The Talk

Today’s a new day! As most of you know, Laura and I do not have any children. But we have been blessed with some amazing god-children and have both worked with young people most of our careers. I wanted to share that before writing the following.

Over the years, I have been blessed with friends of all colors and backgrounds. I know my African-American friends have different talks with their children. Every African-American parent I know at some point, has had to have “the talk,” the proverbial sit-down where they engage their children in a serious discussion about how African-Americans are treated by police. They explain how to converse with police, how to make eye contact, how or when to show respect, how, when necessary, they must sometimes genuflect to unjust authority in order to protect themselves.

Inevitably, it’s not just one talk. Circumstances force African-American parents to have a series of conversations throughout their children’s lives, because racism is a constant presence.

In light of yesterday’s incident with Miami Dolphin’s wide receiver Tyreek Hill being pulled over, handcuffed and placed face down on the ground, I know a lot of African-American parents once again had “the talk” with their children.

In the face of almost daily occurrences of racial violence against African-Americans, sadly there cannot just be one talk about how young people should conduct themselves when interacting with police. As a community we must teach our children, god children, nieces and nephews every day to help them navigate the communities they live in. We should all be talking to students and young people about racism in America. And not just when there is another racially motivated incident. Having healthy conversations about racism is the only way we will ever experience any type of racial healing in America.

Early on, children are taught not to play with electrical outlets and to be careful near a hot stove. Hopefully they are taught to say please and thank you, and to be nice and share. Just as organically as parents teach their children to look both ways when crossing the street, we should be giving them regular, developmentally appropriate lessons about race and racism. As we’ve seen, over and over a bad run-in with a police officer can be as fatal as a car accident. Failing to have these conversations can put young people, especially young African-American men in great danger.

Please do not be under the false illusion that avoiding these conversations will shield your child from the horrors of racism; they will absorb this information somehow. And if we ignore it, that’s the lesson they’ll learn from us.

I know these conversations can be heart-breaking as they are necessary, especially when they touch a child’s life directly.

Over the years, Laura and I have tried our best to become more knowledgeable about the racial issues from America’s past and present. We have taken time to have real and difficult conversations about race with our African-American friends. We have chosen during those conversations to listen more and talk less. Laura and I have taken the time to read and study the history of America. All of its history. We continuously encourage our family and friends of every color and background to study the complete history of America.

My prayer is that we would never see another African-American be pulled over by a police officer just because of the color of their skin. But sadly, that’s the world we live in. So parents, family members and friends, make sure you’re having “The Talk” with your children. Regardless of color. ~OC

Choose Love Over Hate

Today’s a new day! We were taught that the direct opposite of love is hate. So does it means if we do not love someone, we actually hate that person?

Ever heard this statement; the amount of love you feel for someone is the same amount of hate you would feel for that same person? So if we love someone so much, we could hate that same person just as much.

So what is it about hatred that makes us choose it above Love?

You could be saying right now that you don’t hate anyone. Actually, just like love, hatred is in actions, in expressions. You might not go round smashing things, cussing people out, you might not even show the fictitious expression of hate we so often see in the movies, our society and so on; it still doesn’t mean you are not free from hate.

Hatred is a deep and extreme emotional dislike towards someone or a group of people. It is often associated with feelings of anger, disgust and a disposition towards hostility and often times the result of unforgiveness.

What does God have to say on the topic of Love and Hate?

You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him. (Leviticus 19:17)

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Leviticus 19:18)

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44)

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:39)

Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you (Luke 6:27)

We hardly realize the devastating effect of hatred and how much it steals from us. Maybe because it often starts as a harmless seed sown in the heart of a person. But by the time it grows, you will be amazed how much destruction such a little seed can cause.

Let’s talk about wars, broken homes and families, terrorism, genocides, political divide, all these terrible events which have cost lives and properties and defined history, with their effects even reaching generations that were not born at the time of those events. Usually it starts as something really small, little trouble here and there. It seems not to matter at that time. However, a tiny seed can create a forest.

Think of the unhappiness and fear all around the world today, results of hatred. You may think hating one person really makes no difference, but it does.

What causes Hatred?

Fear: Often times we are afraid of things that seem different from us or things turning out differently than what we expected. Maybe a political election. Instead of being brave and facing those things, we turn to hate, feeling it is the best solution to this problem.

Jealousy/Envy: How do you react when you look around and see family or friends doing better than you and they appear to put in less effort? Your answer to this determines if you are allowing love to rule or hate.

Past Experiences/Background: Our experiences have a way of structuring our thought pattern. For example, some who have had bad experiences with a particular group of people, allow that single event to stir up hate for anyone or anything associated to that group of people.

Remember however that perfect love casts out all fear; we should not be anxious for anything but present our requests with prayers, supplications and thanksgiving and God’s peace that passes all human understanding and will guard our heart; in Christ, we are new creatures, the past is gone and we can have a fresh start.

Let’s face it, people will always hurt us, break our heart but love helps us live in peace with ourselves and others. For the world to experience peace, it needs Love.

Remember, you are never alone. ~OC

Thoughts and Prayers Must Equal Action

Today’s a new day! This past Wednesday we witnessed a deadly school shooting in Georgia and then yesterday we witnessed an unknown person shooting at random people on a highway in Kentucky.

When we witness these tragedies, so many reach out with words of comfort. Usually those words include “thoughts and prayers.” But we have to do better than “thoughts and prayers.”

Over the years as our nation and world has faced so many tragedies -some created by humans and some by nature, we have been challenged to reflect and pray.

I know people are well meaning, but as we have faced tragedy after tragedy, I have become tired of hearing the words “thoughts and prayers” and I do not believe I am alone.

Let me take a moment and share I believe in thoughts and prayers. My life is built on prayers. But thoughts and prayers without action are just hollow words at best.

When we hear elected officials who could create laws to curb violence or provide adequate help to clean up after storms, we must cry out. We must demand real change takes place.

We cannot just fill our social media pages with “thoughts and prayers.” We must step up and speak out.

Our thoughts and prayers help victims of tragedy if those thoughts and prayers lead to action.

Our thoughts and prayers help in a variety of ways. But they help most when they move us to action.

What I believe is needed is a national movement toward solutions that eliminate or at least lower some human made tragedies like gun violence and hate crimes.

As a human being and more importantly as a Christian, I am dedicated to thoughts and prayers, if they lead to real change. Prayer is the first action I take when I see or hear news of another tragedy. And I will keep on praying wherever and whenever necessary.

What I will no longer do is quickly post or say to someone “my thoughts and prayers are with you.”

No, I think Instead, we should start saying the following:

*My heart breaks for you. I am praying for the wisdom to do what I can to prevent further tragedies like this. I will work to put those thoughts and prayers into action.

*I will also pray that the people we elect will turn their “thoughts and prayers” into action. And my action will be to research and support those candidates. I encourage you to do the same.

Let’s begin to be people who think beyond “thoughts and prayers” and turn tragedies into life changing action. Who’s with me? ~OC

Lived-Out Gospel

Today’s a new day! As I continue to walk out my faith journey, I am often asked what does the gospel look like when it’s actually lived out? I believe God gives us many characteristics of the Spirit-filled life. Here are three that stand out to me.

We cannot truly live out the gospel if there is no love. Love must come first. Jesus Himself said the first commandment is to love God, then others. He even said we are to love as He loved, which was to lay down his life.

Are we to literally lay down our lives for others? Some may be asked to make that sacrifice one day. But most of us share love by giving of our time, our talents or our finances. Sometimes love is just being there. During my many hospital stays, I have some friends who just come and sit with me. That’s love. Other times we love by listening, encouraging and praying for others. Sometimes we give the shirts off our backs, or buy a meal or provide shelter to a hurting world. Lived-out love is a powerful witness.

A second witness is grace. Grace is often an unclear or vague concept for some, so here are a few synonyms to help everyone grasp the powerful meaning of this essential truth: mercy, forgiveness, benevolence, charity, clemency, compassion, favor, forbearance, generosity, goodwill, goodness, kindness, leniency, pardon, reprieve, responsiveness, tenderness.

Grace never holds a grudge, or refuse to forgive. Grace does overlook an offense, speaks kindly when verbally attacked and believe the best about people. Lived-out grace is a powerful witness.

A third evidence of truly walking out our faith is by living an authentic life. How many times have you heard someone say something about “hypocrites in the church”? Authenticity means we speak truth no matter the cost. We actually live out what we say as much as possible; we wear no masks. We consider the impact our words and actions have on those watching or reading what we say. We are even willing to be vulnerable. Wow!

Those are risky actions. We could be misunderstood, disapproved of, even shunned or taken advantage of. But we wouldn’t be hypocrites. We would be true, real … authentic. Lived -out authenticity is a powerful witness.

May we live out the gospel with love, grace and authenticity so that people will actually see Jesus in us. ~OC

Between the Mourning and Tears

Today’s a new day! Another mass shooting in America. More tears. More pain. One more community devastated by gun violence. One less person at the dinner table. When will America wake up?

As I digest yet another senseless act of gun violence in America, I have to examine my own life and asked what can I do to be a positive light in a dark world?

As a Christian, I am called to remember that God chose to enter a time as violent and faithless as our own and that the light of God cannot, will not, shall not ever be overcome by the darkness of this world. What will I do with the light I have been given in the healing life, witness, death and resurrection of Jesus? Will I stare at the flame and pretend I don’t see the darkness around me? Or will I carry God’s call to put down my sword, love my enemy, and pray for those who bring harm to the world?

But I must confess; in the light of another mass shooting, sometimes it feels like what can I really do to help? The situation feels overwhelming. l long for more help, for God to come in a new and powerful way. That His love will act like a consuming fire that will burn up all the ugliness— all the negativity that mares the beauty that I know is here. Sometimes the most honest and faithful prayer I can lift up to God for America is, “Stir up your power, O Lord, and with great might come among us, because we are sorely hindered by our shortcomings, let your bountiful grace and mercy help and deliver us.”

But, we must all stand up and take action. Some of these actions will be individual and some will involve working with other people. Some of the discernment about what should be done will happen alone, in prayer, and some of it will happen in a crowded room of people who are disagreeing, respectfully, about our next steps on gun violence and other issues that are effecting our little piece of the world. But together we must press for discussion, debate, and action on the issues facing our communities. Mournful silence is an option, but only if we sinfully close ourselves off to God’s clamoring in our hearts to be part of the change.

So in between those cries for God to come, to save us in ways we cannot, we are free to make choices, each day to make a difference. We know what human beauty would look like, what it would sounds like. So why don’t we let it have its moment? ~OC

Thoughts and Prayers

Today’s a new day!

You can call me…

A Liberal

A Snowflake

Anti Gun

Anti 2nd Amendment

Overreacting

But, I am tired of seeing students, teachers and staff killed just for going to school. Thoughts and prayers are just empty words if there is no action taken. ~OC

Friends

Today’s a new day! I believe we would all agree that good friendships add value to our lives. Great friends can bring out the best in us.

But sadly, we have all experienced moments in life where friends let us down. Those can be tough moments to walk through.

As I have walked through this crazy beautiful health journey, I have felt the sting of friends deciding to walk way. Those moments can lead to some of the deepest pain in life. It can be easy to get bitter about the way those friends treated me.

When walking through those moments of loss, it can feel good to get angry in those times of hurt. But by holding on to those painful moments we can end up dealing with long-term trauma. When we look at Ephesians 4:31, we read about getting rid of bitterness and anger. By allowing those harmful emotions to take hold in our lives like nasty weeds, we could potentially cut ourselves off from valuable friendships.

But when we decide to mix forgiveness with honest and open communications we can help to alleviate the pain we feel and can help walk us down the road to recovering our friendship.

In Matthew 18:22, Peter asked Jesus how often we should forgive our brother. Peter thought he was being generous when he offered to forgive his brother seven times in one day. According to human thinking, that would be quite generous, but Jesus had a different answer: “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” What?

Jesus point was not to count up to 490 offenses and then stop forgiving the one who asks for forgiveness, but to forgive always. Forgiveness should be our state of mind. It should flow from our hearts. Just as God is merciful with us when we repent, we should be merciful to others.

When friends disappoint us, mercy is not always our first reaction, but it is a response that we must learn and practice. It is important to keep perspective and recognize that we are not always perfect friends.

In this journey called life, we have definitely disappointed our friends and how did we want to be treated in those moments? A good principle to remember is given in Proverbs 18:24, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” When we keep in mind our own shortcomings, it is much easier to extend mercy and grace to others.

Before Peter asked about forgiveness, Jesus gave instructions about what to do when our friends let us down. In Matthew 18:15-20, the topic of when our friends disappoint us is addressed.

The first step is to go to our friend privately and address the issue. Hopefully they will respond positively, and further steps will not be needed.

The key to going to our friends is that we must do so in love. In Proverbs 17:17 we read, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother and sister is born for adversity.” Without first being willing to forgive our friend and striving to remember our love for them, we run the risk of making matters worse. Our hurt feelings and disappointments may come out in anger and drive our friends away.

I believe friends are to hold each other accountable. Solomon wrote about this in Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” The point is not to tear each other apart, but to build each other up and hopefully make our relationship even stronger.

Once we have truly forgiven our friends and reached out to them, then the responsibility is on them to respond. Hopefully their response will be positive, and the problem will be resolved. But if not, we will have peace in knowing that we have done everything in our power to make amends.

There is joy that can come in gaining a friend back, but recognize that doesn’t always happen overnight. As time moves forward, our responsibility is to not allow disappointment to generate bitterness, but to replace that disappointment with love, grace and forgiveness. ~OC

Adversity

Today’s a new day! Are you currently walking through a storm? Maybe you just came out of a season of trials. We have all been in one of those seasons at some point in our lives. But as we deal with the different trials of life, I believe that God has placed within each of us, seeds of strength, resilience, and fortitude. We can tap into an unbeatable spirit to overcome the adversities of life.

As I have run this crazy beautiful health journey for the last 22 years, I have leaned on the word of God to help me navigate through the storms of life. I pray the following words will help and encourage you as you run your own life journey.

(1) We can run in God’s Presence. In Matthew 28:20, “I am with you always even to the end of the world. And in Isaiah 41:10, we can lean into this promise “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
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Even when we suffer adversity, we can know that we are in the presence of God. What a great encouragement and comfort to help us through those difficult times.

(2) We can learn from God’s Promises. The Psalmist affirmed that God would be with us. That he is “our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble.” God promises help. Comfort. Hope. And in 1 Peter 5:7, we read “And I will care for you.” God feels our pain. He will supply our every need.

(3) We can lean on God’s Power. No matter what we are facing in life, the love and power of God is with us. Finite strength is undependable and expendable, but God’s infinite power is sufficient for every need. Indeed we are “kept by the power of God” (1 Peter 1:5)

(4) We can look for God’s Purpose. I promise you God’s purpose is not to make you miserable. The Apostle Paul said to “rejoice in the Lord” God does not send pain, problems and pressures. God is the giver of good gifts. “Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.” ~James‬ ‭1‬:‭18‬ ‭

So what is God’s purpose for us when we face adversity? That’s a big question. But for me, it has taught me to Walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7) My season of adversity as made me stronger (James 1:2-3) I have learned to focus on the eternal plan in Jesus. (Ephesians 3:11) To claim victory through his love, grace and mercy. (Romans 8:30-31).

As we continue to run this race called life, we all will suffer moments of adversity. Sometimes we will experience extreme tragedy. Yet, whatever the trials, storms and tragedies we face, we can always walk in the hope, comfort, grace, strength and love of God. ~OC

Strength

Today’s a new day! Strength is not measured by the absence of storms, hard times and trials, but by the courage to face them head-on. To persevere and overcome the challenges in life. ~OC

A Tradition

Today’s a new day! Like every other properly raised Southern person, today starts my favorite time of the year. College Football. It’s when you pull out your favorite team’s clothing and the next few months everything is scheduled around cheering on your favorite team. You plan your Saturday menus around college football. Games are taped so you can watch it again and again. It’s a new season and your team could win the National Championship. Hope runs through your heart and mind. College football season has started and all is well with the world. At least until kickoff. College football in the South is tradition. It’s a way of life. You don’t want to miss a moment.

For as far back as I can remember, SEC football has been a part of my life. Every Saturday since I was a kid everything revolved around SEC football and comfort foods. SEC football means one thing to me. Florida Gator Football. Over the years I have attended games at The Swamp in Gainesville, Florida. Nothing like the sounds and smells of Gator football surrounded by 90,000+ of your friends at Ben Hill-Griffin Stadium.

Now that I am grown and married, very little has changed on any given Saturday afternoon or evening in the Fall. Florida Gator Football still rules the day on a Saturday this time of year. Blue and Orange are still the colors of the day in our house. If you dare to enter, you will experience the Gator Chomp on more than one occasion.

Not sure how the rest of the country spends its Saturday, but in the South most people are planning their day around college football and cheering on their favorite team. It’s a way of life. It’s tradition. Enjoy! ~OC

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