Tag: Comfort Zone

Men and Mental Health

Today, I am writing about a tough subject but one I believe is very important. As many of you know, my current health issues make it very difficult to share or write down my thoughts. I have actually been working on this piece for several months. I know it’s rather long, but I hope you will take the time to read it. Also, even though my health issues are of a physical nature, this health journey has been filled with moments of sadness and feeling a bit lost.

Today’s a new day! June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. I speak with so many men who feel the need to take care of everyone else, but tend to ignore the issues going on in their own lives. So men, today I want to share a little about taking care of yourself.

We have all heard the age-old saying, “Real men don’t cry.” As I have walked this crazy beautiful health journey, I have tried very hard to take a stand against this toxic perspective because real men indeed cry, laugh, hurt, and heal. It’s about time that we stop being afraid to talk about men’s mental health, the different struggles we deal with and start speaking some truth. It’s time to get real.

So, why is it that men’s mental health is still stuck back in the 1950’s in so many ways?

In a world that often misunderstands and judges men for showing some emotions and having real conversations, it can be frightening to bare our souls, not for sympathy or attention, but for connection and understanding. I am often asked why I have chosen to be so open and transparent about my health battle? Well, simply– it is therapeutic for me, and I hope it offers a beacon of hope and understanding to someone out there, walking through their own struggles.

From a young age, the world dictates a playbook on “How to Be a Man,’ essentially promoting a culture where men feel the need to wear a mask, suppressing their true feelings and emotions.

But I believe it’s time to ditch that old playbook and rewrite a new one. A playbook that is open to real conversations. A playbook that encourages men to reach out to other men and discuss the tough issues that we have been taught to suppress. It’s time for real talk. It’s alright to feel, to break down, and to reach out.

I believe many men are concerned about being judged for sharing their feelings and being real. Sharing my experiences and being vulnerable hasn’t always been a walk in the park. In fact, at times it’s like walking a tightrope balancing between being open and the fear of being misunderstood or judged.

But, we must get past the fear of being judged so we can experience true healing. As I have shared my own story, not only have I experienced healing but have seen the power of healing touch other lives around me.

Yes, men’s mental health is indeed a real thing and let us not turn a deaf ear to this issue, but lend a listening one, a shoulder to lean on, and an encouraging word to someone walking through a tough season.

So, how do we rewrite the playbook on men’s mental health? It starts with you and me. It begins with acknowledging that mental health is not a sign of weakness, it is not a cry for attention, but a genuine call for help.

If you or someone you know is dealing with some mental health issues, I encourage you to reach out to a mental health professional. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your strength and courage to fight back.

The road to unmasking and understanding men’s mental health is a journey filled with speed bumps, turns, and rocky roads. But I encourage you to embrace the journey with all its imperfections and challenges.

In conclusion, remember that it’s alright to stumble, to fall, but most importantly, to rise again, with a life filled with hope, passion, purpose and laughter. Never forget you matter, you belong and you’re loved. ~OC

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The Church

Today’s a new day! We are the church scattered and sent out. Every believer is a missionary beautifully disguised as a teacher, business person, student, healthcare worker, journalist, first responder, mentor or parent. Be a difference maker wherever God has you planted. ~OC

“Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.” ~1 Corinthians 7:17

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Call to Community

Today’s a new day! As we scroll through social media or turn on the tv, there is no doubt we are living in messy times. Sadly, across America and the world so many people have become anxious and isolated. 

But, as I look at all of the craziness going on around us, all I can think about is how badly we need each other. We were not created to be divided. We have been called to appreciate and celebrate diversity. The inclusion of every culture, nation and people is an element in the reign of God, in the pictures we’re presented throughout the New Testament of the Bible, from the start of the book of Matthew to the end of Revelation. Even while much remains uncertain, the Spirit continues to summon us into the messy places of discomfort. We have been called to serve others, to help all know God’s love and peace.

We are living in messy times, but our hearts should be full of passion. A passion for stability and hope. A passion to know and see the value and worth of others around us. A passion to experience a sense of belonging and meaning. Only together, can we step forward into the mess of discomfort and build a community flourishing with the values of inclusion, hospitality, service, compassion, love and mercy. A community that is united and committed to looking past our differences and instead focusing on our commonalities.

If you have this same passion, then I welcome you to the call to community. Welcome to the mess of relationship, differences, variety and perspectives. Come on into this community where being the hands and feet of Jesus is not just another Christian cliche.

To build a community like this I need you. This community is created to welcome all people into the community as we explore the margins and celebrate the goodness. 

Welcome to the mess! Let’s go make a difference. ~OC

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The Life of Job

Today’s a new day! I couldn’t sleep last night and as I was studying God’s word, He directed me to the Book of Job in the Bible. As I was studying, several thoughts came to my mind. As Job was experiencing the toughest days of his life, he had no idea there was a conversation between God and Satan happening in the heavens above. But that conversation between the King of Kings and the Prince of Darkness decided what ended up happening to Job on earth. And let me tell you, it wasn’t good. The storms of life hit Job smack in the face.

Can you imagine walking in Job’s shoes for even an hour? He lost everything — his cattle, his flocks, his finances, and worst of all, his whole family except for his wife. And it all happened so quickly. Oh, and his friends were not very encouraging.

Yet, despite all the turmoil unfolding right in front of him, what did Job do? He got up, tore his robe, and shaved his head. And then, he fell to the ground and worshiped. Worshipped! Really?

Job’s reaction might seem a little crazy to some of us. How could he still worship God after everything that had just happened to him? But that’s exactly what Job did. That is why we can find such truth and encouragement from the Book of Job.

As mentioned above, Job got up, tore his robe, and shaved his head; then he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:20-21).

Despite his faith being put to the ultimate test, Job passed with flying colors. If the devil had been right in his assessment of Job, it would have meant that the devil was greater or equal to God. But Job didn’t waver. No, he wasn’t a hypocrite, and he didn’t follow the king of hypocrites.

So, here’s a question for each of us as we walk into this new week. If we were ever placed in Job’s shoes, would we react the same way? Would we still worship God in the midst of unimaginable pain and loss? It’s not an easy question to answer, but it’s worth considering. Job’s story shows us that it’s possible to have a soul that’s well, even in the midst of tragedy. And that’s something we can all strive for as we walk out our own life journey. ~OC

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Our Voice

Today’s a new day! Sometimes I think I should stay silent and just keep the peace. But then I think if I choose to stay silent, will I cease to do good. I believe if we adhere to respectful silence, we provide space to those who are pushing forward false and harmful ideas. We create greater opportunity for the voices of error and harm to be heard and believed. God has gifted some of us with prophetic voices, ones that can issue a clarion call to the things that are true and good and pure and right and beautiful. We need to pray for those with this gift and encourage them to be brave and bold, yet marked by grace, love, humility, and kindness as they seek God for how to steward this gift. For others, we can each be loving truth tellers in the relationships and situations in which we have a platform. That may be within our families or our friend groups, within our schools, churches or our work places, and even on social media. No doubt, we will sometimes be met with criticism or rejection, even if we speak prayerfully and intending to speak peaceably. Jesus, who is the ultimate truth (John 14:6), likewise experienced rejection (Isaiah 53:3, 1 Peter 2:4). But if our goal is the well-being of others, then we will lovingly speak truth to them and risk offending them, for true life and blessing only come by way of truth. Edmund Burke said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” In keeping silent, we say nothing. And in our silence, perhaps we have ceased doing good. You and I have a voice. We have a platform, be it large or small. May God give us wisdom to know how to use our voices to bring honor to him and to bring good to others with wisdom, love, and kindness. ~OC

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The Power of Groups

Today’s a new day! I believe committed individuals and a small group of passionate people can help change the world.

Let me remind you that Jesus chose a small group of disciples to share an example of what happens when a group of committed individuals come together for a greater purpose. If we follow just that example, we can see how a small group of people can change their communities and beyond. Just think, we are still talking about twelve individuals who came together and committed themselves to the cause of Christ, thousands of years later. Small groups are still the primary focus of most churches, especially ones that want to accomplish purposeful ministry.

I can look no further than my godson Ricky Aiken, who saw a need in his community and started Inner City Innovators (https://innercityinnovators.org/), which is not just making a difference in Ricky’s community, but communities across America. One person with a dream and some committed people to help him develop and create a life changing organization.

As we celebrate Black History Month, I think about some unknown heroes who were committed to the Civil Rights Movement. They are the individuals and families that opened up their homes to the leaders in the Movement because they were not allowed to stay in most hotels or restaurants in the South. These individuals and families offered food, rest, conversation and shelter to the heroes we read about in history. A group of unassuming individuals and families opening their homes and encouraging the Civil Rights leaders, as they led peaceful marches and protest across the south. Without these kind and loving souls, the bodies and minds of the great leaders of the Civil Rights Movement might not have carried on.

Small groups of humans, just like your friends or colleagues that gather for common themed conversations, have been changing the world since the days of the caveman. It is no surprise, at least now reflecting on each phase of my own life that every step I have taken to make an impact for the greater good has been in the company of a small group of people with similar questions, passions, ideas and the determination to take action.

What is your mission and purpose in life and who will sit around the table with you to help encourage and support your dream to make a difference? ~OC

“For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.”” ~Matthew 18:20

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” ~ Margaret Mead

“While others hit the streets, marching, singing protest songs and risking arrest, these women made their contributions to the Civil Rights Movement in their kitchens.” – Rosalind Bently, Hostesses of the Movement

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Immigration and the Christian Response

Good Morning! More from the “Lost Writings of OC.” I originally wrote this back in 2017, but I feel it’s still relevant in 2025.

I do not know what it’s like to be a refugee. I have never had to flee America out of fear for my life because bombs or beheadings were a very real threat. I have never had to resettle in a foreign land and struggle to assimilate to an alien or hostile culture. I also do not know what it’s like to lose a loved one to an act of terrorism.

I do believe our political leaders must strive to protect innocent lives both by thwarting the plots of terrorists and by creating refuges for people trying to escape their reach. These are not mutually exclusive endeavors.

But how should the Christian Church and Community respond to the immigration crisis in America?

I believe the Christians community should have a special appreciation for the plight of the refugee. Our spiritual heritage is full of refugees: Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Ruth, Daniel and Jesus were all displaced from their homeland at some point. The earliest Christians in Jerusalem faced persecution that led them to scatter. Throughout the Bible the people of God are described as being exiles, strangers, sojourners, aliens, citizens of a heavenly home. A certain sense of homelessness is part of the cost of discipleship.

The way of Jesus Christ is not closing doors to asylum-seeking refugees or building walls to keep out foreigners. The way of Jesus Christ is not about forsaking the well-being of others in order to protect one’s own livelihood. The way of Jesus Christ is the cross. It is the way of sacrificing one’s own well-being in the name of Iove, however uncomfortable or risky or countercultural that may be.

This is not to say we should be reckless or naive or go looking for martyrdom. Christ warned his disciples not to be unrealistic about their safety in the world; they would be like sheep among wolves, and therefore should be “wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). Our compassion should be tempered by prudence and common sense.

Think about the immigration issue in terms of our witness in the world. The way we Christians respond to refugees presents a unique opportunity to show, in vivid relief, the sort of God we serve.

Ask yourself which reflects the character of Christ more: Refusing to take in a refugee because we are concerned at the possibility that we could be harmed by such charity; or taking in a refugee out of sacrificial love that says “you are welcome at my table even if it costs me something.” Simply because you are a human and bear the image of God, I value your life, show you hospitality, welcome you at my table, even if you are a potentially dangerous stranger.

I think it’s important that Christians push back against the fickle fear and political pendulum that turns the refugee into a concept rather than an image-of-God-bearing human being. Refugees are real people with real hopes and fears, just like you and I. In many cases they are our brothers and sisters in Christ.

The refugees of our world are beloved of God and should be by Christians too. We need to know them, help them, hear their stories. We can learn from them. Let’s not close our borders and our hearts to them out of fear or ignorance. Let’s love them as Jesus loves us: mercifully, generously and sacrificially.

I know this post will be met with various opinions and probably some criticism, but I felt the need to share what’s on my heart. I pray you will respect that these are my thoughts and opinions. Blessings. ~OC

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Year of Reunions

Happy Friday dear friends! As I continue to run this crazy beautiful health journey, friendships continue to mean more to me than ever. I love when I am able to connect with the friends I have been blessed with over the decades.

As I have walked through this health battle, I have been to many funerals. It’s just part of the journey. At those funerals, many people gather to pay their respects, talk about how much the person meant to them and reflect on the good times. I often hear people share if they would have only had more time to share everything they wanted to share with their loved one or friend. Oh, do not forget about all the flowers. So many flowers.

As I thought about the above scenarios, it made me realize I do not want that to be my story. People gathering after I am gone and wishing they would have visited more or shared something with me. So here is my crazy idea for 2025. To everyone who calls me friend, let us all commit to getting together once a month to hang out and celebrate each other. Of course I realize some people would not be able to make every month, but if you could make it to a few gatherings throughout 2025, I would be forever grateful. For those that might not be able to make any of the gatherings based on geography, I propose we commit to meeting on Zoom once a month. No excuses for not being able to connect and share life together. We could even plan individual monthly phone calls if that works better for you. Based on my health, maybe we could do a few “Road Trips Reunions.”

As my health continues to decline and I deal with the new diagnosis of dementia, spending time with my friends becomes more important each day. So if you would be interested in making the “Year of Reunions” a reality, please let me know. We still have time in January to kick things off. Nothing fancy. Just friends getting together to celebrate friendships. Oh and no flowers required. Have a wonderful day. ~OC

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Happy New Year!

Today’s a new day! Happy New Year! Welcome to 2025. Not sure about you, but I look forward with great excitement, wondering what God has planned for me this coming new year. What new opportunities will reveal themselves? What new lessons will present themselves? A new year is full of endless possibilities.

As we gear up for a new year, I believe it’s important to take a little time to reflect on the past year. Doing this I believe helps to view each year as a season, understanding that God is Sovereign and has new seasons of experiences and growth to make us more like Him. I can testify 2024 was full of many different emotions. There were moments of grief, but there were also times of joy and happiness. A year filled with many memories and lessons.

As we take some time to reflect back on 2024, it helps us to remember that God is in total control and that we are constantly growing as His children and that He knows the plans He has for each of us. Plans of new wisdom, insight and understanding that He wants to impart to us, if we will allow Him to.

It also gives us an exciting and fresh new outlook of the coming year and enables us to leave the past where it belongs. Not that we forget the past but learn from it and move forward into our present future with open hearts and minds to receive whatever God has for us.

With that said, here are some ways we can look forward to in 2025.

New Beginnings: Start out 2025 with a fresh point of view of new experiences, opportunities, memories and blessings. Have an open mind and heart to where ever God may want to take you with full assurance and confidence that He is always with you. (Matthew 28:19-20)

New Possibilities: There are no limit to what God can do in your life and nothing is impossible with God. God opens doors that no one can shut and also closes doors that no one can open. The possibilities are endless with God. (Philippians 4:13)

New Plans: We walk into 2025 like a blank canvas. Be in prayer for what God has planned for you and be willing to walk by faith in obedience as you follow His leading. Remember that His plans are always for good and not for evil to give you a future and a Hope. (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

New Purpose: As you look ahead, God always has a plan and a purpose for what you will go through and experience. Remember that God always has a reason for what He allows in your life and through it you can trust Him completely. (Proverbs 1:3-5)

New Provisions: The Bible says to not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of its own. In 2025, trust in God who knows everything you need. He is our Hope and our Provider. God is faithful and He will do it. (Matthew 6:1-33)

New Growth: When we are willing to let go and let God work in and through us, He will always stretch us and grow us. It is an important part of the growth process. I pray we will all continue to grow in our relationship with God and in His Word. In 2025, allow God to mold you and make you pliable in the potters hand and then watch the master craftsman work in your life in amazing ways.

New Wisdom: With new experiences and new lessons comes new wisdom and insight. Always make it a priority to seek out wisdom as hidden treasure or fine gold. In Proverbs it says that it will be like a garland of grace around your neck and honor you and present you with a crown of splendor. (Proverbs 4:7-9)

Renewed Peace: As you go through new experiences and new adventures whether they are good or bad, my encouragement is to keep your eyes fixed on God and He will give you rest and peace, because He is our peace and loves us and cares for each of us deeply. (John 16:33)

As we spend some time in reflection about 2024, let us give thanks to God for getting us through another year as we look forward to what He has for us in 2025 and praise Him that He is faithful and worthy to be praised. ~OC

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Find Those 3am Friendships

Today’s a new day! Life is full of wonderful and difficult moments. That is why it’s so important to surround yourself with people who will encourage and support you. Those who will step up in not only the good times, but more importantly those who step in during the toughest moments in life. Those moments when we find it difficult to breathe. We each deserve to have people who will walk alongside us to support us in every season of life. To help us become better people.

Each of us is worthy of deep and meaningful friendships. We have much to share with others as we walk through this journey called life. If you are in a place where you do not feel valued or supported, if you haven’t found your “3am friendships”, I pray you will spend some time seeking out those important relationships. Warning! You might have to step out of your comfort zone to find those life changing friendships. Do not neglect the opportunities God has placed before you to find those friendships. There will be moments in life when you may feel that no one understands you. There will also be moments when God sets you apart, in order to grow you and reveal something fresh in your life. But there will also be moments for you to dive into community and friendships. A time to find your “3am folks.” Do not miss those amazing opportunities. ~OC

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