Tag: Loss

The Empty Seat

Today’s a new day! As I wake up on this Christmas Eve, my thoughts turn to those walking through hard times this holiday season. On this day before Christmas, some are experiencing their first Christmas season with an empty chair at the table.

This year like so many, I have experienced the loss of loved ones.

The loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, sibling, niece, nephew, friend or the tragic loss of a child creates a hole begging to be filled and a seat at the table that will remain empty.

At times these precious family members may feel deserted. By God, by life, by family and friends who don’t know what to say, so they stay away.

So what do you do for someone who is grieving on what should be one of the merriest days of the year?

I pray the following helps.

1) Your presence and words matter

Saying I can’t imagine…

Nothing more. Nothing less. Those words embrace them, their loss, and their pain, showing you care. Deeply. And you are there, for them, with them, regardless of the pain it causes you to share in theirs.

When we add words after I can’t imagine, we are likely to add our own emotions, thoughts and feelings. Just simply acknowledge their feelings, pain and loss.

I can’t imagine…yet I care. Simply be with them.

2) Say the name of their lost loved one. Hearing the name of that precious person matters and makes a difference in the healing process. Avoiding speaking the name actually hurts everyone there, so share stories, cry and laugh as you recall the amazing life of a loved one.

So say their name…

3) Pull out the pictures! Sometimes the best gift and step to healing is going through old photos or videos. The gift of beautiful memories. Never letting their life be forgotten.

He comforts us. He heals the broken hearted. God is good, even when situations are not, God is. ~Psalm 56:8

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ~Psalm 147:3

So pull up a chair to the table, set a plate and name card for the one who is no longer there and let the stories and memories flow.

Let us honor the ones who have simply gone before us to where we want to be when it’s our turn – dancing and praising in the presence of Jesus.

There is hope in the midst of the sadness. We will see our loved ones again and that is worth celebrating.

On this Christmas Eve, I am thankful God sent His one and only Son Jesus to pave the way for each one of us who love Him. Yes, we miss the ones who have gone before us and left their seat at our table empty, yet we celebrate they are in Heaven. Seated with Jesus at the Heavenly Christmas Table. ~OC

0

Life Takes A Village

Today’s a new day! As the holidays are just a few days away, I encourage everyone to not forget about those loved ones going through loss this season. Whether the loss of a loved one happened a few days ago or decades ago, the pain is still real. Going through the grieving process can be a very dark and difficult time for a person. However, it is also hard for the loved ones of this individual. Family members and friends often struggle to find the best ways to be supportive. Plus, the holiday season can make this process that much more challenging.

If you are the loved one of a grieving individual, understanding the stages in this process is an important place to start, but there are also many genuine things you can do to show your love and help.

Reach out to them. Most grieving people find it hard to take initiative and reach out to others. You can help by doing this for them. Stay connected with them via visits, phone calls, text, email or video chat. Make sure you are still checking in on them in the months following their loss, when fewer people are doing so.

Find ways to help. Come up with specific tasks you can assist with. Volunteer to drop off pre-made dinners so they don’t have to worry about cooking. Check and see if you can run errands for them. See if there is any house or yard work they need assistance with. Maybe they just need you to sit with them.

Don’t be afraid to say their name.To share stories. Those grieving can be concerned that their loved one will be forgotten by others. Therefore, don’t be afraid to mention the loved one’s name and to share stories about the person. Those stories may bring some tears, but they could also bring some much needed laughs.

This holiday season will be tough for many this year, so take the time to reach out to them and let them know you care. Life takes a village. ~OC

1

Thankfulness While Grieving

Today’s a new day! Today is also Thanksgiving Day. I have many things to be thankful for, but I am also grieving the death of a loved one. This has been a hard week.

It can be difficult to be thankful when you’re in a season of grieving. When you experience the loss of a loved one you begin to wonder if you will ever feel happy again. It is hard to be thankful when you are hurting. The Bible is not silent on the issue of suffering. The Bible is full of scriptures and stories about suffering.

Giving thanks to God during times of grief is difficult, but not impossible. In fact, it is one of the best ways of progressing towards hope while you are grieving. How can you be thankful during times of grief? I believe Remembering , Reflecting , and Rejoicing can guide us through a season of loss and grief.

First, take time to remember. Remember all the truths about God you have been taught and believe. Do not doubt in the darkness what you have clearly seen in the light. One of the results of the grieving process is that our minds become absorbed with that one thing. It is so important that you force yourself to remember key foundational truths about God. Remember that He loves you. Remember that He is in control. Remember that He is always working good; even in the bad circumstances. While grieving, you may not want to hear someone quote Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” But, remember that it is true. 

Second, take time to reflect. Reflect on your current situation, but do not dwell on it. What’s the difference between reflecting and dwelling? Think of it like a house. When you dwell in a house you live in it. Dwelling on the cause of your grief is like going back to the situation and living there as you relive it over and over. When you reflect, you think deeply and carefully about something. Going back to the house illustration, rather than dwelling in the house, you sit outside the house and look in. Reflecting is different because it gives you time to grieve and realize that your life has changed and there will be a new reality moving forward.

Remember, there is no set timeframe for you to stop grieving. Please hear that. Grief has no timeline. In one sense, you will never stop grieving until you are given your new body and dwelling with God in Heaven. The purpose in grieving well is not to stop grieving, but to begin grieving with hope.

When we are grieving we are overwhelmed by our emotions. Our emotions are powerful and have great control over us, so we are told in the Bible to take control of them. We do this by guarding our heart. Proverbs 4:23, “Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” The heart is the essence of who we are. It is more than just emotions. It is the command center of your life. It directs our emotions.

Through grief and mourning we must remember to guard our hearts.

Third, take time to rejoice. In the middle of your mourning, allow your heart and mind to remember some of the beautiful moments and memories. That can be difficult in the midst of a loss or a difficult season in life. But the fact that God has brought us this new day means that we can rejoice and be glad in it. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to give thanks in all circumstances. This verse does not teach us that every circumstance is good, but that God is good. This is not always easy, but we must continue to lean into this truth.

So today take some time to Remember, Reflect, Rejoice

*Remember all the truths about God you have been taught and believe. 

*Reflect and give yourself time to grieve. Guard your heart so that you do not believe lies but trust God.

*Rejoice in the Lord who is powerfully and purposefully at work.

If you are grieving, trust God. Consider the story of Martha from John 11. Martha had just lost her brother and was grieving. When she saw Jesus she said to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:21). Martha then said something very profound. Martha said, “But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You” (John 11:22). Martha serves as an example of a godly person hurting yet trusting. So today, allow God to help you give thanks in all circumstances on this Thanksgiving Day. ~OC

1

Some Lessons Learned

Today’s a new day! As I have run this crazy beautiful health journey for the past twenty-two years, I am often asked about the lessons I have learned along the journey. So here are just a few lessons learned along this crazy beautiful journey.

  1. Bring your pain to God don’t run from Him: When you run from God in seasons of challenge, all you’re left with is your own limited ability to cope with what you’re walking through. On the other hand, God invites us to draw near to him that we might experience his peace, healing, and closeness and this is what Scripture points us towards.

 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18

When we bring our pain to God we recognize that there is a purpose and in time God who loves us unconditionally will reveal his divine purpose through it.

  1. Fill your life with God’s word and God’s people: How we respond to the trials of life is critical to how we process what’s happening and how healing will take place. If we treat physical sickness with the incorrect medication, not only will our sickness continue, but it could become worse.

That is why it’s so important to not fill our minds with wrong thoughts; like God is mad at me, God is not good, worse things are going to happen, etc. If we allow those negative thoughts in, we will struggle to experience the peace of God he promises to us in Scripture (Philippians 4:7).

But when we fill our life with God’s words and surround ourselves with people who speak hope and encouragement into our lives, our experience will be much healthier.

“How sweet your words taste to me; they are sweeter than honey.” Psalm 119:103

When we fill our minds with God’s Word, we are reminding ourselves of who our God is, what he’s like, and we replace the lies of the enemy with the truth of God.

  1. Don’t be filled with worry, overflow with worship: Something powerful happens when we actively choose to worship through our suffering. We are not denying reality, we are simply redirecting our posture from one of worry to one of worship.

Worship changes our perspective. Worship speaks about where our confidence and hope lives. Worship redirects our thinking. Worship places the results in God’s hands.

  1. Believe that God will turn your sorrow into great joy: One of the great challenges of our faith is realizing that God can use our pain for our good. Meaning that our biggest sorrows can result in our greatest joy. When you think about Jesus’ greatest sorrow – suffering the shame, punishment, and death for our sin, the result was great joy – the redemption of humanity and the opportunity for a relationship with the living God.

When I reflect on my long health journey, which has been filled with a lot of pain, suffering and loss, I am thankful I pressed into God’s presence and trusted his plan for my life. I have watched him use my health journey to strengthen and encourage others which has resulted in my own comfort and joy through this crazy beautiful health journey.

As you walk through your own suffering today or in the days to come, I pray you will hold on to these powerful promises from God:

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27

“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20

As I continue to run this health battle, I am humbled that Jesus willingly suffered the greatest pain and death because He knew the end of the story and so do we. So keep leaning into the promises of God. ~OC

2

Life…Is So Short

Today’s a new day! Life.. is so short. It will continue to go on. We cannot hold on and think that every day is promised. We have all experienced great losses in this journey called life. We have all felt that pain of losing a loved one, someone that we cared deeply about.

But yet we’re still here and now we must continue on. But what is the example that we’re going to leave? What kind of legacy do we want to leave behind? How do we lead the next generation? Hate is not going to make it work. Being afraid to be truthful to who you are will only limit who you truly are inside.

Don’t let anyone take that away from you. Don’t let anyone take away who you were created to be. Don’t be afraid, to be honest. Don’t be afraid to be different. Even being different can be difficult for a lot of people.

But I guarantee you this, there’s nobody in the world that can do you. When the time comes what would you leave behind? What legacy will be left behind to remind others of your greatness, of your losses, of your victories, of your sorrows? This is a short life that we all have. And it’s not easy, it’s not easy living it every day.

It’s not easy to go through so many different trials, so many different challenges. Maybe that challenge will be a lost relationship, job or financial struggle. It’s not easy walking through tough times in this life. We cannot blame life because it’s not the life that makes these challenges what they are today. It is the purpose and purpose never lies it will always tell you the truth.

But while we exist in this world right now I need you to hold on, I need you to hold on strong and don’t give up, I need you to believe in every possibility that you have and understand that it is not over for you. I need you to understand life is always going to be filled with good moments.

But keep in mind sooner or later, we will breathe our last breath. So keep pushing forward and don’t give up and don’t give in and do the best that you can to have the right attitude. To make your life matter. Your life is not an accident. Your life has so much meaning. Are you ready to take on the unknown? Are you prepared for it? You can’t even understand in most cases how beautiful it is sometimes to not even know what’s coming your way, but knowing that God is planning every step. Sometimes it’s not necessary for us to know everything, sometimes it’s not necessary to understand everything. But are you ready to embrace those moments of uncertainty?

There are a lot of negative things and people that exist in this world. People that can always find the negative in any situation. But we must make peace within our own heart. We must make peace in our community. Life.. is so short. ~OC

0

Adversity

Today’s a new day! Are you currently walking through a storm? Maybe you just came out of a season of trials. We have all been in one of those seasons at some point in our lives. But as we deal with the different trials of life, I believe that God has placed within each of us, seeds of strength, resilience, and fortitude. We can tap into an unbeatable spirit to overcome the adversities of life.

As I have run this crazy beautiful health journey for the last 22 years, I have leaned on the word of God to help me navigate through the storms of life. I pray the following words will help and encourage you as you run your own life journey.

(1) We can run in God’s Presence. In Matthew 28:20, “I am with you always even to the end of the world. And in Isaiah 41:10, we can lean into this promise “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
‭‭
Even when we suffer adversity, we can know that we are in the presence of God. What a great encouragement and comfort to help us through those difficult times.

(2) We can learn from God’s Promises. The Psalmist affirmed that God would be with us. That he is “our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble.” God promises help. Comfort. Hope. And in 1 Peter 5:7, we read “And I will care for you.” God feels our pain. He will supply our every need.

(3) We can lean on God’s Power. No matter what we are facing in life, the love and power of God is with us. Finite strength is undependable and expendable, but God’s infinite power is sufficient for every need. Indeed we are “kept by the power of God” (1 Peter 1:5)

(4) We can look for God’s Purpose. I promise you God’s purpose is not to make you miserable. The Apostle Paul said to “rejoice in the Lord” God does not send pain, problems and pressures. God is the giver of good gifts. “Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.” ~James‬ ‭1‬:‭18‬ ‭

So what is God’s purpose for us when we face adversity? That’s a big question. But for me, it has taught me to Walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7) My season of adversity as made me stronger (James 1:2-3) I have learned to focus on the eternal plan in Jesus. (Ephesians 3:11) To claim victory through his love, grace and mercy. (Romans 8:30-31).

As we continue to run this race called life, we all will suffer moments of adversity. Sometimes we will experience extreme tragedy. Yet, whatever the trials, storms and tragedies we face, we can always walk in the hope, comfort, grace, strength and love of God. ~OC

0

Walking Through Life

Today’s a new day! Have you ever walked through a season of life that left you pondering why God would allow you to experience the hurt, pain or even discouragement that resulted?
Obviously, there are some challenges we face that were a direct consequence of our choices. But as Christians we will walk through seasons of pain, suffering and hardships. As we read in scripture, pain and suffering will be a part of our lives.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Jesus doesn’t simply say we’ll have seasons of suffering and leave us to figure it out. No, he promises peace and reminds us that he walked through trials and overcame the world.
I personally believe, every trial we walk through has a purpose.

Yes, you read that above sentence correctly. We can find purpose as we walk through the storms of life, Our pain and suffering has a purpose. Let’s look at the life of the Apostle Paul for just a second. He underwent beatings, was shipwrecked and experienced multiple imprisonments. But through all of those trials, Paul recognized something that is absolutely essential for us to remember as believers – our pain and suffering is not meaningless but has a purpose. And not just in some situations, but in all things.

Every individual God used mightily throughout the Bible went through seasons of hardship. Moses had to flee his family who wanted to kill him, Elijah had people seeking his death, Queen Esther risked her life in order to save the Jewish people, Jesus’ disciples were martyred for their commitment to Christ and our Savior was beaten and crucified on the Cross. But scriptures repeatedly speaks about how our suffering never concludes without God’s power working through it in a supernatural way. Our seasons of pain and suffering often set us up to see God’s supernatural working in our lives.

I have experienced this truth in my own life over and over as I have walked through this twenty-two years and counting crazy beautiful health journey. For the past 22 years, I have experienced thousands of hospital visits, have had too many test and surgeries to count and have been told hundreds of times I only had a short time left to live. As I write this morning, doctors are not sure how much longer I have left. But through all of the ups and downs of this journey, God has been right here with me. Some friends may have left during this season of health issues, but God has been my rock. My firm foundation through the sleepless nights and the painful days. There has never been a day that God’s supernatural power has not been at work in my life.

But this journey has not been a run in the park. I am sure you can relate as you think about some of the difficult seasons in your life. Maybe you’re walking through one now. Our minds can be filled with the following questions mind such as: Does God hear me? Can I still be used by God? How long will I have to suffer? Where do I go from here?

As I continue to run this crazy beautiful health journey, God has helped me through the pain, discouragement and loss. God has taught me so many amazing lessons on this journey. I have grown in so many ways. I am a stronger person because of this health journey.

So regardless of what trial you’re walking through today or what challenges lay ahead, here are some lessons I have learned during my health journey.

1). Bring your pain and suffering to God. Do not run from Him.
When we choose to run from God in seasons of challenge, all we’re left with is our own very limited ability to cope with what we’re walking through. On the flip side, when we run to God he invites us to draw near to him that we might experience his peace, comfort, healing, and closeness. This is what Psalm 34:18 points to:

 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

Nowhere in scripture do we read that we should suppress our pain, but instead, shows us where to direct it, like in Psalm 147:3:

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” 

During my health journey, I have needed a skilled surgeon to address multiple issues in my body. Those surgeons needed to remove or repair something so I could heal. Like our need for a surgeon to address physical wounds to our body, God desires to conduct divine surgery on our soul which results in supernatural healing despite how difficult the challenge.
When we bring our pain and suffering to God we recognize that there is a purpose and in time the One who loves us unconditionally will reveal his divine purpose through it.

2). We need to fill our lives with God’s Word and good people. The way we respond to challenging seasons is critical to how we process what’s happening and how healing will take place. If we treat physical sickness with the wrong medication, not only will the sickness continue, but it could become much worse. As I have run this health race, I have found surrounding myself with God’s word and with people who speak hope and encouragement into my life, I experience more peace. When we fill our life with negative thoughts and people, we will struggle to experience the peace of God he promises to us in Philippians 4:7:

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

So as you walk through this season of trials, I encourage you to fill your life with God’s word and with people who speak hope, truth and encouragement into your life.

3). Do not let your life be filled with worry. Instead allow praise, worship and gratitude to flow from your life. Something beautiful happens when we actively choose to worship through our suffering. We are not denying our reality, but we are making the choice to redirect our thinking from one of worry to one of worship. Worship can change our perspective. Worship speaks about where our confidence and hope resides. Worship redirects our thinking. Worship places the results in God’s hands. Not ours or the doctors. Whether our pain is the result of health issues, relationship challenges or financial struggle, when we begin to worship the Lord through our struggles, spiritual chains begin to break so that we are not ruled by our circumstance but we set our sights on something higher. Something bigger than ourselves and problems. In the Bible, we read about Paul and Silas praising God while chained and imprisoned. They could praise God because they recognized He was using their imprisonment to help spread the gospel.

4). We must choose to believe that God will turn our pain and sorrow into great joy. One of the paradoxes of Christianity is that God uses our pain for our good. Meaning our biggest trial can result in our greatest triumphs. When you think about Jesus’ greatest sorrow, suffering the shame, punishment, and death for our sins on the Cross, the result was great joy. His death on the cross provided us with hope, joy and the opportunity for eternal life.

As I reflect on my health journey, I do not get caught up in what I have lost along the way. No, I chose to look how God has used my story to strengthen and encourage others walking through their own season of trials. That gives me hope and strength to continue running this crazy beautiful health journey. ~OC

0

Walking Through Grief

Today’s a new day! As we walk into the second week of 2024, I know many are still grieving a loss. Some are currently in the process- some are preparing for a loss and for some the loss has already occurred. For some the loss is fresh, for others the loss took place twenty years ago. Grief comes in many forms. Maybe it’s the death of a loved one, possibly the end of a relationship or maybe a devastating diagnosis. But whatever the loss and wherever you are now, lean into your feelings, reach out to your community and put in the work involved to deal with your grief. Be present during these difficult times. Do not numb out all your feelings. Do not run away from the pain and loss. As much as you can, stay present. Lean into God’s love, kindness, strength and healing and you will find all that you need.

If you are walking through a season of grief it’s okay – lean in, open up, feel what you feel, as much as you’re ready. Showing up goes a long way. ~OC

0

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑