Tag: Friends

The Empty Seat

Today’s a new day! As I wake up on this Christmas Eve, my thoughts turn to those walking through hard times this holiday season. On this day before Christmas, some are experiencing their first Christmas season with an empty chair at the table.

This year like so many, I have experienced the loss of loved ones.

The loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, sibling, niece, nephew, friend or the tragic loss of a child creates a hole begging to be filled and a seat at the table that will remain empty.

At times these precious family members may feel deserted. By God, by life, by family and friends who don’t know what to say, so they stay away.

So what do you do for someone who is grieving on what should be one of the merriest days of the year?

I pray the following helps.

1) Your presence and words matter

Saying I can’t imagine…

Nothing more. Nothing less. Those words embrace them, their loss, and their pain, showing you care. Deeply. And you are there, for them, with them, regardless of the pain it causes you to share in theirs.

When we add words after I can’t imagine, we are likely to add our own emotions, thoughts and feelings. Just simply acknowledge their feelings, pain and loss.

I can’t imagine…yet I care. Simply be with them.

2) Say the name of their lost loved one. Hearing the name of that precious person matters and makes a difference in the healing process. Avoiding speaking the name actually hurts everyone there, so share stories, cry and laugh as you recall the amazing life of a loved one.

So say their name…

3) Pull out the pictures! Sometimes the best gift and step to healing is going through old photos or videos. The gift of beautiful memories. Never letting their life be forgotten.

He comforts us. He heals the broken hearted. God is good, even when situations are not, God is. ~Psalm 56:8

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ~Psalm 147:3

So pull up a chair to the table, set a plate and name card for the one who is no longer there and let the stories and memories flow.

Let us honor the ones who have simply gone before us to where we want to be when it’s our turn – dancing and praising in the presence of Jesus.

There is hope in the midst of the sadness. We will see our loved ones again and that is worth celebrating.

On this Christmas Eve, I am thankful God sent His one and only Son Jesus to pave the way for each one of us who love Him. Yes, we miss the ones who have gone before us and left their seat at our table empty, yet we celebrate they are in Heaven. Seated with Jesus at the Heavenly Christmas Table. ~OC

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Singing Hallelujah

Today’s a new day! As I have walked this crazy beautiful health journey for over 22 years, I’ve had a lot of time to think about the journey. These thoughts have been like a blueprint for my journey. A journey that is radically different to the one I envisioned 22 years ago.

When I received my first diagnosis back in 2002, I was told after the shock of the diagnosis I would deal with anger and depression. Those well meaning health professionals were wrong. As crazy as it may sound, I feel like this health journey is quite possibly one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Yes, the journey has not been easy. All the surgeries, treatments and hospital stays have not always been pleasant. It’s not the blueprint I would have written for my life. But it has made me really re-evaluate a lot of the things I once held close. It’s made me appreciate my family and friends so much more and realize that possessions mean nothing when you’re faced with the real possibility of dying. Most importantly, it has made me so very aware that the God I believe in and serve is so much bigger and so much closer to me than I ever could have imagined.

Throughout history God has had many names, one of them being Immanuel, meaning ‘God with us’. I have never known that to be more true than I have the last 22 years and counting. Sometimes I wonder why I was chosen to walk this journey. But then God blesses me with a beautiful interruption and I am reminded that God has a purpose for my journey.

I know that God’s ways are higher than my own and there has been immense good that has come from this crazy beautiful health journey. God has used my health journey to bring me and others closer to Him. To bring encouragement.

As I walk through this journey, woven into the fabric of my life has been an understanding of what it means to suffer, and from that understanding has flown love, compassion and mercy.

During this journey, I have continuously leaned on Psalm 139:15-16, 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 and Hebrews 13:5. I will let you research those scriptures on your own. While this health journey and everything that has come with it may seem chaotic, I know there is purpose in this crazy beautiful journey. Not my purpose, but the purpose of a God who holds the universe in His hands… who knew me from the moment I was conceived in the womb…. who has walked beside me every day of my life. I may not understand everything that has happened along this journey and maybe on this side of Heaven I never will, but I know that whatever happens, God is in control and he has promised he will never leave me or forsake me.

I don’t know about you, but that gives me a tremendous amount of confidence that everything is going to be alright.

Because of God’s goodness I will sing Hallelujah, Hallelujah. Singing Hallelujah because I am living a blessed life. Singing Hallelujah because my bride who loves me and is standing strong with me on this journey. Singing Hallelujah because I have amazing family and friends who continue to stand with Laura and I during this unending journey. Singing Hallelujah because God walks beside me and fights the battle for me. He commands his angels concerning me and they guard me. God is my fortress, my hiding place while the battle rages around me. He stands between me and my health issues that would seek to take my life and says to the sickness “no further… you will not harm him”.

Singing Hallelujah because I am still alive…. and hopefully will be for many years to come.

There are so many reasons to sing Hallelujah…. so many…. and as long as I have a heartbeat you will hear my Hallelujah.

Whatever you see in me that you think is good comes from Heaven.

It’s not my doing…. it’s His. ~OC

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Life Takes A Village

Today’s a new day! As the holidays are just a few days away, I encourage everyone to not forget about those loved ones going through loss this season. Whether the loss of a loved one happened a few days ago or decades ago, the pain is still real. Going through the grieving process can be a very dark and difficult time for a person. However, it is also hard for the loved ones of this individual. Family members and friends often struggle to find the best ways to be supportive. Plus, the holiday season can make this process that much more challenging.

If you are the loved one of a grieving individual, understanding the stages in this process is an important place to start, but there are also many genuine things you can do to show your love and help.

Reach out to them. Most grieving people find it hard to take initiative and reach out to others. You can help by doing this for them. Stay connected with them via visits, phone calls, text, email or video chat. Make sure you are still checking in on them in the months following their loss, when fewer people are doing so.

Find ways to help. Come up with specific tasks you can assist with. Volunteer to drop off pre-made dinners so they don’t have to worry about cooking. Check and see if you can run errands for them. See if there is any house or yard work they need assistance with. Maybe they just need you to sit with them.

Don’t be afraid to say their name.To share stories. Those grieving can be concerned that their loved one will be forgotten by others. Therefore, don’t be afraid to mention the loved one’s name and to share stories about the person. Those stories may bring some tears, but they could also bring some much needed laughs.

This holiday season will be tough for many this year, so take the time to reach out to them and let them know you care. Life takes a village. ~OC

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True Meaning of Christmas

Today’s a new day! As we celebrate this Christmas season, I wanted to share my thoughts on the true meaning of Christmas.

For me and many Christians, Jesus is the reason for the season and my family and friends mean the world to me and are a beautiful blessing. With all the shopping, parties and trying to have the perfect Christmas, so many people lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas. Isn’t it supposed to be shared with those you love most? Isn’t our presence supposed to be more valuable than presents? What happened along the way to constantly change people’s perspective? Aren’t we supposed to be remembering the most famous story in the Bible of Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem and the Angel visiting them in the manger telling them not to be afraid of the Angel’s presence? We are supposed to be surrounded with our loved ones, attend Christmas service and gather around tables eating together and sharing holiday memories with loved ones.

If only people could really understand the true meaning of Christmas and not be so infatuated with the gifts, lights, shopping deals and trying to spend the most money to impress people. Gifts fade and become meaningless, time passes, people forget what you purchased them and we tend to glorify the wrong things and situations. While receiving gifts is fun and rewarding in the short term, actually caring for and spending time with the people we love is a lot more important. Being together with loved ones and sharing time together is what this Christmas season is all about. Giving back to our community is what we should be looking forward to and trying to help those in need. Saying a prayer for someone hurting this holiday is a good start if you cannot afford to buy anything monetarily.

I know the holidays are difficult for people who have lost loved ones during this time of year, or might be going through a difficult season in life. However, we cannot allow these negative situations to hold us back from receiving Jesus’s love for us and spreading holiday cheer. Do not allow your current or past circumstances cloud your future happiness and the joy of this season. Make the choice to live with a grateful heart for the small things in life and try not to dwell too much on the past. Spend some time reflecting on 2024 and look forward to all that God has for you in 2025. Take some time to count your blessings.

The true meaning of Christmas is what you make of it and not all the fancy gifts that sit under trees and will be forgotten as years pass. Go out and make new memories with your family and friends that will last a lifetime. I promise you – time spent together with loved ones is better than money well spent on items that have a lot less meaning to them. Merry Christmas to you all and blessings for the New Year. ~OC

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Memories

Sitting back reflecting on the chapters of my life

Wondering where all the time went

I can’t believe all the memories and blessings God has given me over the years

The chapters of my life come flooding back

I keep those memories close

It seems like some happened yesterday, but 40 years have passed But those memories with friends from the 80’s stay in my heart

still so fresh in my mind

and I will keep them close as always

Memories from my past are memories forever

Today’s memories may be a little harder to recall,

but those memories from the past stay in my heart and mind forever

Those beautiful memories will never fade

In God’s hands a lifetime of memories is not too long

To keep those memories in my mind

Living in hope, I would love to add another chapter or two to my collection of beautiful memories, for when that day comes that memories are all I have

I will hold the memories of our love close. Memories from today may be a little harder to recall, but those memories of saying “I do” back in ‘99 will stay fresh in my mind

It won’t even seem I’ve gone. You’ll still be a beautiful memory in my mind

‘Cause our love is bigger than any disease

We will hold onto the love that keeps us strong

Memories from my past are memories forever

Today’s memories may be a little harder to recall,

but those memories from yesterday’s past stay in my heart and never fade

They stay forever in my mind

In God’s hands a lifetime of memories, is not too long

To keep those memories in my mind

Memories with family and friends

Are memories forever

I will hold them close

Never forgetting the laughter and joy

The memories made so long ago

Will be what I take when the days begin to fade

Memories from my past are memories forever

Today’s memories may be a little harder to recall,

but those memories from yesterday’s past stay in my heart and never fade

They stay forever in my mind

In God’s hands a lifetime of memories is not too long

To keep those memories in my mind

Though it’s hard to recall moments from today

In the Father’s hands I know

That a lifetime’s not too long

To keep those beautiful old memories fresh in my mind. ~OC

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Thankfulness While Grieving

Today’s a new day! Today is also Thanksgiving Day. I have many things to be thankful for, but I am also grieving the death of a loved one. This has been a hard week.

It can be difficult to be thankful when you’re in a season of grieving. When you experience the loss of a loved one you begin to wonder if you will ever feel happy again. It is hard to be thankful when you are hurting. The Bible is not silent on the issue of suffering. The Bible is full of scriptures and stories about suffering.

Giving thanks to God during times of grief is difficult, but not impossible. In fact, it is one of the best ways of progressing towards hope while you are grieving. How can you be thankful during times of grief? I believe Remembering , Reflecting , and Rejoicing can guide us through a season of loss and grief.

First, take time to remember. Remember all the truths about God you have been taught and believe. Do not doubt in the darkness what you have clearly seen in the light. One of the results of the grieving process is that our minds become absorbed with that one thing. It is so important that you force yourself to remember key foundational truths about God. Remember that He loves you. Remember that He is in control. Remember that He is always working good; even in the bad circumstances. While grieving, you may not want to hear someone quote Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” But, remember that it is true. 

Second, take time to reflect. Reflect on your current situation, but do not dwell on it. What’s the difference between reflecting and dwelling? Think of it like a house. When you dwell in a house you live in it. Dwelling on the cause of your grief is like going back to the situation and living there as you relive it over and over. When you reflect, you think deeply and carefully about something. Going back to the house illustration, rather than dwelling in the house, you sit outside the house and look in. Reflecting is different because it gives you time to grieve and realize that your life has changed and there will be a new reality moving forward.

Remember, there is no set timeframe for you to stop grieving. Please hear that. Grief has no timeline. In one sense, you will never stop grieving until you are given your new body and dwelling with God in Heaven. The purpose in grieving well is not to stop grieving, but to begin grieving with hope.

When we are grieving we are overwhelmed by our emotions. Our emotions are powerful and have great control over us, so we are told in the Bible to take control of them. We do this by guarding our heart. Proverbs 4:23, “Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” The heart is the essence of who we are. It is more than just emotions. It is the command center of your life. It directs our emotions.

Through grief and mourning we must remember to guard our hearts.

Third, take time to rejoice. In the middle of your mourning, allow your heart and mind to remember some of the beautiful moments and memories. That can be difficult in the midst of a loss or a difficult season in life. But the fact that God has brought us this new day means that we can rejoice and be glad in it. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to give thanks in all circumstances. This verse does not teach us that every circumstance is good, but that God is good. This is not always easy, but we must continue to lean into this truth.

So today take some time to Remember, Reflect, Rejoice

*Remember all the truths about God you have been taught and believe. 

*Reflect and give yourself time to grieve. Guard your heart so that you do not believe lies but trust God.

*Rejoice in the Lord who is powerfully and purposefully at work.

If you are grieving, trust God. Consider the story of Martha from John 11. Martha had just lost her brother and was grieving. When she saw Jesus she said to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:21). Martha then said something very profound. Martha said, “But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You” (John 11:22). Martha serves as an example of a godly person hurting yet trusting. So today, allow God to help you give thanks in all circumstances on this Thanksgiving Day. ~OC

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Friendships……

Today’s a new day! A true friend who stands with you during the tough seasons, is far more valuable than a hundred friends who only show up for your smiles and high moments in life.  Because a true friend accepts who you truly are, and also helps you become who you are capable of being.

True friendship requires more than just finding the right person, they also require you to be the right person.  When someone believes in you enough to lift you up, try not to let them down.  True friendship is a precious gift to be nurtured, not a relationship to be taken for granted. ~OC

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Dear…,

Today’s a new day!

Dear……,

I want you to know, first and foremost, how special you are. Those are not words to make you feel better. Whether you realize it or not, your life matters.

I want you to know how you light up the world with your smile when you show it off. So please, show it off more. You use more of your face muscles when you smile, so stretch it out so wide that it hurts and remember when you grow old and see wrinkles around your mouth that you got them from smiling.

I know people are trying to reach out to you to tell you that everything is going to be alright and that they’re there for you. Please – and I cannot stress this enough – do not push them away or shut them out. You may not want to hear it, but those family members, friends, and coworkers are there for you and would do anything to help.

So, give them a chance even when you don’t think they’ll understand your pain. You’ll never know if you do not let them in. You’re feeling alone right now. So alone that you don’t think anyone can see all the pain you’re going through.

I want you to know I see you, okay? I can see the pain written all over your face because I know the look of someone trying so hard to pretend like they’re alright when they’re crumbling on the inside. You’re not alone, you have people in your life, and even people you didn’t see coming, who are more than willing to reach out and be there for you.

I know you feel like you cannot get through this current storm. I know it seems like your world is crumbling all around and you cannot find the strength to get back up. Your days are spent isolated in your house, and you cannot eat, sleep or find the strength to move from the comfort and safety of your bed. You have lost the ambition to go outside and breathe in the fresh air. Can I share a little truth with you? I have been where you’re at. I did a pretty good job hiding it, so most people even those closest to me didn’t even notice it. Some days I was barely holding on.

So, I encourage you to hang in there. You’re important to this world and have so much talent and so many amazing ideas to give. You have a light inside you that lights up the world. So keep holding on.

Please, continue to take one day at a time. Keep leaning into the loving arms and promises of God. It’s so easy to want all the answers right this moment, but this life is not a 30 minute tv show. I would love to give you a quick fix, but that could possibly rob you of some amazing lessons God is trying to teach you in this moment. But I can promise you this. We will get through this together. Keep holding on. ~OC

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Time

Today’s a new day! As I continue running this crazy beautiful health journey, the days are getting tougher. But as my body continues to decline, I push forward to continue living a life of significance. I want every moment to count. I wrote this a few weeks ago. Hopefully you will take some time to reflect on it.

As I reflect on this crazy beautiful journey, I must start with the beginning. I came into this world in December 1965. That was the year God put breath in my lungs.

Even though that day in ‘65 was a major moment in my life, what has happened since that day is what really matters. What have I done with the time that has been entrusted to me?

For that time represents all the opportunities that have come and gone since the winter of ‘65. Have I used this gift of time wisely?

What really hasn’t mattered is the material things I have collected over the years. Sometimes I cringe at the things bought on Amazon. But hey it sounded like a good deal at the time. The careers, money, houses may have been nice, but at the end of the day they were but fleeting.

As I move into the 4th quarter of this health journey, I want to make sure I am investing in things that truly matter. Most importantly, I want to invest in people that matter. Who are the people who matter? Everyone I encounter on this journey matters. Whether it’s a friend I have known since childhood or a new friend I just met on the elevator. Because at the end of the day, it’s our relationships that matter.

As I reflect back on the journey, are there things I would like to change? Yes there are. But I will never regret the time spent with family and friends. I will never regret the moments spent with loved ones laughing and crying. I will never regret the beautiful interruptions God has brought my way.

As I continue running this health journey, I want to slow down and experience what is real. What truly matters. I want to be slower to speak and quicker to listen. I want to be slower to anger and quicker to love. I want to be more willing to show forgiveness than to hold a grudge. I want to be known more for what I love and less known for what I dislike.

As I have run this crazy beautiful health journey, I have been known by my multiple nicknames. I have been known for beating the odds in my health battle. Those are all nice, but the three things that matter to me the most is being known as a person who knows and loves God, a man who loves his amazing bride and a person who cares about his amazing friends and desires to be a great friend.

At some point this crazy beautiful health journey will come to an end. All of our journeys will eventually come to an end. My question to you and myself is this, “At the end of your journey, will you be happy with the way you lived out the precious time you were given?” ~OC

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