Gratitude

Today’s a new day! Here is another “Lost Writings From OC.” This was written in 2022.~OC

When life is easy, gratitude is easy. But not in the storms. Not in the worried nights when anxiety is overwhelming us. Not in the hospital when pacing the floors hoping for good news. Gratitude hinges on our willingness to accept God’s will over our own. Accepting that He is in control, and we can trust Him.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, we see God’s instruction to always be thankful: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

In the storms of life, God is our only hope. His faithfulness and His goodness are present even during the darkest moments. It might not happen immediately, but thankfulness grows as we cling to Him. We are grateful not only for the joys of restored health, restored relationships and overcoming grief, but for the sorrows that brought us to a place of utter dependence on Jesus.

Today, before your day gets too busy with meetings and a to do list to get through, take some time to reflect on what God has done in your life. Offer gratitude not only for the “easy-sailing” blessings, but also for the lessons learned during the storms.

Dear God, thank You not only for Your countless blessings, but for the challenges that draw us near to You. For the lessons learned during the storm. Thank You for the hard moments when You gave us the strength to wait out the storm. You are so good. Whatever storms come into our lives, You are our Rock and our Shelter. Thank You for Your light that surrounds us, and Your love that never fails. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Walking Through The Unknown

Today’s a new day! Here is another “Lost Writings of OC.” This was written in 2018. I hope and pray it will bring you some encouragement. ~OC

Have you had moments in life, that you allowed fear to overwhelm you? Those moments where you just crawled under the covers because the fear had become too much for you to handle. I think we have all had moments of fear to some degree.

I remember when my health first started to fail me. Fear decided to pay me a little visit. Even though I do not remember it, my wife Laura shared I started giving some of my possessions away. The one thing I do remember about that period of time is, I opened my Bible and this familiar passage jumped off the pages:

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” (Isaiah 43:1-2)

As I read each word slowly, God showed me something I’d never seen: My fears were like flames and my efforts to protect myself were like gasoline. Every attempt to ease my fears was like dousing fuel on the fire, and now it was consuming me.

Gently, the Holy Spirit reminded me of 2 Timothy 1:7: “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

Suddenly, I knew the only way to overcome my fear and walk in faith was to walk through what most of us fear the most. The Unknown. At that time and even today, I have no idea what my future holds health wise, but thankfully I know who holds my future in his hands. I am often reminded of this scripture: “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

I had to make the decision to put fear away and walk through this health journey trusting God, realizing that even if my worst fears came true, He would still be with me.

Obviously, that doesn’t mean I no longer have moments of fear creep into my life. I am human after all. But in those moments, instead of letting fear overwhelm me I open my Bible and allow God’s words to flow over me. I lift my prayers up to God and asked for him to help me overcome whatever fear is trying to steal my peace. As I do these two things, I begin to feel that fear wash away.

In this long crazy beautiful health journey, I have learned that fear loses its power when we actively trust God more than what we fear.

Today, ask God to show you what you are afraid of. What is paralyzing your faith and keeping you from living confidently in His peace and freedom? And then make the choice to allow God to help you walk courageously through your fears, holding God’s hand and trusting His heart to lead, protect and preserve you each step of the way.

Dear God, help us walk through our fears by facing them instead of being paralyzed by them. We want to take Your hand and trust Your heart with all that is within us. Give us courage today to take the first step. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen

A Prayer for America

Today’s a new day! Dear God, my heart grieves for America. Your word tells us that any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall (Luke 11:17). Our nation is so divided, and it pains me to think of our country falling. But I know we cannot stand without you at the center.

We know we must honor you, recognize you as Lord and Savior. We must acknowledge our shortcomings and failures. We must be willing to surrender to you, to follow the plans you have for us. As a whole, our country has fallen away, turned our backs on you.

But, for the sake of the faithful remnant, we call on you to be merciful to us. You know there are those who continue to choose you, who continue to truly seek your face. You know there are faithful ones who truly desire to honor you, to point the world back to you. For the sake of the faithful ones, hear our prayers and save our nation.

This world continues to grow darker. We know the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing (1 Corinthians 1:18), but we continue to cling to the old rugged cross. We know it is only because of the gift of your Son, Jesus Christ, that we have forgiveness and can enter into your presence.

As the world grows darker, we have an opportunity to let our lights shine brighter, to let your light shine through us to illuminate the darkness. May we reflect your goodness and grace for all the world to see. May we be purified as silver so the world sees an accurate reflection of you.

America has become such a hotbed of dissension. I pray that we, as Christians, would lead the way in putting aside our differences and learning to listen to those with whom we disagree. My dearest brothers and sisters take this to heart: Be quick to listen, slow to speak. And be slow to become angry, for human anger is never a legitimate tool to promote God’s righteous purpose. So this why we abandon everything morally impure and all forms of wicked conduct. Instead, with sensitive spirit we absorb God’s Word, which has been implanted within our nature, for the Word of Life has power to continually deliver us. (James 1:19-21)

Help us to be wise in the way we conduct ourselves, in the way we live our lives. May we remember, it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11)

May we set our hearts and minds on things above, not on earthly temporal matters.  Because we are your chosen people, holy and dearly loved, help us clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. May we bear with each other and forgive one another… as the Lord forgave us. And over all these virtues may we put on love, which binds us all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:12-14)

I pray we would focus completely on you so your perfect peace will rule in our hearts, since as members of one body we were called to peace. And help us to be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among us richly, as we sing to God with gratitude in our hearts. And whatever we do, whether in word or deed, may we do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:15-17)

In this day and age where people freely say whatever they think, whatever they feel, I pray we as Christ-followers would remember the importance of speaking words of life and hope. Help us remember that if we consider ourselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on our tongues, we deceive ourselves, and our religion is worthless. May we show the world true religion that you accept as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep ourselves from being polluted by the world. (James 1:19-20)

Don’t let our faith be dead. Instead, help us show our faith by our actions. May we reach out to those who are hurting, those who are in need. May we be the hands and feet of Christ, meeting the physical needs of those around us. May we share your love by giving to those around us, by proving our faith through our actions. Never let us be all talk with no action.

Father, we long to see your face, to see your hand of grace and mercy over us. See our hearts as we bow before you. See our longing to know you better.

May your remnant, your people, who are called by your name, humble ourselves and pray and seek your face and turn from our wicked ways, so you will hear from heaven, and forgive our sin and heal our land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)

Help us all to put away politics, and join together and pray your blessings over America. Pour out your spirit of wisdom and reconciliation to our political leaders. Give them a heart that longs to seek you, to follow you. Give our political leaders a desire to sit with those who think differently, who have different agendas, and to listen, to find common ground, to find ways to bridge the gap and move forward together.

Dear God, we pray for unity within America. We don’t always understand why things happen as they do, but we do know you are still in control. May we commit to praying for each of our leaders, for our country, each and every day. May we commit to doing our part to bring unity wherever our journey takes us.

Dear God, we are yours. Hear our prayers, our pleas, for healing in our nation. We know it can only come through you, through your mercies which are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness! ~OC

Just Dance

Today’s a new day! As I continue to run this crazy beautiful health journey, I want to continue sharing some wisdom and life lessons with you. I pray they will challenge and encourage at least one person.

Today’s Lesson: Dance Through the Journey

Life might not be the journey we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance.

One of the first things I would encourage anyone currently walking through a life you didn’t necessarily choose is to Embrace the Journey.

Grasping this approach to life is something I have been working on as I dance my way through this crazy beautiful health journey.

But twenty-three years into this health journey, I still don’t have it down — but thankfully I am further along than I used to be. Praise God.

As I have spoken to many different people during my journey, I have found so many people live life with the following beliefs:


“Once I get through (fill in the blank), then I’ll have time for … “


“When my children are grown and out of the house then I can really … “


“If only I were (fill in the blank — more creative, more outgoing, healthy …) then …”

Most people are living for the future and not making the most of the present.

Most people are waiting for the perfect time, when everything is in order.

Where did we get the idea that would ever be possible?

I’m not sure, but I believe so many times we get caught up in looking at other people’s lives on social media or what we see in the media. If only our life looked like….

We are bombarded with messages that life is all about the pursuit of happiness and the perfect life.

But scripture bears witness to a different reality. We are told to expect trials and count it all joy; that God’s grace is sufficient in our weakness; and even that joy itself is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.

During this health journey, I have found life is not about the pursuit of happiness… It is about joy in the pursuit of God.

It’s about embracing the journey God has called us to for the time He has called us to do it, in the circumstances He has placed us in.

It’s about trusting Him to lead us and leaning on His Spirit to grow the fruit of joy and peace within our souls.

It’s about choosing contentment in spite of the storms.

That’s not always easy.
It does not come naturally.
It requires intention, discipline, and discernment.
But God.

God who calls us to be content is the ONE who equips us to choose joy.

Praise His holy name!

Keep Dancing! ~OC

Someone Is Always Watching

Today’s a new day! As I continue to run this crazy beautiful health journey, I want to continue sharing some wisdom and life lessons with you. I pray they will challenge and encourage at least one person. ~OC

Today’s Lesson: Someone is Always Watching

It doesn’t matter who you are or what your background, there are people that only you will reach in life. . Your life story may be the very things that God uses to help someone else draw near to Him. As you respond with grace and integrity, you will show others that God can change lives. People need to see examples of lives that are being transformed by the power of the Gospel. Lives like yours. 

Do Not Minimize Your Own Influence

Your example is just as needed as the person in the public spotlight. The different talent shows on tv are just one example of our celebrity-worshipping culture. Everyone wants their fifteen minutes of fame. Some seek after it by their talent. Others do outrageous stunts just to gain national attention. You’ve seen the headlines. Especially in Florida. People seem to think that their value is based on how many people know their name. Just spend some time scrolling through social media.

Sadly, the Church is not immune to celebrity-worship. People who just want to know Jesus better are overwhelmed with the myriad of YouTube teachings, TV programs, internet articles and blog posts. The underlying belief of many media consumers is that if someone is on TV or the Internet, then they must be special, they must have a direct pipeline to God and so what they have to say must be true. They must know. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. Not only that, church members are often admired simply because they are in a prominent position. Someone who sings on the platform is implicitly considered more important than the person who serves in children‘s ministry because more people see what they do. We evaluate people by their gifts rather than their character. None of this is healthy or appropriate. That isn’t the way God evaluates any of us. Thank goodness!

The people who live close to you, your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, the people who see the real you, need to see just that, the real you. They need to see how Jesus makes a difference in your life, just as the people close to me need to see the difference He makes in mine. A public person, no matter how genuine, can only share small portions of their real life with the larger audience. People will most likely see them at their best and not have the balance of everyday living to give them an accurate idea of that person’s character. 

When it comes to the people in your life, you have the advantage over the TV personality and your own pastor. You have the ability to let people see how Jesus affects every area of your life. How you respond differently than you used to in any number of situations, how you react to the little annoyances that used to set you off or how you respond to the fears that used to send you into a tailspin. These things will have an influence on the people who live closest to you. As they see you daily conforming to the image of Christ Himself, you give them an example that is accessible. They will see you mess up and make corrections, asking forgiveness when you hurt someone or make a poor choice in life.

That is something they will never get from a YouTube channel or TV preacher. They are more likely to feel like they might be able to follow your example than that of the public Christian who is put on a pedestal because they can only show their best self and seem to have it all together. 

Someone is always watching the way you live.

Live in a manner worthy of the Gospel. 

It never occurred to me that anyone was watching me and how I lived until I started sharing my life journey dealing with multiple life threatening health issues. As I live out this journey, I have had multiple people share how my story has helped them walk out their own journey of crisis. That shocked me. My journey can be so intense that sometimes I am unable to realize how my journey affects those around Laura and I. But because we have tried to listen to God’s direction for us, even though it can be hard and not what we wanted, it affects others in a positive way. They chose to walk through their pain instead of run from it, just as we have. That was the example we have unknowingly set for them. I could have never Imagined that this would be the case. 

Your godly example is exactly what someone else needs.

As you walkout the Gospel in your everyday choices you help others to draw closer to God. People notice a lot more than you think. The thing to keep in mind is that the people in your inner circle will notice the small changes in your life. They will notice when you remain calm instead of stressing out. They will notice that you respond with gentleness at the time when many would react with harsh words. They will notice that you are able to give love when it would be easier to be a little selfish. People will see the difference Jesus is making in your life. And your example of a transforming life may be just what they need in order to begin wondering if Jesus could transform them as well. 

Dear Friends, you may feel small and insignificant, but you’re not. You may not be on a platform, but God has given you a sphere of influence that is unique. It’s a place the public preachers and Christian performers cannot fill. The people in your life need you. They need you to show them what it means to truly follow Jesus. As you follow Him whole-heartedly you are lighting the path for them. Do not worry about your fifteen minutes of fame. Live a life of faithfulness and you will have a more meaningful impact than you could ever realize. 

Key takeaway: Your example is exactly what someone else needs to lead them closer to God.

A Scripture: “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” ~1 Timothy 4:12

A Challenge: Think of some people in your life that don’t know God or maybe they’re just walking through a tough time. Has your example helped them to see God a little more clearly? How could your example make a difference in their lives? Make a commitment to pray for those people and be intentional about living a godly example for them. 

Prayer:  Dear God, it is often hard for us to believe that our small and large decisions really impact someone else. Help us to stay connected to You. Help us to keep You and Your will our main focus. Help us to make choices that please You, from the smallest judgement to the largest commitment. Help us to live for Your glory and let our transforming lives lead others closer to You. Amen

Lead Me Home

I wrote this piece back in 2019, but do not believe I ever posted it. The Lost Writings of OC continues.

Today’s a new day! As I continue to walk this crazy beautiful health journey, I’ve become comfortable in the wilderness moments. The ups and downs, the barren place is a place that I have spent so much time in that it has come to feel like home. I know how to operate there. I know how to encourage others that are in it. Because when you walk through enormous storms in life and God shows up in huge ways, you become changed by it. I see the beauty in the storms. The beauty that can be present even in suffering. That’s a message I believe in and will continue to share. I truly believe God is present with us in the pain and the struggle and the vast and dreadful desert. And that He uses everything–absolutely everything–for our good and His glory. Even when it doesn’t feel good in the moment. Even when it feels like a million shades of awful. The wilderness place is never where our stories end.

Over the years, I have been asked this question many times, but I often wonder if people truly want the answer. How could God allow it? Why? Why does God allow evil to happen? But when we know God and are following Him, we begin to see more of His character. This God of extraordinary love that comes through for us over and over again–in His way and in His timing and in a way that He knows is best for us. Do we want the answer if it means enduring pain is part of the process? If it makes us more like Him? If it strips us of pride and idols and all the junk that just continually brings us down? How could a good God allow it? We see the world through narrow eyes. We see the temporal things. We see just what is in front of our face at the time. And often what is there is so overwhelming–how could we possibly see anything else? But we have to take the time to look at the full picture. We have to think about how our story will ultimately end. Our God who gives us the choice of whether or not to love Him–because could we truly love Him if He didn’t give us that option? He is too big to accept that kind of response. He wants us. He wants us to love Him for who He is because He already loves us for all of who we are. And with the option to love Him also comes the option not to love Him. To travel our own path. Each of us have a will to choose, and we all at different points choose the wrong one. And the world is broken and full of pain and how do we even begin to reconcile it all? How do we accept that He is still good? He promises to be our God. Our deliverer. Our Savior. Our refuge. Our strength. God promises that we are held safely in His everlasting arms. So why doesn’t He move those enormous mountains in our paths? Why does He make us take the slow and sometimes painful climb to the top? The climb that eventually leads us up to the steepest point where we can look below and see the landscape that was always there but was just always over the next valley. This view from the mountaintop allows us to take it all in–the whole picture. The whole journey. To see both where we have come from and where we are going. The reality is, God doesn’t remove every single struggle in our path. He wants us to work through them. He wants us to put one foot in front of the other and feel our muscles trembling with every single step. Sometimes we feel like we are drowning in our struggles and our sorrows and we cry out to Him for rescue, and the tide just gets stronger. We forget that He already parted the seas for us. That our lives aren’t measured from one situation to another, but from His Son making the way for us and the forever that still awaits us. That there is another side to the mountain that we are climbing and the narrow road we walk is so much shorter than we could possibly believe. Every single step up the steep road strengthens our bodies to continue the walk home. It is hard, and it is painful, and at times we fall over and feel like we couldn’t possibly take another step. But it’s still the road home. Are we going to choose it anyway? Are you going to choose a road that is full of pain and sorrow and hurt? Because He says it is part of the path. That suffering was always a companion on our journeys. By following God’s way we are signing up for struggles and heartbreak. But would He ask this of us if it wasn’t worth it? This world is full of so much pain and sorrow, and it is far too much to bear. People all over the world struggling more than we could possibly fathom, and why does He allow it? But would we know His goodness if He didn’t? Because there is a difference between allowing something to happen and condoning it. Approving of it. And if you spend anytime in His word, you will know that God so wholly and completely disapproves. He doesn’t like it anymore than us when we are faced with a huge mountains to climb in our path–but He will use it. He will redeem it. He will show up and walk the journey with us. Because He is good, and He wants the best for us. He can see more than we can and sometimes that means the hard road. Sometimes the hard road is the only road. But I believe it’s worth it. Walking this health journey has not been easy, but I wouldn’t change it. I embrace the lessons learned. The losses endured. I will continue to walk this journey that will eventually lead me Home. ~OC

Simply David

Today’s a new day! I wanted to take a few days before responding to the irresponsible comments made by Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. earlier this week.

Laura and I have a wonderful and loving nephew living with autism. I should correct myself and say that David is thriving in life. As a child, the doctors shared David would never talk, or be able to take care of himself. Oh, how wrong they were. Today David is in his mid twenties and will talk all day if you let him. He also works two jobs and pays taxes. David has won multiple Special Olympic Medals. He and his father volunteer weekly at their church. Everyone at church knows and loves our nephew. David is living his best life.

So when Mr. Kennedy stood before the cameras and declared that children like David “will never pay taxes, never hold a job and never write a poem, I looked on with horror. Mr. Kennedy then went on to claim autism is “a preventable disease” and promised a lightning-fast investigation to root out its so-called environmental causes. While we must look at every possible cause of autism, including environmental factors, we cannot ignore the decades of scientific research that has already been conducted.

And remember, this is coming from a man with no real medical background.

This coming from the man responsible for guiding the United States’ national health policy. Let that sink in for just a second.

What Mr. Kennedy did at that podium was spew misinformation. It was a new level of fear-mongering. It was the 21st-century version of a snake oil salesman promoting false promises with no credible science.

Let me share what autism actually looks like.

It looks like David playing tennis or pickle ball. It’s David being so excited to dress up like Spider-Man to bring some enjoyment to others. It looks like David always checking in on me during and after a hospital stay. It looks like David making Auntie Laura a sandwich or bringing her a fresh drink. It looks like David constantly looking for ways to serve others. That’s what autism looks like.

David is not a victim. He does NOT fit any of Mr. Kennedy’s cartoonish depiction of helplessness.

I realize autism looks different for every individual and family. But in my nephew’s case, he is kind, he continues to learn and he is thriving in life. David has already defied every negative prediction made about him when he was a child.

And if I have to listen to Mr. Kennedy or any other politician turn my nephew into a sound bite for political gain, I will keep using the power of my voice and the power of the pen to call out such blatant misinformation. And I will continue to encourage everyone to reject these false narratives by voting against them on election day.

My nephew is not a tragedy. And he is certainly not an epidemic. He is simply David. A young man with hopes and dreams like the rest of us.

I would encourage everyone to actually do your own research on autism and other health issues and not the words of a man who only cares about pushing his own twisted agenda. Thanks for reading. ~OC

Holy Saturday…We Wait

Today’s a new day! It is Saturday of Holy Week. Yesterday, we reflected on the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross. One temptation on this Holy Saturday is to jump past today right to Easter and celebrate the power of the resurrection. We cannot wait to celebrate the Risen Savior. But on this Saturday we wait.

I believe Holy Saturday is critically important to our spiritual growth. Today is a day of waiting.  As Christians, we need to learn how to wait. Although it may seem like God was silent on that Saturday after Good Friday, he was actively at work behind the scenes. Jesus could have raised from the dead on Saturday. Or even within a couple hours after his crucifixion. But Jesus waited to fulfill the promises of scripture. He made his disciples and everyone who loved him wait. Sometimes Jesus makes you and I wait. Most people are not great at waiting. But oftentimes, Jesus uses the waiting period in our lives to prepare our hearts and minds for the plans and purposes he has for each of us. Sometimes, Jesus uses a season of waiting to see if we truly will trust in him.

Holy Saturday is an also a day of grieving.  Just imagine what the disciples and those who loved Jesus must have been experiencing on that first Holy Saturday so many years ago. They did not have the hope of Sunday. So we must not jump past the important lessons on this Holy Saturday.

Jesus had been crucified.  His body laid in a tomb. The Lamb has been slain. Hope seemed to be lost. But on this Holy Saturday, we cannot forget the words Jesus spoke in Matthew 12:40, “For just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.”
‭‭

And so on this Holy Saturday we wait…Sunday is coming. ~OC

Good Friday: Through A Different Set Of Eyes

Today’s a new day! On this Good Friday, let us take the time to reflect on Jesus and the Cross. I want to look at it through a different set of eyes. ~OC

On this Friday, my final moments took place on a hill at Golgotha – referred to as the place of the skull. On this day, I am surrounded by pain, some people who are angry, while others are filled with sadness. Death is in the air. I could have never imagined through all this pain and misery, everything would change for me. This place designed for death, would turn into a place of life for me.

My journey is pretty typical. I learned how to pray. I learned God’s word. I sat around and listened to the elders share from God’s word. I celebrated all the religious traditions. But as I look back, I was just going through the motions. As I grew older, I eventually left the faith of my parents. As soon as I was old enough, I left home with a little money my father gave me and never went back.

I recall the first time I ever heard this man named Jesus teach. He was sharing a story to the crowd that was assembled and it sounded like he was talking about me. This man Jesus was talking about a young man who left home with the inheritance from his father to go live his life. This young man ended up making some poor choices and longed for the days of his childhood home. This was story! How could this teacher know my story?

Then this teacher continues to tell how this lost son returned home to his father. But did the father tell the returning son, I told you so? Did this father reject his son? No, as the father saw the son approaching from a distance, he ran to him, embraced him, loved on him and celebrated his return.

But that wasn’t my story. I never could or would return home. I was positive my father would never take me back. And God was certainly angry with me. I had sinned way too much. When the money my father gave me was all gone, I started stealing. Stealing led to other poor choices. I was pretty good at stealing and rarely got caught. On those rare occasions I did get caught, I would promise myself I would never do that again. Until I did. I wanted to change, but I always ended up going back to what I knew. Doing what I needed to do to survive.

My heart became harder. I didn’t care who I hurt. I did not listen to anyone. I was my own man.

I remember the second time I saw this man named Jesus. We both were in Jericho and I witnessed him meeting Zacchaeus. Everyone in Jericho knew and hated Zacchaeus. He was a tax collector who cheated anyone and everyone he could. I watched Jesus carefully from the shadows. No telling what Jesus would do to someone like Zacchaeus. But I knew that whatever Jesus said and did to him, I deserved the same as Zacchaeus – but even worse.

I was blown away when Jesus spoke to Zacchaues and actually broke bread with this evil man. Jesus had to know all the terrible things Zacchaeus had done. Every one did. But then something happened that I could not believe. After spending time with Jesus, Zacchaeus promised to give back everything he had stolen and cheated people out of – times four! What? And then Jesus spoke the strangest thing. I remember it like it was yesterday because I have replayed his words everyday since…“Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” Wait! What in the world is this Jesus guy talking about?

Salvation! Not punishment that Zacchaues deserved. Loving and forgiving the lost and broken instead condemning them. I tried my best to not think about it. There is no way Jesus would ever speak those words over me. Could he maybe? No, I was much worse than Zacchaeus.

I immediately left Jericho after seeing and hearing what Jesus had spoken to Zacchaeus. I wanted to get away from this man named Jesus. He confused me every time I stopped to hear him speak. As much as the words Jesus spoke brought me a sense of hope, I knew there was no hope for me. I had stolen, lied and hurt too many people. This was the life I had chosen for better or worse. I was a lost cause.

Not longer after seeing Jesus in Jericho, my luck ran out. I was arrested once again and this time hurt several people in the process. That’s how I was found guilty and sentenced to death a few days before Passover.

In a strange way I was relieved. I would never have to hear the stories and celebrate God rescuing “his people”out of Egypt and from slavery so many years ago ever again. I almost laughed that here I was sitting in jail, because I had become a slave to a life of stealing, lying and a host of poor choices.

As I sat in this dark, damp prison cell, the quietness of the moment was interrupted by the prisoner sitting across from me. At first I thought it was the ramblings of a drunk person, but then as I listened more closely the words this man was speaking became more clear. This man sitting across from me was repeating the words from Psalms over and over. All the sudden my thoughts went back to my days as a child and hearing my father speaking those same words over me and my brother.

But those words were not the only thing I recognized. It took me a few minutes, but I also recognized that voice crying out those words. It was so dark in that jail cell, but I did not need to see his face to know that this was the man they called Jesus. Just then several guards walked by and mocked Jesus. “So this is the King of the Jews” they laughed and continued walking.

In that moment, I remembered Jesus entering Jerusalem a few days earlier as people lined the streets and shouted “Hosanna, Hosanna!” The people talked about the miracles Jesus had performed. This prophet from Nazareth. In that moment I remembered the words I had heard Jesus speak in the past and how they had touched my cold heart.

Just then, I heard the guards coming my way. It was time. Time to carry my cross to the hill called Golgotha. Time to face the punishment I justly deserved. As I walked out of that jail, I was blinded by the bright morning light. Then two other prisoners were brought out carrying their own crosses. One was terribly bloodied from a horrible beating and wore a strange crown upon his head. He looked vaguely familiar, but his face was so badly beaten I could not be sure.

We began the long and brutal walk to Golgotha, surrounded by soldiers. The crowd that had gathered was shouting “Crucify him! Crucify the King of the Jews!!!

King of the Jews? That horribly disfigured face…the crown of thorns…the familiar voice….it was him. It was Jesus.

Finally, we arrived to Golgotha. It seemed like we had been walking for days, yet it was still early on this Friday morning. The other criminal and I were nailed to our crosses and placed on each side of Jesus. Two guilty men who deserved our fate and one innocent man, who did not deserve any of this. The sign above him read, “King of the Jews.”

The crowds passing by, mocking Jesus. “Save yourself! Come down off that cross. He saved others, but he cannot save himself. If he comes down, we will believe in him! If you are truly the son of God,come down from that cross!”

Even the other criminal who hung beside him joined in. “Aren’t you the Christ? Save yourself and save us.”

The crowd motioned that Jesus’ lips were moving, so I turned to listen. The words, “forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” flowed out of his mouth.

In that moment, I closed my eyes as Jesus spoke. His words once again pierced my heart. Forgiveness. That seemed to always be his message. Forgiveness. When I opened my eyes the sky had grown dark. How could that be? It was the middle of the day.

The crowd continued to mock Jesus. As I looked out over the crowd, I noticed a woman crying and looking up at Jesus. She was visibly distraught. I wondered if this grieving woman was Jesus’ mother.

In that moment, I was overwhelmed with emotion and reflecting on my life and all the pain I had caused my family and so many others, I turned to this innocent man next me and tearfully asked, “Jesus, please remember me when you come into your Kingdom.”

In that moment, this man who was so badly beaten turned to me with love in his eyes, and shared the following words , “I tell you the truth today, you will be with me in paradise.”

Tears streamed down my face. This man who knew all of my crimes and cruel deeds, had just shared words that would give me eternal life. I would experience no more pain or suffering. I did not deserve those words, but Jesus had nothing but love, compassion and forgiveness for me.

As I looked over to Jesus, still overwhelmed by his love for me, I heard him speak these final words, “It is finished,” Jesus cried out and then gave up his spirit.

“Surely this man was God’s son,” a nearby guard quickly cried out. Yes, I knew that statement to be true. And yes it was finished, at least for me. The years of brokenness, pain and despair had been replaced with joy. In that moment, I remembered those beautiful words Jesus had shared with me just a few minutes prior, “I tell you this today, you will be with me in paradise.” Amen.

Jesus and the Cross

Today’s a new day! As we walk through Holy Week, I have been reflecting on Jesus and the Cross.

The cross is where we see Jesus at his most human, but also at his most divine. My heart breaks reading about his anguish, even though I know the triumph to come. This in itself is something Jesus understood – when his friend Lazarus had died (John 11:38-44), Jesus wept even though he knew that in a moment he would raise him to life again.

It’s emotional to read the account of Jesus‘ arrest, beating and crucifixion. My heart breaks for him when he struggles with God’s will and yet accepts it. Even when an angel appears and strengthens him, Jesus is still in anguish and “he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.” (Luke 22:42-44).

And Jesus went through all of this for you and I. While we were yet still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). This is what the cross means. This is what Jesus’ suffering means. His anguish, his pain, his fear, his sorrow – Yet He took our place.

Even though I know what happened next, I still feel the sting of shame that it was my sin that put Jesus on that Cross.

As I have been reading the accounts of Jesus death the last few days, something stood out to me. Something I really had not given much thought to, but on this Holy Week it caught my eye. Or maybe my heart. Jesus, on the road to his own crucifixion, having accepted the will of God, even though his body was broken, was forced to accept the suffering of another on his account.

As we read in scripture, a man named Simon of Cyrene was ordered to help carry the cross as Jesus was struggling (Luke 23:26). No easy task. The crossbar of the cross is estimated to have weighed around 70-90 pounds and the whole cross weighed between 220-300 pounds. Even carrying the crossbar would have been a struggle for this man named Simon on a long journey through jeering crowds along hot dusty roads to the crucifixion site – but the whole cross had to be so much more of a struggle. And Simon must have tripped and strained and stumbled his way behind Jesus. And Jesus, walking in front, knew this man Simon was there. And knew he must have been suffering.

If I was Jesus, I probably would have felt some shame. Shame for the pain Simon was enduring after being randomly picked out of the crowd and forced to suffer because of me.

But this is where again we remember that Jesus was fully human. He felt what I feel when I contemplate the cross. He knows and understands us and our emotions so well – because he felt them.

And this is where I remember not to stay in my shame. You see, shame can be a catalyst to change the heart. Shame is never a place we should live. But because I am aware of my sin, I feel shame. That shame should give me the initiative to breathe life into my faith with deeds – deeds of gratitude and obedience to the one who saved me, the one who gave everything for me.

This shame should lead us to a gratitude deeper than any ocean. Jesus hung on that Cross for me – for all of us – while we were still sinners. While we didn’t know him, while we ignored him, while we held him on the cross with our sins. The expanse of God’s mercy is breathtaking.

Jesus, our Savior. So human. So divine. It’s unfathomable. And yet we can see these little glimpses in the gospels of the state of his heart, which in turn helps us to understand the glory of his divinity.

I encourage everyone to spend some time reading the accounts of Jesus crucifixion this Holy Week. Truly hear his words. Feel his pain. And remember his glory. Because Jesus actions are about the glory, not about the shame. Let your shame lead you to gratitude, as we celebrate Easter this coming Sunday. Let us bow down and worship at Jesus feet, because He deserves our everything. ~OC

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑