Tag: men’s groups

Where’s The Iron?

Today’s a new day. And before I say anything else, I want to say thank you to the very few friends who have stayed by my side during this crazy, beautiful health journey. You know who you are. You are definitely in the minority. Your texts, your calls, your presence — not just your emojis — have meant more than you’ll ever know. It’s both funny and heartbreaking how someone can be celebrated as the “flavor of the month” for a season in the Christian community, applauded, platformed, and praised… yet the moment that same person enters a difficult health season, many quietly disappear. Some walk away from the responsibility to love and care as quickly as you can say, “Bless your heart, I’ll be praying for you.”

I’ve seen this especially in Christian men’s circles. Brotherhood is preached. Loyalty is applauded. Accountability is emphasized. But when things get uncomfortable — when illness lingers, when strength looks like weakness, when there’s nothing flashy or impressive to celebrate — friendships often fade. A thumbs up on a post. Prayer hands in a text. Maybe an occasional visit to check a box. And while those gestures aren’t meaningless, they’re not the fullness of brotherhood either. I’m not writing this from a place of anger. I’m writing from disappointment. There’s a difference. Disappointment comes from believing we can do better — that we’re called to do better.

Over the years, I’ve sat in countless men’s Bible studies where words like “iron sharpens iron” and “we’re in this together” are boldly proclaimed. Yet consistent, sacrificial friendship — the kind that shows up over and over again — is rare. And I share this not just for myself, but for the many brothers silently carrying their own battles. Health struggles. Mental strain. Financial pressure. Family heartbreak. So many men are walking through something and feel like they’re walking alone. That shouldn’t be the testimony of the Church.

I truly pray no one ever has to walk the specific health road I’m on. But if you ever do face your own long night, I pray you don’t just receive words — I pray you feel presence. I pray you’re surrounded by brothers who stay. Brothers who check in consistently. Brothers who sit in silence when needed. Brothers who don’t vanish when the spotlight fades.

Today’s a new day. And maybe this is a call for all of us — myself included — to love deeper, stay longer, and live out the brotherhood we so easily preach about.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. May the love and peace of God rest upon each of you. ~OC

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Men’s Groups…Not A Fan

Today’s a new day! I am often asked about my thoughts on Men’s Bible Studies and men’s gatherings. At first I chose not to respond, but then I thought I should be upfront and honest.

There are really two reasons I no longer attend and to be honest believe in men’s groups. Let me just say, the following is based on my experience only. If you have had great experiences with men’s groups, that’s awesome. I would encourage you to continue to be part of them.

The first reason I no longer attend men’s groups or events is, I have never felt part of any men’s groups. I have tried connecting with some of the guys from these groups with little to no success. I have found most men’s groups are mainly concerned about making the “right connections” and I guess I do not fit that criteria. Also, the only time I hear from most of these guys is when I post something on social media they do not agree with. Then all the sudden they want to be involved in my life. Which leads me to my second reason.

The second reason you no longer see me at these gatherings, is because several men in those groups have shown their true colors and I cannot be part of that kind of foolishness. What do I mean? Several men in the men’s groups I was connected with have on more than one occasion, questioned my faith and character because my political and social beliefs do not align directly with theirs. But to be honest, I am not mad at them because they just revealed what most of the men in these group are thinking, but keep to themselves.

So, I will continue to keep my distance from gatherings where I am not free to share my thoughts and opinions, without my faith and character being questioned. I am thankful for those friends and groups who choose to respect opinions that differ from theirs. Those are the groups I choose to support. ~OC

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Step Up Men!

Good morning. God put this on my heart.

Step Up Men! I think one of the biggest problems in our society today are passive men. Men who want authority with no accountability. Our problems are not the result of what is going on in the world. Even though so many men like to use that as an excuse. No, I would say that most of our problems are the result of men who refuse to embrace their God given role in our society and will not be the husband, father and man that God has called us to be. Men, it’s time to step up and stop making excuses. ~OC

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Men’s Groups. Not a Fan

This week I was asked to be part of a men’s bible study. I accepted, but with some reluctance. You see, I am not a huge fan of men’s groups. I have been part of several men’s groups over the years. Sadly, most have not ended well. No major incidents, just not a lot of love or genuineness. Unfortunately, I do not think my experience is isolated. Why is it so hard for men to gather and be real with each other? Here are some of my thoughts.

Don’t Share Your Feelings. Most men are raised not to share their feelings. This usually starts at a young age. It could be a father or coach telling that young boy to not cry. To be tough. Shake it off. At the time it sounds like great advice. Then that young boy becomes an adult and has no idea how to share their feelings. Not just with other men, but with anyone.

Surface Conversations. Men are great at surface conversations. We can talk about our jobs or sports all day long. Just don’t asked most men how they’re really doing. Most will not know how to react. They might bolt and never return.

Identity. Most men start off a conversation with “What do you for a living.” Most men are caught up in their careers. There is nothing wrong with being proud of your career and providing for your family. God wants men to provide for their families. But what happens when that identity is taken away? I remember when I had to retire early based on my health issues. I lost a big part of my identity. At the same time, I had to give up running. A double blow to my identity. Who am I now? What is my purpose?

During this crazy beautiful health journey, God has revealed three identities with me, that I believe we all deal with at some point in our lives. Not just men. This revelation has helped me be the person God truly created me to be. I pray it helps you.

World Identity. This is the identity the world creates for us. Our careers, our relationships and our possessions. If we are not careful, this identity can consume us. Our world identity is build on sand. It can be washed away in seconds.

Goliath Identity. This is a negative identity we create inside us. The one that says we are not good enough. We will never measure up. Why are we even trying? Just stay who and where you are. This identity can keep us from living the life God truly created for each of us.

Our Identity in God. This identity is the one that will make us whole. The one that will allow us to be all that God has created us to be. This is our true identity.

So, I will attend the Bible Study next week. I will go into it with an open mind and heart. My prayer is that real topics will be discussed. That these men will not be afraid to speak truth. I pray that real friendships will be made. ~OC

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