Tag: Loss

Flashing Neon Sign

Today’s a new day! As with many neurological illnesses there is nothing noticeable about my condition. It’s not like a broken leg or arm where there is a cast which is obvious when seeing the person. But I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the same old words since my diagnosis last fall, Todd, you do not look like you have dementia.

I often wonder if it comes down to the fact that people feel uncomfortable talking to me about it, so they say the first thing that comes to mind. Which at times can come across as very insensitive and judgmental. Since my diagnosis of early onset dementia caused by my Parkinson’s, I have had several people tell me I do not look or act like someone with dementia. Or Todd, maybe you’re just dealing with an infection of some kind and just need to take some antibiotics. I would be overjoyed if that was actually the case. But I have some amazing doctors and they didn’t come up with this diagnosis lightly.

What does dementia look like? There is no cast or bandage to put on it. I guess I could wear a flashing neon sign that says, “HELLO, I HAVE EARLY ONSET DEMENTIA!” that lets people know of my latest diagnosis.

But seriously, I am walking through a very new and strange season of life, but I know I am not the only one. It simply gets frustrating when people decide to find a different diagnosis or make you doubt your current state of health because they do not like the diagnosis. It can be irritating and cruel when people doubt you and your medical team. Believe me, no one wants to sit in a doctor’s office and hear the words “You have early onset dementia.”

I do think that part of this attitude is because people have a hard time believing someone in their 50’s could have an “old person’s” disease. Also the topic of dementia is not an easy or fun subject to talk about. It can be easier to just ignore it or try to explain it away.

I also believe people have their own preconceived beliefs about dementia and I and many others suffering from this horrible disease do not fit in their picture of dementia.

So please do me a favor. Stop putting your personal beliefs or opinions on those suffering from a visually invisible disease or one that you don’t like. Life with dementia is already hard enough. Thanks for listening. ~OC

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The Race Called Life

Today’s a new day! During my running days, I was blessed to complete 350 marathons. Yes, you read that correctly. I can take no credit. It was all God pushing me through those marathons. People often ask me why I ran 350 marathons? I tell them I did not like the number 349.

It’s been a number of years since I was able to run based on my health issues. While I would have never considered myself a professional by any means, I like to think I learned a few things during my running days. Like how to stabilize my breathing (well, I did my best) and how to run at a steady pace. Once again I tried my best. Running is a lot like living the Christian life. We have many lessons to learn. I learned a lot of lessons during my running days that I have been able to apply to my Christian journey.

One of the first lessons you learn when you start running is that you need to have endurance. Whether you’re running a 5K or a 50 miler (yes, I did that), you need to train so that you can run at a steady pace and not get worn out quickly.

The Christian life requires endurance as well. Life can seem long and hard as Christians, especially in the midst of challenges. Many people have made the comparison that life is a marathon, not a sprint, and the same goes for the Christian life. As the writer of Hebrews says, “For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised” (Hebrews 10:36).

When you’re running, especially long distances, you want to lay aside everything that could weigh you down so that you only have the essentials. Lightweight shoes and light breathable clothing. As a runner you need to find the perfect balance between bringing what is necessary and those things that would just weigh you down.

In the Christian life, we are called to lay aside what weighs us down—namely, sin and any idols in our lives. Hanging on to those idols can cause our faith to falter and stumble. Letting go of idols in our lives frees us to live a life that is dedicated to Jesus. As the writer of Hebrews says:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:1–2)

As a runner, you come across trials and challenges. Whether that’s a heatwave, snowstorm, rainstorm, or injury, runners face challenges that impact their race. You can never predict these trials and instead you just have to take them as they come. But you cannot allow the obstacles in life to keep you from living the race God has designed just for you.

In the same way, as Christians we can face unexpected challenges and suffering. From a poor diagnosis, a lost relationship, a lost job or a broken family. This race called life can be difficult. But thankfully, we are being made perfect through the grace of God. As James writes in James 1:2-4, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing”

My prayer is that we will all run this race called life with endurance and receive the beautiful gift of eternal life. ~OC

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My Life With Dementia

Today’s a new day! As I continue to walk through this crazy beautiful health journey, I have always wanted to be upfront and honest when sharing my journey with you. So this morning, I want to share a post I have been working on for several weeks. It’s my life with dementia. I apologize in advance for the long post.

When I was diagnosed with young onset dementia last year, part of me thought there has to be a mistake, but it was also a relief to have some answers on why my life seemed a little out of focus. But it was still hard to hear “you have dementia.” Like so many people diagnosed with young-onset dementia, I was still planning a future with my bride. How was dementia showing up in my 50’s?

But here I am, almost a year later.

What I have learned is a dementia diagnosis isn’t the end of life. It just means life looks a little different.

Of course my life has looked a little different for the last twenty-three years dealing with multiple health issues. But over the last two decades, my faith and life experiences have taught me it’s possible to live a fulfilling, purposeful, and even joyful life even while dealing with the uncertainty of declining health. A diagnosis of dementia was not going to change that. At least I hope and pray that will be the case.

So as I walk out this journey called dementia, I wanted to share a few things that are working for me. This is not a neat how to live with dementia list, because dementia is not an easy follow these instructions and everything will be okay disease. No, dementia is a unpredictable roller coaster ride. Every day brings new challenges, but also new opportunities.

My hope and prayer is that this blog post will help create conversations. If you’re living with dementia, or supporting someone who is, I hope these tools help you live a full life regardless of the diagnosis.

My Dementia Toolbox:

I choose to live each day with Hope and Purpose.

I choose to live a life full of new adventures. Never stop making memories with family and friends.

I choose to maintain my independence as long as possible.

I choose to continue connecting with family and friends.

I choose to adapt to the changes dementia brings and never give up.

I choose to hold onto my identity and what makes me “me.”

I choose to keep learning new things each day.

I choose to live out my life and faith.

I choose not to avoid the declines that dementia brings, but to make the most out of every day and refuse to let dementia silence me.

Finally, living with dementia is not an easy journey. There are moments of loss and frustration, but there are also unexpected discoveries, laughs, and the good will of family and friends. ~OC

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Our Scars Tell A Story

Today’s a new day! As you have walked through this journey called life, you have experienced storms and trials that have left some scars. As I have traveled through this crazy beautiful health journey, I have collected my fair share of scars. We all have scars. Some are visible and some are invisible to the public eye. Scars can be painful and most of the time we choose to hide them from the world. But the last few days, this question has kept coming to my mind, “How does God view my scars and how can He use them?”

When I look at the multiple scars across my body, I can recall the day they became part of my story. As I shared earlier, I have collected my fair share of scars over the years. But I believe our scars, whether physical or caused by deep trauma tell the story of of our struggles and how God has helped us overcome those scars.

As I look at the scars that dot my body, I truly believe God has great purpose for each one. I think our scars are meant to make us stronger. Each one has a story and a lesson behind it. I believe our scars are beautiful to God.

Our scars should be a reminder of what Jesus went through for each of us on the cross. And remember when we get to heaven, Jesus will be the only one who still has his battle scars. The scars Jesus suffered should be a constant reminder to us of His great sacrifice and love for us.

No matter how deep the scars whether visible or not, God loves us and can use our scars and our pain to help someone else dealing with their own painful wounds.

As we continue to walkout this journey called life, remember our scars are beautiful to God because He loves us more than we could ever imagine and He desires that we share His love and our scar filled stories with others. ~OC

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Dear Men of God,

Today’s a new day! My apologies to all the ladies today. The following post is geared towards men and the importance of men having solid friendships with other men.

Today, I write from a position of painful experiences. Today, I believe God is calling me to be transparent as I share the following message.

I have tried for years to be involved in Christian men’s groups. Unfortunately, most have never produced much fruit. Several have caused pain, loss and mistrust. Even with that said, I am still open to being part of a Christian men’s group. But not one that is more concerned about a man’s social status in society than they are about the man’s heart. Not easy to find. I definitely do not want to be part of any men’s group that preaches we need to be a man’s man in the likeness of John Wayne.

In a society that celebrates rugged individualism, Christian men are often left searching for and craving connection, but unsure how to or where to find it. Men, the Bible calls us to community. In Ecclesiastes 4:9, we read that “two are better than one.” Yet so many men are struggling to forge deep, meaningful friendships with other men. I am one of those men.

The consequences are real. Loneliness among men are at their highest rates in decades. Loneliness can lead men to make some poor choices, which can ultimately lead to brokenness.

I believe for men to be better husbands, fathers and friends, we need to be surrounded by not just mere acquaintances, but by brothers who sharpen each other “as iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17).

The Bible is full of scriptures that tell us that we are all created for relationships. Even men. In Genesis 2:18 we read, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” While often shared at wedding ceremonies, this verse actually speaks about our need for companionship. Jesus himself modeled friendship, calling his disciples “friends” (John 15:15).

For Christian men, friendships should not be a distraction from our faith but a cornerstone of it. Men, we need to be surrounded by other Christian men offering accountability and encouragement.

Yet men often pursue other gods—careers, social status, or some type of hobby before seeking out true friendships.

True friendship are a beautiful gift and I believe, an important part of living a life that honors God. In Proverbs 18:24, we read those life changing words “a friend who sticks closer than a brother,” a bond that mirrors Christ’s sacrificial love. Such friendships require intentionality and spending quality time together. And not being afraid to leave the shallow end of conversations and dive into deep, sometimes hard conversations. True brotherhood is also about laughing together and enjoying life.

Men of God, the stakes are high. Loneliness and brokenness are stealing our peace, our joy and our witness. But I believe true brotherhood, rooted in God’s love, can restore each of us. ~OC

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Simply Breathe

Today’s a new day! Once again, I am sharing a post that has taken me weeks to write. Maybe years if I am being truly honest. I hope it makes you think as you walk through this journey called life.

What if we truly lived like suffering and death wasn’t something to be feared? What if we could talk about suffering and dying as naturally as birth and living? What if there was a liberty in accepting the limitations of our human existence on this earth and freedom in embracing what it means to live and to die well?

These are the thoughts and ideas that I have been exploring since my crazy beautiful health journey started so many years ago. I have become fascinated with the language and narrative around a chronic or terminal diagnosis. The longer I travel this journey, the more I realize there is more to this race than simply surviving.

Sadly, there is a false narrative that suffering and death is somehow a sign of not having enough faith or somehow someone has failed in some way. This is simply not true. We seem to have lost the sense of the precious and fragile nature of life.

My own health journey has brought many hospital stays, major surgeries and years of treatments. But as time marches by, I am finding that I am less inclined to easily consent to the next treatment option that’s offered. Not because I don’t want to live, but because I want to weigh carefully the cost and the benefits. Living longer is not enough for me anymore. I strive to live well.

I have learned the hard way how long it can take to recover from a major surgery or treatment and how exhausting and stressful it can be for my family and friends. Also how long it is before I recover a sense of myself. A surgery or treatment that is nothing more than a bandaid is not a choice I want to put myself or my loved ones through anymore.

So, my goal is to continue grabbing on to hope, happiness and wellbeing, even as my body continues to decline. Doing everything I can to feel well, live life with purpose and continue to live life as myself and not some number on a medical chart. To take control of the decisions around my medical care, to equally weigh both the quality and quantity of life. To continue challenging the false beliefs around suffering and dying as I continue to run this beautiful race.

Some people reading this will say that I am being negative, but I have found complete liberty and joy in resisting the narratives on suffering. For too long our society has hidden away the realities of suffering and refused to discuss it. Our fragility and humanity seems to be denied as we continue to seek medically enabled immortality.  My heart breaks to see so many people spending their days chasing after miracle cures rather than enjoying the miracle of the life they still have.

I do not fear the end life, but I do fear losing my identity to the different health issues that are trying to control every aspect of my life. I will not give in or give up. I am choosing instead to laugh, read a good book, listen to some great music and make amazing memories with my loved ones. To simply breathe and embrace life.

I have found peace in this acceptance that allows me to have open and honest conversations about life and how that currently looks for me. I am grateful that as I live my best days in the best way possible, I am able to have real conversations about this journey I am traveling. Wherever this health journey leads me, will be an opportunity for me to share my faith, to laugh with loved ones and to hopefully encourage someone along the way. One thing this journey will not be about is failure or defeat. No, this journey will be filled with embracing life and everything that comes with it. A choice to live life with purpose and meaning. I pray you will join me on this adventure and strive to live the amazing life set before you. ~OC

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Honoring ALL Women on Mother’s Day

Today’s a new day! On this Sunday in May we take the time to celebrate all the mom’s out there. I want to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing mothers. But among all the celebrations, let us not forget today can be a really hard day for many.

For those who have lost their moms…

For those who have absent or broken relationships with their moms…

For those who have lost babies or children…

For those facing infertility issues…

For those going through the long adoption process…

Also, let’s not forget the following group of amazing women:

Those that have chosen to be fur baby moms…

Those that have been blessed with the title of aunt or god-mother…

Those that have decided not to have children.

Let me just say to all of the amazing women out there, you are loved and valued by the community around you, regardless of your current motherhood status.

I personally believe on this day that we celebrate all the beautiful mothers out there, we can also remember to hold a special space for those who find this day hard for various reasons as well.

And I believe there is a way to widen our definition of a ‘mother’ to make this day more expansive and inclusive too.

I have been personally blessed to have a great mom and to be part of a whole family full of beautiful strong women, but I’ve also been equally blessed by so many other women in my life who I am not personally related to.

My friend’s mom’s, teachers, spiritual moms, mentors and friends to name just a few.

I am truly grateful for all the women who have made a huge difference in my life over the years. So on this Mother’s Day, let’s remember that there is more than one way for women to be a “mom” to someone in this world. Happy Mother’s Day! ~OC

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The Jesus Way

Today’s a new day! Here’s a little known and rather obscure fact: I have a little scar just below my lower lip. Back in my skateboarding days, I attempted to jump over several garbage cans on my board. I actually make the jump, but instead of landing in the middle of the skateboard, I landed on the back of the board. The skateboard went flying up and the tip of the board hit me in the mouth. I recall there being a good amount of bleeding.

I seldom think about or acknowledge that scar. It’s there and yet I pay absolutely no attention to it. It’s become a faded memory of days gone by.

A few days ago, I happened to notice my scar, and a thought came to my mind: “By his stripes we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5). In that moment, I paused for a second and pictured Jesus and his nail scared hands.

I am confident that, unlike me, Jesus has never forgotten his scars. You see, His scars were chosen. His scars were willingly received. His scars were because of love.

As we are in the middle of Holy Week, I thought I would share a few thoughts as we prepare our hearts for Easter Sunday.

We know that Jesus walked his journey from a place of deep and abiding love.

We remember his dying on Good Friday, and of course we remember his rising on Easter Sunday. But, what about the events leading up to those two life changing events.

Let us not forget Thursday of Holy Week. What was Jesus doing on what we now call Maundy Thursday? He was washing feet. Yes, washing feet.

Jesus said that he came to be a servant to all.

On that Thursday before Good Friday, Jesus washed the feet of each of the disciples as one of his final acts of service before his crucifixion. He left no doubt in the minds of his followers: Humble servanthood is His way.

⁠It’s the way of Jesus that we so often forget. Think about it. Foot washing was one of the most lowly tasks. Cleaning stinky, nasty feet…that is the Jesus Way.

⁠So on Maundy Thursday, we remember Jesus as a humble servant. This puts a mark on the ways of Jesus shown throughout the Gospels: eating with the “wrong” people…healing on the “wrong” day…serving instead of being served.⁠

⁠A life of humility—this is the Jesus’ way. Not one of power, prestige, fame, or control that we see so many people chasing after these days.

No, we see humility as Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, whom he chose to call brothers.

⁠Humility. Going around the table, one at a time…24 dirty, nasty feet.⁠

⁠What was going through the minds of the disciples?⁠

⁠We know Peter protested. But what about Judas? His thoughts must have been all over the place. Judas had already sold Jesus out. Yet, Jesus still took the time to wash his feet.

⁠That is who Jesus is. Humble. Gentle. Caring. Strong. Capable. Unconditionally loving.⁠

⁠It’s the Jesus Way.⁠

⁠Tomorrow, we will remember Good Friday. It is the day we reflect on the cross and the price paid by our Savior.

What Jesus did on the Cross that Friday so long ago was about relationships. Think about that Friday for just a moment. Truly remember what Jesus did on that cross for you, me and the whole world.

⁠I believe Jesus is the most compelling figure to ever walk this earth. He willingly came down from heaven, to truly experience what it’s like to walk and live a human existence. But then, like he did with everything else, Jesus flipped the script on death and rose from the grave three days later (but let’s not get ahead of ourselves).

⁠Good Friday is the day we remember Jesus expressing his ultimate love for us. And it is the day we remember just how cruel death is. As I write this post, I remember the disciples, Jesus mother and all who loved Him did not know the whole story like we do. At that moment they only knew that it…was…finished.

⁠Where in your life right now does it seem like “it’s finished”? I encourage you to let the crucified Christ be with you in that place. ⁠

⁠Good Friday is the death before the resurrection.⁠ Take a few moments to take in the reality of this deepest kind of love.

In a few days we will come to Holy Saturday. Do not miss out on this important day of Holy Week.

For the disciples and those who loved Jesus, Saturday was a day of tears and mourning. On Friday, they saw Jesus crucified and buried. None of it made sense to them. Jesus, their teacher and friend was gone. The grief. The loss. They must have asked themselves. “What’s next?”

If you are currently walking through a tough season of loss or a stage of waiting, remember Holy Saturday and acknowledge that loss and grieving are real. That your season of waiting is real. But it doesn’t mean things are over.

The disciples and all those that loved Jesus had no clue what they were going to experience on Sunday. They were just living in their grief and loss.

But in 2025, we know the whole story. We know the story did not end with the tomb. We know the tomb could not hold the King of Kings. But for the disciples and all those who loved Jesus, that Saturday must have been a really difficult day. They did not have the promise that Sunday was coming.

Easter Sunday….A day of Rising.

I believe the following scriptures can paint a better picture than what I could write about Easter Sunday:

“But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb, and as she wept she stooped to look into the tomb. And she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had lain, one at the head and one at the feet. They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.” Having said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?” Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.” Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned and said to him in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means Teacher).” ~ John 20:11-16

“We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” ~Romans 6:4

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
~Romans 8:38-39

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” ~Colossians 3:1-4

We look forward to hearing the words on Easter Sunday—He is risen! He is Alive! Yes, Jesus has risen indeed and is alive forevermore.

I pray everyone will take the time to reflect on Holy Week as we prepare our hearts for Easter Sunday and celebrate the resurrected King. ~OC

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The Life of Job

Today’s a new day! I couldn’t sleep last night and as I was studying God’s word, He directed me to the Book of Job in the Bible. As I was studying, several thoughts came to my mind. As Job was experiencing the toughest days of his life, he had no idea there was a conversation between God and Satan happening in the heavens above. But that conversation between the King of Kings and the Prince of Darkness decided what ended up happening to Job on earth. And let me tell you, it wasn’t good. The storms of life hit Job smack in the face.

Can you imagine walking in Job’s shoes for even an hour? He lost everything — his cattle, his flocks, his finances, and worst of all, his whole family except for his wife. And it all happened so quickly. Oh, and his friends were not very encouraging.

Yet, despite all the turmoil unfolding right in front of him, what did Job do? He got up, tore his robe, and shaved his head. And then, he fell to the ground and worshiped. Worshipped! Really?

Job’s reaction might seem a little crazy to some of us. How could he still worship God after everything that had just happened to him? But that’s exactly what Job did. That is why we can find such truth and encouragement from the Book of Job.

As mentioned above, Job got up, tore his robe, and shaved his head; then he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:20-21).

Despite his faith being put to the ultimate test, Job passed with flying colors. If the devil had been right in his assessment of Job, it would have meant that the devil was greater or equal to God. But Job didn’t waver. No, he wasn’t a hypocrite, and he didn’t follow the king of hypocrites.

So, here’s a question for each of us as we walk into this new week. If we were ever placed in Job’s shoes, would we react the same way? Would we still worship God in the midst of unimaginable pain and loss? It’s not an easy question to answer, but it’s worth considering. Job’s story shows us that it’s possible to have a soul that’s well, even in the midst of tragedy. And that’s something we can all strive for as we walk out our own life journey. ~OC

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The Empty Seat

Today’s a new day! As I wake up on this Christmas Eve, my thoughts turn to those walking through hard times this holiday season. On this day before Christmas, some are experiencing their first Christmas season with an empty chair at the table.

This year like so many, I have experienced the loss of loved ones.

The loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, sibling, niece, nephew, friend or the tragic loss of a child creates a hole begging to be filled and a seat at the table that will remain empty.

At times these precious family members may feel deserted. By God, by life, by family and friends who don’t know what to say, so they stay away.

So what do you do for someone who is grieving on what should be one of the merriest days of the year?

I pray the following helps.

1) Your presence and words matter

Saying I can’t imagine…

Nothing more. Nothing less. Those words embrace them, their loss, and their pain, showing you care. Deeply. And you are there, for them, with them, regardless of the pain it causes you to share in theirs.

When we add words after I can’t imagine, we are likely to add our own emotions, thoughts and feelings. Just simply acknowledge their feelings, pain and loss.

I can’t imagine…yet I care. Simply be with them.

2) Say the name of their lost loved one. Hearing the name of that precious person matters and makes a difference in the healing process. Avoiding speaking the name actually hurts everyone there, so share stories, cry and laugh as you recall the amazing life of a loved one.

So say their name…

3) Pull out the pictures! Sometimes the best gift and step to healing is going through old photos or videos. The gift of beautiful memories. Never letting their life be forgotten.

He comforts us. He heals the broken hearted. God is good, even when situations are not, God is. ~Psalm 56:8

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ~Psalm 147:3

So pull up a chair to the table, set a plate and name card for the one who is no longer there and let the stories and memories flow.

Let us honor the ones who have simply gone before us to where we want to be when it’s our turn – dancing and praising in the presence of Jesus.

There is hope in the midst of the sadness. We will see our loved ones again and that is worth celebrating.

On this Christmas Eve, I am thankful God sent His one and only Son Jesus to pave the way for each one of us who love Him. Yes, we miss the ones who have gone before us and left their seat at our table empty, yet we celebrate they are in Heaven. Seated with Jesus at the Heavenly Christmas Table. ~OC

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