Tag: Holidays

Not Your Average Valentine’s Day Post

Hello. I wrote this a few years ago and updated it this morning.

Today’s a new day! So my wife and I haven’t celebrated Valentine’s Day in many years. So many that I cannot even remember when we stopped. Before you call me a hater, it’s not that we have anything against love or romance. Actual love just seems like it has become overshadowed by consumerism for Valentine’s Day. Romance isn’t about forced flowers, chocolates or expensive presents. True love isn’t defined by material gifts. No, true love is about what comes from the heart. Yes, I get that Valentine’s Day can also be about doing something special for your significant other, but why wait for that one day of the year. We should always be doing nice things and celebrating our loved one.

Laura and I celebrated twenty-five years of marriage last year. I’m not gonna say our marriage is completely perfect. We have had disagreements over the years, but we never allow the day to end with us being in disagreement. We also never take each other for granted. Choosing the right person to marry is very important but both people also need to agree to make a commitment to be intentional in the relationship and never stop working at it. I’ve seen couples who have been together for years, but don’t seem happy at all. Well it doesn’t have to be that way if you make the effort to not let the fun and excitement of your marriage slip away.

Laura and I do this by choosing love everyday in different ways. Here is just a few:

1. We always say “I love you.” before we leave the house each day. Simple, but how many people forget this simple gesture?

2. We always end each phone call with an I love you even if one of us is just calling to say we’re on our way home.

3. We make a point to always thank each other for the things we do for one another whether they’re big or small. Romantic stuff like taking out the trash.

4. We think about each other when we’re apart. Sometimes we text during the day just because. Sometimes we texted each other when we’re sitting right next to each other.

5. We make each other laugh every day.

6. We enjoy spending time together.

7. We surprise each other with little gifts throughout the year. We do not wait for special occasions to do special things for one another.

8. We support each other no matter what. We truly believe everything will always be okay as long as we’re together.

9. We realize how blessed we are to have one another and it’s not something we take lightly or for granted.

10. After twenty-five years, we still take our wedding vows seriously.

Real love isn’t just about the grand gestures because it’s the small things that add up to keep love and happiness alive. And love every day is infinitely more rewarding than celebrating love on some designated holiday. Sometimes, I think back to when we were dating and it amazes me that we’re now still living out the dream we had back then of always being together. Every day we laugh, talk, work through things and grow together. And we know just how blessed we are that our dream has become a reality and that sometimes reality is even better than a dream. ~OC 

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The Empty Seat

Today’s a new day! As I wake up on this Christmas Eve, my thoughts turn to those walking through hard times this holiday season. On this day before Christmas, some are experiencing their first Christmas season with an empty chair at the table.

This year like so many, I have experienced the loss of loved ones.

The loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, sibling, niece, nephew, friend or the tragic loss of a child creates a hole begging to be filled and a seat at the table that will remain empty.

At times these precious family members may feel deserted. By God, by life, by family and friends who don’t know what to say, so they stay away.

So what do you do for someone who is grieving on what should be one of the merriest days of the year?

I pray the following helps.

1) Your presence and words matter

Saying I can’t imagine…

Nothing more. Nothing less. Those words embrace them, their loss, and their pain, showing you care. Deeply. And you are there, for them, with them, regardless of the pain it causes you to share in theirs.

When we add words after I can’t imagine, we are likely to add our own emotions, thoughts and feelings. Just simply acknowledge their feelings, pain and loss.

I can’t imagine…yet I care. Simply be with them.

2) Say the name of their lost loved one. Hearing the name of that precious person matters and makes a difference in the healing process. Avoiding speaking the name actually hurts everyone there, so share stories, cry and laugh as you recall the amazing life of a loved one.

So say their name…

3) Pull out the pictures! Sometimes the best gift and step to healing is going through old photos or videos. The gift of beautiful memories. Never letting their life be forgotten.

He comforts us. He heals the broken hearted. God is good, even when situations are not, God is. ~Psalm 56:8

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ~Psalm 147:3

So pull up a chair to the table, set a plate and name card for the one who is no longer there and let the stories and memories flow.

Let us honor the ones who have simply gone before us to where we want to be when it’s our turn – dancing and praising in the presence of Jesus.

There is hope in the midst of the sadness. We will see our loved ones again and that is worth celebrating.

On this Christmas Eve, I am thankful God sent His one and only Son Jesus to pave the way for each one of us who love Him. Yes, we miss the ones who have gone before us and left their seat at our table empty, yet we celebrate they are in Heaven. Seated with Jesus at the Heavenly Christmas Table. ~OC

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Life Takes A Village

Today’s a new day! As the holidays are just a few days away, I encourage everyone to not forget about those loved ones going through loss this season. Whether the loss of a loved one happened a few days ago or decades ago, the pain is still real. Going through the grieving process can be a very dark and difficult time for a person. However, it is also hard for the loved ones of this individual. Family members and friends often struggle to find the best ways to be supportive. Plus, the holiday season can make this process that much more challenging.

If you are the loved one of a grieving individual, understanding the stages in this process is an important place to start, but there are also many genuine things you can do to show your love and help.

Reach out to them. Most grieving people find it hard to take initiative and reach out to others. You can help by doing this for them. Stay connected with them via visits, phone calls, text, email or video chat. Make sure you are still checking in on them in the months following their loss, when fewer people are doing so.

Find ways to help. Come up with specific tasks you can assist with. Volunteer to drop off pre-made dinners so they don’t have to worry about cooking. Check and see if you can run errands for them. See if there is any house or yard work they need assistance with. Maybe they just need you to sit with them.

Don’t be afraid to say their name.To share stories. Those grieving can be concerned that their loved one will be forgotten by others. Therefore, don’t be afraid to mention the loved one’s name and to share stories about the person. Those stories may bring some tears, but they could also bring some much needed laughs.

This holiday season will be tough for many this year, so take the time to reach out to them and let them know you care. Life takes a village. ~OC

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