. I think most people, especially men can think they’re bullet proof, indestructible to life’s constant flow of burdens and blessings. Part of me acted that way until my life dramatically changed twenty-three years ago. Suddenly my mortality caught up with my body. The thought of dying reminded me I might not experience another anniversary with my bride. I began to value each day as God’s unique gift even more.

I believe because of my faith in Jesus, death means eternity in heaven is instant upon death. If as Christians we truly believe this, why do we sometimes live like our purpose is for this life alone? Denial–we think, if we do not think about death, it will stay at bay, or at least not depress us. But death is one of God’s reminders of why we need Him in every area of our lives. Our inevitable death is cause for utter dependence on our heavenly Father. Death’s unpredictability calls us to God’s predictability.

So death, tell me, where is your victory? Tell me death, where is your sting? It is sin that gives death its sting and the law that gives sin its power. But we thank God for giving us the victory as conquerors through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One. ~1 Corinthians 15:55-57

So by God’s grace, how can we live like we are dying? One way is to embrace and celebrate each day as a gift from God. A beautiful gift not to be squandered in self focus or taken for granted with thankless prayers. Living a life of gratitude adds energy to our life and attractiveness to our attitude. Another idea is to enjoy what we have, not obsess over what we do not have. So stop living a life of keeping up with the Jone’s, which can be overwhelming and steal our happiness. Instead choose to live a life of contentment that can contribute to our peace of mind, physical health and emotional wholeness.

Lastly, we gain a heart of wisdom when we treat each day as an opportunity to be an ambassador for God. To be Hope Dealers. To have hearts focused on serving others and pointing others to Jesus. To humbly share the wisdom of God for the purpose of people knowing Him. Wisdom has a sense of urgency based on the fact that Christ is in control, but aware that today may be the last day to invite another soul to Jesus. We live like we are dying when we share the everlasting gospel of Jesus Christ with others. Because we trust Him with our soul, we die daily and trust Him with our life.

Help us to remember that our days are numbered, and help us to interpret our lives correctly. Set your wisdom deeply in our hearts so that we may accept your correction. ~Psalms 90:12

So today, make the choice to live for more than that next raise, vacation or item on Amazon. Instead choose to live a life of significance. ~OC

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Life With Chronic Illness

Today’s a new day! What do you do when you don’t get better?”

I became chronically sick twenty-three years ago, after being diagnosed with several types of crippling arthritis. It would be a year later after taking many experimental medications, that I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. Then over the years, I would be be diagnosed with the following: Young Onset Parkinson’s, Myasthenia Gravis, Gastroparesis, Covid Long-Hauler, Complex Headaches, and recently Early Onset Dementia. Oh, and a stroke several years ago. It truly has been a crazy beautiful health journey.

I became a Christian when I was ten years old. I will be the first to admit, I did not always live the Christian life in my early teenage years. When I first became ill, some people in the Christian community began to weaponize their faith against me. They would say that I wasn’t faithful enough, or that I must have some type of unresolved sin in my life. Sadly all these years later, I still have some Christians screaming that in my ear on a weekly basis. At times over the years, I felt judged and disliked by many in the Christian community. That is never how Christianity, or any faith, should be. For me, it wasn’t just what conversations were being had—but also how.

The sad part is that the people who wanted me to not lose faith tried to make it harder to connect with God and other Christians. Some people over the years have made the excuses, “Well they mean well.” I truly do not believe that. I believe it actually shows their true heart. I am thankful that during this crazy beautiful health journey, God has surrounded me with some amazing people who have helped me through this difficult season. I am also thankful I have never lost my faith during this journey.

As I continue to run this crazy beautiful health journey, my goal is to not allow those negative voices to have any influence on my life. I also decided early on in my health journey to help others walking through their own health journey.

I share all this because I know that I’m not alone, and I want others to know that they aren’t either. When you’re feeling attacked, beaten up, remember that God loves and is with you. I am sorry if anyone has made you feel like that isn’t the case. What people believe is their choice, but no one has the right to weaponize their faith. That sort of human hurt harms those in the disabled/chronically ill community that may be struggling with their faith.

In Isaiah 54:10 we read, “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the LORD, who has compassion on you.” Being chronically ill can very much feel as if everything is being shaken up and changed—at least that’s how I have felt at times over the years.

I no longer know what each day will feel like, physically, let alone have a clue about what I may be able to do in the future. But God’s love doesn’t change when we are in tough situations (or any situation.) He is still with us. He knows the truth of our situation and still loves us.

Some passages that resonated with me, and may be appreciated by those reading this post, are those about us being fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139: 13- 14), Psalm 86-15, and Ephesians 1:5-6. That is about YOU. You are loved beyond words. Think about John 3:16. That’s not just for the able bodied and minded, it’s for ALL of us.

If you can relate to anything I have written, the following are a few things that have helped me. Just remember this journey is different for everyone.

*Don’t bottle things up. I encourage everyone to find a trusted friend, pastor, counselor or support group to share your feelings with. It may be difficult at first, but I promise you’ll be glad you did.

*Take this current season of life slowly. Remember, life is a marathon not a sprint.

*Do not give up on the Christian community or the Church based on some misguided people. Remember, there are no perfect people or churches.

*Find out what works for you in your journey with health issues and your walk with God. One size doesn’t fit us all.

*Spend time in the Bible and listening to worship music. Both have helped bring peace and clarity to my life during my health journey.

* Remember, sometimes God does not give us quick answers to our prayer request. I encourage you to embrace the lessons God is trying to teach you during this difficult season. All of us whether healthy or chronically ill have a different journey. If chronic illness is currently part of journey, you are just as worthy as anyone else. Please embrace that truth today.

I hope and pray this post will encourage and challenge everyone who has taken the time to read it. Thank you! ~OC

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Dear Dementia,

Today’s a new day! As most of you know, I was diagnosed with Young Onset Dementia caused by Parkinson’s last September (2024). As I have walked through the past few months, I have thought about this diagnosis and what it means for my future. So I thought I would write a letter to dementia. Hopefully it makes sense.

Dear Dementia, I often wonder if you were a person, what would I say to you? So often dementia tries to fill me with anger, sadness and frustration. But thankfully, I am able to fight off those emotions most days. But some days all those emotions get the best of me.

I think I’ll start with I am a little frustrated with you dementia. I dislike that you’ve made sharing my thoughts and having conversations a little tougher these days. I am a little frustrated that being social has become a bit more difficult for me. Since I am in the early stages of dementia, I have learned a few tricks to hide my struggles from people. But I cannot hide those struggles from myself and that makes me frustrated at times.

I am frustrated that you try and fill my days with grief, loneliness and sadness. I am saddened that some friends find it too difficult to call or visit because they do not know what to say. I am frustrated that you’re trying to take away my memories too, with you being all consuming; you sometimes make it hard to remember how things were before you.

But dementia despite all the frustration sadness and grief, I still choose to live with hope and embrace every moment of life. My bride and I still talk about future plans and trips. We will not allow you to become our identity. We celebrate those days I feel like my old self. Almost like the fog has been lifted. I embrace those days because they will not always be around. I embrace simple moments with family and friends a little more these days. I am thankful for those friends who still choose to treat me like me. Please keep doing that. Even on those days, I might not totally seem like the old me.

I am thankful that God continues to walk this journey with me. He is bigger than dementia and all the other health issues trying to take me out. They may get the best of me some days, but they will not get the victory. No, that belongs to God and I will continue to hold onto that truth.

Dear Dementia, in some ways you have taught me the true value of unconditional love, and I will use that to defeat you. I will never give up on loving my life, loving those in my life and never ever give up on beating you. You’ve brought pain and suffering to so many people’s lives, snuck in and attacked the most vulnerable. But by working with medical researchers and families affected by your cruel actions we will learn new ways to defeat you. One day I will be part of ending you, as you will never be able to take away the unconditional love that fills me up and guides me along this crazy beautiful health journey. ~OC

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Hope in the Storm

Good Morning! Here is another “Lost Writings from OC.” I wrote this back in March 2019 while in the hospital.

Today’s a new day! As I have walked through this crazy beautiful health journey, I have found there is hope in the middle of my battle. I do not say this lightly, as this health journey has taken a lot from me physically. But, as I continue to walk through this battle, I have felt the presence of God and He continues to remind me that He always gives beauty for ashes. 


Beauty for ashes can look like oil of joy instead of mourning, a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair, and a closer relationship with Him. God’s love fulfills our every need, not only in the natural but also in the eternal.

I want to share some Bible verses that have helped me as I continue to walk through this season of health issues.

“Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy! I look to you for protection. I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until the danger passes by.”~Psalms 57:1

I pray that you see it’s God’s mercy that has you here. I do not know what your storm looks like, maybe it looks a bit disheveled or completely unrecognizable. Whatever the case might be, God is a permanent safe place; His refuge isn’t one that collapses or gets overwhelmed by a storm surge. No, it is filled with great peace that surpasses all of our understanding. God is where we can place all of our trust.

“The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights. ~Habakkuk 3:19

As I studied this scripture from the Old Testament, this is what I learned. A hind is a deer that can place its feet exactly where its front feet stepped, not missing an inch. A hind lives in mountainous regions and can run the terrain without fear. They are truly free even when crossing difficult paths along the way. I believe this verse is saying that God does the same with us. In His great sovereignty, God reshapes our feet to fit the mountain we are climbing. I pray it brings you some strength as you walk through your own storm.

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”~Romans 15:13

I pray as you walk through a season of storms, you will see God as your hope. Hope that devastates all brokenness and holds us through what we couldn’t imagine through the heartache. We can always call on our Heavenly Father, who gives us great joy and peace that stands in the face of everything we might be going through right now.

“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”” ~Joshua 1:9

This verse sounds like a bold ask when in reality it’s a bold invitation. Be strong and courageous because the Lord is with us because He has never left and intends to go before us wherever we go. What a great promise from God who led Joshua and the Israelites into the Promise Land. That same God lives today and is there for you and I. So take heart, for God has overcome the world.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I pray that this verse finds you on both sides. Some of you have found yourselves in great need of comfort from our Father of compassion. Others have been comforted and are searching for ways to do the same for those in trouble and currently dealing with the storms of life. I want to lift up the first of you who were so blindsided by all the damage done and be expectant on how God will use His people to give you a helping hand and abundant love to get you through. For those that fall into the latter, I pray that God will give you healing hands as you go out into your community and renew your strength daily to not grow weary in doing good.

I know this post was a little long, but I hope it brings you some peace and comfort if you’re currently walking through a tough season of life or just coming out of a trying time. God Bless ~OC

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Dear Friend,

Today’s a new day! Here is another “Lost Writings of OC.” This was written in 2019. Sorry it’s a little long. ~OC

Dear Friends,

Several people have reached out to me who are dealing with their own crazy beautiful health journey. So I thought I would share some words that will hopefully bring some encouragement. In the last couple of weeks, my doctors have shared I probably only have months to live. I say this to you, not to discourage you, but to let you know that I am in the trenches with you. These words don’t come from distant memories but from present realities.

The following is a “Battle Plan” of how I am walking through this battle.

1. Recognizing that most of our battles are waged in the mind, I chose to focus on God who is all-powerful and compassionate. The Bible tells us that God’s Name is El Elyon, God Most High, and that nothing can come into our lives that is not first filtered through the fingers of God’s love. God knew before the foundation of the world that we would face different challenges in life and has already provided the resources we need to face them. God’s plan for us in every trial of every size is that we experience victory, never defeat.

2. I chose to view this illness as a gift. Granted, it’s like expecting a new ten-speed bike for Christmas and getting socks, but it is a gift. It is a time to draw near to God, to experience God more fully, to enjoy the simple joys of life, to focus on those things that are truly important. I will thank God every day for this particular gift of health issues.

3. Although my health issues wants to be an all-consuming issue in my life, I refuse to sink within myself. I will reach out to someone else each day with a text, phone call, word of encouragement, act of service or prayer.

4. I will not ignore my emotions (which are currently like a roller coaster on steroids) I will allow myself to experience all the emotions this health journey brings my way, but I will NOT be ruled by them.

5. I will share what is happening to me with others and enlist their support and prayers. I cannot do this alone, and I will not rob others of the blessing they can receive in ministering to me.

6. I will make both short-term and long-term goals in order to have something in the future to look forward to. For example, I plan on continuing to make beautiful memories with my bride through trips and other amazing adventures.

7. I will find some reason to laugh every day.

8. I will remind myself that, in some inexplicable way, the manner in which I conduct myself during this time of struggle does, indeed, impact the spiritual world. The book of Job tells us that humans sometimes get caught up in a cosmic battle between God and Satan, and my actions are key to that struggle. (Jesus Himself told His disciples upon their completion of a missionary journey that God had seen Satan fall from heaven as a result of their actions).

9. I will endeavor to keep my life as “normal” as possible. I will continue my every-day activities and responsibilities as long as I am physically able. This will afford me the comfort of the predictable and common aspects of life as well as helping me not to slide into introspection and self-pity.

Dear friend, who is walking through your own battle, I am praying for you. I am asking that you will be “sincere and blameless” (Philippians 1:10). The word “sincere” is a Greek word that grew out of a poor practice in the marketplace of the day. Everyone in the culture used pottery for many tasks like we use plastic today. It was important that the pots be well made. Most were, but there were some unscrupulous pottery makers who would find a pot with cracks in it. Rather than discarding it, they would fill the crack with wax to cover it up. This would work as long as the pot sold early in the day. But after a longer time of sitting out in the hot Middle Eastern sun, the wax would melt and the cracks would show. Paul prayed that the Philippians would avoid this by being sincere or “sun-tested.” May you, as you face the heat and pressures of this time, find yourself to be, by His grace, without wax.

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Peace and Wisdom

Today’s a new day! As I continue to run this crazy beautiful health journey, I have chosen to live with eternal perspective. This “Lost Writings of OC” was written in March 2023.

During my health journey, I have found peace and wisdom in the Psalms.  In them the steadfast love of God for His people is expressed during great trouble as well as great blessing. When our hearts begin to grasp the character of God as revealed in His Word, our faith and trust in His ways digs deeper into our souls. The benefits and delights of knowing and obeying God’s Word is the theme of Psalm 119. Here are a few “treasures” found in verses 68-93:

“You are good and do good… it is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes… Your hands have made and fashioned me… Those who fear you shall see me and rejoice, because I have hoped in your word… I know, O LORD [Yahweh, God’s personal name], that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me… let your mercy come to me, that I may live; for your law is my delight… In your steadfast love give me life, that I may keep the testimonies of your mouth… you have established the earth, and it stands fast. By your appointment they stand this day, for all things are your servants.”

As is God’s promise, my meditation upon these words brought instruction and great delight to my soul. I jotted down some observations in my journal:

God is good and His deeds are good. His hands have fashioned everything in my life. Here are some lessons learned during this health journey:

•Learn His statutes (teach me His ways)

•Place my hope firmly in Him, causing believers to rejoice

•Recognize His righteousness in me

•Confirm His faithfulness to me

•Reveal His mercy to me

•Invoke in me a vibrant delight in His word

•Use my life to keep His testimonies

Everything in creation has been established by God and is being sustained by God. All things are subject to God’s purpose and will. “All things are God’s servants.”

The benefit and delight I received from these verses is profound:

My health journey is God’s servant in my life. He is using it in ways He has revealed to me in these verses and in many more I have yet to understand. I can rest knowing that my health battle is under the control of God who is good and does good. ~OC

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America

Today’s a new day! So many thoughts swirling around, as I see everything that is happening in America and around the world. I definitely do not recognize America at this moment.

I love the United States of America, but I do not think of it as a country that is united at this time. It’s not the America that most of us grew up in or that the rest of the world looked to for hope.

What does the world see when it looks at America in 2025? What do I see? What do you see?

How do the choices each of us make every day affect, influence, impact the future that is before us, the direction America is headed and the world that upcoming generations will inhabit?

What combination of events and attitudes and circumstances has brought us to this point in our history?

How did we get to this point, to this current version of America?

I have far, far more questions than answers as unprecedented events unfold in our nation and around the world. I still believe in America, in the sense that there are so many people I care about so very deeply that are standing up for ALL people who are currently living on American soil. My concern is at heart-wrenchingly-high levels for the well-being of everyone who calls America home this very hour and for those living in every part of this beautiful world.

How do we move past this era of woeful words of hatred and division, how do we work together for the better world that I do believe, that I have to believe is possible? How do we shape a brighter future for all, a future of connection, compassion and peace? Those are some billion dollar questions for sure.

I will continue to pray for brighter, more stable and peaceful days for America and the world. I hope you will join me in this prayer. ~OC

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Not Your Enemy

Today’s a new day! You may consider me your enemy. But I am not your enemy. I do not hate you. I do not wish you harm. I do not foster harmful designs against you.

At the same time, we may not be able to be friends. If you deny people the right to have their own opinions, to freely share their opinions, attack them when they do, you may not be a safe person for my friends, family or myself to be around and we may not be able to be friends. If you want to deny people the right to freely worship in their own way, you may not be a safe person for my friends, family or myself to be around. We may not be able to be friends. If you want to share hate and spread lies, we may not be able to be friends. I could go on, but hopefully you get the point. These statements do not mean that I wish harm to you. And this doesn’t necessarily mean we can never talk over a meal. If you are willing to engage in good faith, we can try and we will see how things go. We may be able to be acquaintances and perhaps even friendly, but it will take a lot of time and effort before it’s possible for us to be friends.

Even though we may not be able to be friends, I am not your enemy. And so know that If you are hungry or in need, I will do my best to help you find food and have your needs met. I will work for a society where you have access to affordable health care, and a job that pays a living wage. I want you to have access to a good education, and to clean water and air. I want you to have freedom of religion and speech. I want you to read the books you want to read. I do not want you unjustly detained or imprisoned. I do not want you to be harassed when you walk down the street or go into a store. I want you to be able to flourish. I do not wish you harm. I am not your enemy.

If you can manage to not do harm to the people I love and care about; if you can work for these same things for the people I care about, we can begin a relationship. We do not need to agree on exactly how we solve our society’s problems, but we need to be able to speak with respect and kindness. Because I am not your enemy. ~OC

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I Was Never Alone

Today’s a new day! Here is another “Lost Writings of OC.” This was dated 4/20/15.

When I was sad, He was sad. When I felt rejected, He felt rejected. And, when I cried, He cried with me. He is in me, and my emotions are connected to His emotions. Everything I have ever felt good or bad God has felt those, too.

And then I realized “I was never alone.”

There is something so tender, no it’s sacred, when God opens Heaven and we realize just how near to us He really is.

It brings something so distant and intangible very close and even touchable – spirit to spirit. It removes the lie that we are as invisible to Him as He is to us. It makes us known to Him and He known to us.

It’s easy to feel alone in this world. It’s easy to forget that Jesus weeps when we weep. It’s easy to believe God doesn’t care, have time, or desire to be involved in our lives. It’s easy because we impose our past experiences with others upon a God that sometimes we treat more like a sidekick than a caring Father.

If you’re going through a tough season in life, can I pray for you? It’s hard to keep going day in and day out when you feel so alone. I may not know your current circumstances, but I understand the feelings. More importantly, God understands your feelings and knows your circumstances. He loves you, and above all He has not abandoned you. He is hurt when someone hurts you. He is sad when a friend walks away. He is heartbroken because you’ve been cast aside, and He cried as you’ve cried. Dear friend, God sees you, and you are not alone.

Dear God, I pray for those that are hurting. Father, thank you that you are with them and remind them they’re not alone. I pray dear God that they feel your nearness in the chaos of their daily life. Reveal yourself to those that feel lost in a way that shows them you are near. Guard their heart as they navigate through this difficult time, and protect their mind, and daily bring your truth to override the lies. We pray all of this in Jesus name. Amen

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