Tag: Marriage

Not Your Average Valentine’s Day Post

Hello. I wrote this a few years ago and updated it this morning.

Today’s a new day! So my wife and I haven’t celebrated Valentine’s Day in many years. So many that I cannot even remember when we stopped. Before you call me a hater, it’s not that we have anything against love or romance. Actual love just seems like it has become overshadowed by consumerism for Valentine’s Day. Romance isn’t about forced flowers, chocolates or expensive presents. True love isn’t defined by material gifts. No, true love is about what comes from the heart. Yes, I get that Valentine’s Day can also be about doing something special for your significant other, but why wait for that one day of the year. We should always be doing nice things and celebrating our loved one.

Laura and I celebrated twenty-five years of marriage last year. I’m not gonna say our marriage is completely perfect. We have had disagreements over the years, but we never allow the day to end with us being in disagreement. We also never take each other for granted. Choosing the right person to marry is very important but both people also need to agree to make a commitment to be intentional in the relationship and never stop working at it. I’ve seen couples who have been together for years, but don’t seem happy at all. Well it doesn’t have to be that way if you make the effort to not let the fun and excitement of your marriage slip away.

Laura and I do this by choosing love everyday in different ways. Here is just a few:

1. We always say “I love you.” before we leave the house each day. Simple, but how many people forget this simple gesture?

2. We always end each phone call with an I love you even if one of us is just calling to say we’re on our way home.

3. We make a point to always thank each other for the things we do for one another whether they’re big or small. Romantic stuff like taking out the trash.

4. We think about each other when we’re apart. Sometimes we text during the day just because. Sometimes we texted each other when we’re sitting right next to each other.

5. We make each other laugh every day.

6. We enjoy spending time together.

7. We surprise each other with little gifts throughout the year. We do not wait for special occasions to do special things for one another.

8. We support each other no matter what. We truly believe everything will always be okay as long as we’re together.

9. We realize how blessed we are to have one another and it’s not something we take lightly or for granted.

10. After twenty-five years, we still take our wedding vows seriously.

Real love isn’t just about the grand gestures because it’s the small things that add up to keep love and happiness alive. And love every day is infinitely more rewarding than celebrating love on some designated holiday. Sometimes, I think back to when we were dating and it amazes me that we’re now still living out the dream we had back then of always being together. Every day we laugh, talk, work through things and grow together. And we know just how blessed we are that our dream has become a reality and that sometimes reality is even better than a dream. ~OC 

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Loving Your Bride

Today’s a new day! Some days, you make decisions that change the trajectory of the rest of your life.

On a January morning in 1999, I decided to attend something I had never attended before. A singles event hosted by my church. I have never been a fan of single events. That is another blog post for another day. But that beautiful morning in Palm Beach, FL, I would meet a young lady that would change my life forever. That was the day I met my future bride Laura.

Last week we celebrated our twenty-five wedding anniversary. As I have walked through this beautiful journey called marriage, I have learned a few lessons about marriage. Obviously, these lessons come from my experience has a husband.

As I have looked through scriptures over the years, looking for ways that Jesus loves the church, ways that he calls me to echo his love for me in my love for my bride, I have found several great lessons, but I will only share ten of them. God calls you, as a husband, to love your wife like Jesus loves her. I hope you will reflect and pray over the following lessons.

1). Stubborn Love:
Jesus won’t ever leave his bride. He says to her, “Behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). His love for your bride is based not on her performance but on his covenant love for her. When we keep our marriage covenants through all of the challenges and changes over years of married life, we reflect his kind of stubborn, delight-filled love. May our brides know the comfort of love that says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). As everyone knows, Laura and I have had our challenges with my health.

2)Hopeful Love:
When Jesus looks at your bride, he sees her as already sanctified. This hope is anchored in the power and promise of the gospel. Paul writes to believers, “You were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:11; italics mine). In fact, he sees her not only as already sanctified but as already glorified (Romans 8:30). How often would your bride say that your love for her “hopes all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7)? By keeping eternity in mind, you can have patience with your bride, just as Jesus does with her—and you.

3). Pursuing Love:
Jesus never takes a break from pursuing our bride’s heart, not romantically but persistently. In fact, he cares not only about her devotion but also her affection (Psalm 37:4). He is the tireless Shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine to seek after the one (Luke 15:4–7). In a similar way, God is glorified when a husband continually seeks a deeper relationship with his bride. A husband who has been captured by Jesus’s love is an incurable romantic toward his bride.

4). Forgiving Love:
Jesus gives our bride’s grace when they do not deserve it. It may be that the most Christlike thing you can do is offer your bride forgiveness on a daily basis, remembering that you too are in need of forgiveness. The picture of forgiving love that every husband should seek to emulate is Jesus making breakfast for Peter who had sinned against him, denying him three times at his crucifixion (John 21:12–15). Is it you or your bride who is usually the first to begin to move toward reconciliation when it’s needed?

5) Joyful Love:
Jesus doesn’t just put up with your bride or grudgingly, but persistently love her—Jesus loves to love her. He delights to be with his bride. He receives joy by giving us joy (Hebrews 12:2). Wives who are loved this deeply, who know their husbands love to love them, are often an even greater blessing to others. Love your bride so joyfully that it’s obvious to her and others.

6).Serving Love
Jesus served her in life and death. There is nothing and I mean nothing, that God can call you to do for your bride that would be too much! Jesus “gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Many husbands think of themselves as kings to be served, but you and I are called by God to be the chief servants in our homes. The way to Christlikeness in our marriages is through joining Jesus in taking up the towel and the basin (John 13:12–17).

7). Sanctifying Love:
Jesus loves your bride by helping her to grow in holiness and by being her advocate before the Father (1 John 2:1). Do you encourage your bride to go to Bible study, even if it means you have to care for the kids by yourself or cook dinner for yourself? Do you regularly bring your bride before the Father in prayer? Work hard to help your bride blossom spiritually.

8). Leading Love:
Jesus leads us to what is good for us. Jesus not only loves your bride with a leading rather than a passive love, but he also leads her toward what is good (Psalm 23:2). It is impossible to lead our brides spiritually if we ourselves are not being led by God through the Word and prayer. One way you can lead her well is by seeking her input and then making big decisions (and accepting the consequences), rather than allowing the decisions and consequences to fall to her.

9). Providing Love:
Jesus provides your bride with all that she needs. Do you notice your bride’s needs, even beyond physical provision, and do something about it? Christ nourishes her, providing an environment for growth and flourishing. The apostle Paul explains to us that “in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:28). It made a marked difference in my marriage when I realized that it was my responsibility to do what I could to fill my wife’s sails

10). Knowing Love:
Jesus knows your bride better than she knows herself. He has an informed love for her. He knows her strengths and her weaknesses, and he acts on her behalf (Ephesians 5:29–30). While we will never know our bride’s like God knows them, he wants us to know them as well as we can. Our prayers for them will always be hindered if we fail to know them (1 Peter 3:7). Our bride’s know they are cherished when we make an effort to really know them.

My Brothers, we have an enemy, that ancient serpent, who desires to squirm his way into our homes and cause havoc. But praise God, we know the snake crusher, Jesus, who has already defeated him and loved us with a supernatural love. Know that when you love your bride like Jesus loves her, the foundation of your marriage is strengthened, Satan is defeated again, and Christ is lifted up for more to see. Keep loving and honoring your bride. ~OC

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Twenty-Five Years. Twenty-Five Lessons.

Earlier this week, Laura and I celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary. I can’t believe it’s been 25 years. This year to celebrate 25 years together, I want to share 25 things we have learned in this crazy beautiful journey. Obviously, we have learned more than 25 things, but these are the things that came to mind as I was writing this blog.

1). Pray continually.

2).Our faith in God, is what holds us together.  It’s the foundation for our relationship.

3).Protect your marriage by always putting it first…before self, before kids, before career, before parents, before friends. First. Period.

4).It’s ok to talk about how you feel. Just make sure those conversations are filled with respect.

5).Time alone together is important. Date Nights and getting away together once or twice a year is healthy for your relationship.

6).Learn the other person’s love language.

7).Laughter is good for a relationship.

8).Develop a shared interest. It can be simple. Laura and I like to travel and just sit around our house and chill.

9).You will face challenges in life. Work through those tough moments together. Always together.

10).Don’t allow family, friends or cultural to dictate your marriage.

11).In-laws can be challenging at times, but also a beautiful blessing.

12). Marriage not 50/50. It’s 100/100. However, you will not always both be able to give 100% and that’s ok. There will be times you and the Lord will carry things for the both of you. That is Love.

13). Don’t keep score.

14). Make the choice daily to love your spouse.

15). Serve your spouse even when you’re tired and maybe you don’t feel like it.

16). Communicate! Don’t keep things bottled up.

17). It’s ok to agree to disagree.

18). Having a separate interest is okay as long as it doesn’t interfere with your relationship.

19).Listen and let them know they are truly heard.

20). Tell your spouse you’re proud of them.

21). Support their dreams.

22). Critique with love.

23). When life gets tough, remember what you love about them

24). It’s a treasure to have someone to walk through the highs and lows of life with you.

25). Love always.

I am forever grateful that God has blessed me with a bride who loves God first. Also I have always known Laura loves me even on my worst day.

As I reflect on our 25 years together, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 comes to mind:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

To those couples that might be reading this post, I pray you will cling to the Lord and each other.  It’s what has carried Laura and I this far and I know it will you as well. ~OC

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Thank You!

As I write this, Laura is fast asleep, her day will be filled with one thing after another. So I want to jot a few words that could never really approach an accurate measure of the gratitude I have that for the last 25 years, I have gotten to call her my bride.

I have heard many people give marriage advice over the years. But the best advice I can give any couple is to keep God at the center of your marriage and that your spouse becomes your best friend.

Today, Laura and I celebrate our 25th anniversary. And while I could wax poetic about love, commitment, romance, and other things that people associate with married couples, I want to thank my bride for the things that keep me glued to her, the small things that define why the man I see in the mirror today – despite no hair, the wrinkles and the body a little more worn out, is a better man than I was 25 years ago.

Thank you for always being my best friend, confidant and sounding board.

Thank you for smiling at me from across the room in a crowd of people to let me know that you still know I am there.

Thank you for being the first person I want to call to talk about a personal victory that might be small in the eyes of others, but monumental to me.

Thank you for being the first person I want to share my thoughts and writing with you.

Thank you for being my rockstar, chauffeur and health advocate over the years.

Thank you for always telling me the truth.

Thank you for sharing all the road trips with me and doing most of the driving.

Thank you for allowing me to be a collector of books and hats.

Thank you for helping me finish my thoughts. As my health declines and my thoughts are harder to find, you always make it a little easier.

Thank you for reminding me to eat and take in fluids.

Thank you for telling me to go to the doctor when I am just tired of going.

Thank you for seeing how tired I get in social settings and making sure I do not overdo it.

Thank you for finding so much in life to laugh at and with.

Thank you for your relentless pursuit in making our life better.

Thank you for laughing at and getting my dark sense of humor. I am thankful for your dark sense of humor.

Thank you for being the most selfless person I know.

And thank you for making me want to be a better man, not because of some expectation that you may have of me, but because I want to become a better man.

Thank you for showing patience as I walk through this health journey.

As we celebrate our 25th Anniversary, I love you more today than the day we said “I do.” Happy Anniversary! ~OC

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Happy 25th!

Today, Laura and I are celebrating our 25th Wedding Anniversary. When you start out on this journey called marriage, your 25th anniversary seems so far away. But, as many people told us as newlyweds, time flies when you are having fun and it sure does.

We met at a singles event along the walking trail in Palm Beach, FL in January 1999. We enjoyed some great conversation and laughs, but we both did not walk away thinking that’s the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with. No, that would come a little later. But not much later. But we took those first few months to pray and get to know each other better.

So in April of 1999, we got engaged. I told you it was not much later. Then on September 3,1999, we both took vows to love, respect and cherish each other for the rest of our days. Oh, we also committed to love each other through sickness and health. Little did we know what was ahead of us in that area of our marriage. I think Laura drew the short stick on that one.

As many of you know, just a few years into our marriage my health started to decline. What we thought would be a short story of overcoming health issues, has turned into a twenty-two year and counting crazy beautiful journey. One that has drastically changed our marriage and our lives. But I believe Laura would agree, it has made our marriage and our lives stronger.

As we have walked this crazy health journey, we have been surrounded by some amazing family and friends. Some of those friends have been part of our love story from the very beginning. I am so thankful for their support during our journey and for having them share in so many special moments with us over the last 25 years.

The past 25 years have been filled with some tough moments. We have dealt with issues most couples will never deal with or at least not until they’re later years. We have been told countless times, that I would not make it for another 24 hours. We have celebrated countless holidays with me in the hospital. But through all of those tough moments, we dealt with them together. And we laughed. One of the promises I made to Laura on the day we got married, was I would make her laugh every day. Even through the storms of life, I am happy to say I have kept that promise. As Laura and I have traveled this journey we realize that marriage is just two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other. We have made our marriage a priority and kept God at the center.

As we celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary today, we count it all joy for the amazing journey God has allowed us to experience together. We know every day and every anniversary is a gift. A gift we never take for granted. So today, we will spend some time reflecting, celebrating and laughing. Always laughing. Together. ~OC

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National Loving Day

Today is National Loving Day. This celebrates the 1967 Supreme Court decision Loving vs. Virginia. The Court struck down as unconstitutional laws in 16 states that prohibited interracial marriages. ~OC

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Twenty Years Ago Today

I made one of the best decisions of my life twenty years ago. I had the honor of marrying my best friend Laura West Shoemaker. Oh, what a journey it has been. So many amazing moments and memories.

Laura and I met in January of 1999 and were married by September 1999. Crazy I know! I am sure a lot of people thought we were crazy when we exchanged our vows. Remember, we had only known each other for nine months. But we knew God had brought us together, to walk this journey called life as husband and wife. Of course, we had no idea what a crazy beautiful journey it would be.

Imagine being just a few years into your marriage and your life changing forever. That was what Laura and I experienced in 2002. Finding out that my body was beginning to betray me was life changing, but not in the way you might think. My health journey has been a struggle for both of us. At the same time, the journey has been an amazing gift. A gift Laura and I have decided to embrace with enthusiasm. Most days.

From the very beginning, Laura and I decided that my health struggles would not define us. Our story would not be a sad one. No, we made the choice to keep living. Not just living, but to truly Thrive in life.

Our faith has been a major part of our marriage. From the very beginning, God has been the center of our relationship. We did meet at church after all. God has walked with us every step of our crazy journey. Through the good times and the challenging times

From the highs of exchanging wedding vows twenty years ago to the continuing challenges of dealing with life threatening health issues in 2019, the journey has been one amazing ride. I would not change a thing. The good days and the challenging days have brought us closer together. This journey has been filled with so many amazing memories. No day or moment taken for granted. Each day celebrated. Each moment cherished. I am grateful God has allowed us to walk this crazy beautiful journey together. Let’s keep living this adventure and making amazing memories together. Love you girl! ~OC

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