Tag: respect

Between the Mourning and Tears

Today’s a new day! Another mass shooting in America. More tears. More pain. One more community devastated by gun violence. One less person at the dinner table. When will America wake up?

As I digest yet another senseless act of gun violence in America, I have to examine my own life and asked what can I do to be a positive light in a dark world?

As a Christian, I am called to remember that God chose to enter a time as violent and faithless as our own and that the light of God cannot, will not, shall not ever be overcome by the darkness of this world. What will I do with the light I have been given in the healing life, witness, death and resurrection of Jesus? Will I stare at the flame and pretend I don’t see the darkness around me? Or will I carry God’s call to put down my sword, love my enemy, and pray for those who bring harm to the world?

But I must confess; in the light of another mass shooting, sometimes it feels like what can I really do to help? The situation feels overwhelming. l long for more help, for God to come in a new and powerful way. That His love will act like a consuming fire that will burn up all the ugliness— all the negativity that mares the beauty that I know is here. Sometimes the most honest and faithful prayer I can lift up to God for America is, “Stir up your power, O Lord, and with great might come among us, because we are sorely hindered by our shortcomings, let your bountiful grace and mercy help and deliver us.”

But, we must all stand up and take action. Some of these actions will be individual and some will involve working with other people. Some of the discernment about what should be done will happen alone, in prayer, and some of it will happen in a crowded room of people who are disagreeing, respectfully, about our next steps on gun violence and other issues that are effecting our little piece of the world. But together we must press for discussion, debate, and action on the issues facing our communities. Mournful silence is an option, but only if we sinfully close ourselves off to God’s clamoring in our hearts to be part of the change.

So in between those cries for God to come, to save us in ways we cannot, we are free to make choices, each day to make a difference. We know what human beauty would look like, what it would sounds like. So why don’t we let it have its moment? ~OC

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Friends

Today’s a new day! I believe we would all agree that good friendships add value to our lives. Great friends can bring out the best in us.

But sadly, we have all experienced moments in life where friends let us down. Those can be tough moments to walk through.

As I have walked through this crazy beautiful health journey, I have felt the sting of friends deciding to walk way. Those moments can lead to some of the deepest pain in life. It can be easy to get bitter about the way those friends treated me.

When walking through those moments of loss, it can feel good to get angry in those times of hurt. But by holding on to those painful moments we can end up dealing with long-term trauma. When we look at Ephesians 4:31, we read about getting rid of bitterness and anger. By allowing those harmful emotions to take hold in our lives like nasty weeds, we could potentially cut ourselves off from valuable friendships.

But when we decide to mix forgiveness with honest and open communications we can help to alleviate the pain we feel and can help walk us down the road to recovering our friendship.

In Matthew 18:22, Peter asked Jesus how often we should forgive our brother. Peter thought he was being generous when he offered to forgive his brother seven times in one day. According to human thinking, that would be quite generous, but Jesus had a different answer: “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” What?

Jesus point was not to count up to 490 offenses and then stop forgiving the one who asks for forgiveness, but to forgive always. Forgiveness should be our state of mind. It should flow from our hearts. Just as God is merciful with us when we repent, we should be merciful to others.

When friends disappoint us, mercy is not always our first reaction, but it is a response that we must learn and practice. It is important to keep perspective and recognize that we are not always perfect friends.

In this journey called life, we have definitely disappointed our friends and how did we want to be treated in those moments? A good principle to remember is given in Proverbs 18:24, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” When we keep in mind our own shortcomings, it is much easier to extend mercy and grace to others.

Before Peter asked about forgiveness, Jesus gave instructions about what to do when our friends let us down. In Matthew 18:15-20, the topic of when our friends disappoint us is addressed.

The first step is to go to our friend privately and address the issue. Hopefully they will respond positively, and further steps will not be needed.

The key to going to our friends is that we must do so in love. In Proverbs 17:17 we read, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother and sister is born for adversity.” Without first being willing to forgive our friend and striving to remember our love for them, we run the risk of making matters worse. Our hurt feelings and disappointments may come out in anger and drive our friends away.

I believe friends are to hold each other accountable. Solomon wrote about this in Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” The point is not to tear each other apart, but to build each other up and hopefully make our relationship even stronger.

Once we have truly forgiven our friends and reached out to them, then the responsibility is on them to respond. Hopefully their response will be positive, and the problem will be resolved. But if not, we will have peace in knowing that we have done everything in our power to make amends.

There is joy that can come in gaining a friend back, but recognize that doesn’t always happen overnight. As time moves forward, our responsibility is to not allow disappointment to generate bitterness, but to replace that disappointment with love, grace and forgiveness. ~OC

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Happy 25th!

Today, Laura and I are celebrating our 25th Wedding Anniversary. When you start out on this journey called marriage, your 25th anniversary seems so far away. But, as many people told us as newlyweds, time flies when you are having fun and it sure does.

We met at a singles event along the walking trail in Palm Beach, FL in January 1999. We enjoyed some great conversation and laughs, but we both did not walk away thinking that’s the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with. No, that would come a little later. But not much later. But we took those first few months to pray and get to know each other better.

So in April of 1999, we got engaged. I told you it was not much later. Then on September 3,1999, we both took vows to love, respect and cherish each other for the rest of our days. Oh, we also committed to love each other through sickness and health. Little did we know what was ahead of us in that area of our marriage. I think Laura drew the short stick on that one.

As many of you know, just a few years into our marriage my health started to decline. What we thought would be a short story of overcoming health issues, has turned into a twenty-two year and counting crazy beautiful journey. One that has drastically changed our marriage and our lives. But I believe Laura would agree, it has made our marriage and our lives stronger.

As we have walked this crazy health journey, we have been surrounded by some amazing family and friends. Some of those friends have been part of our love story from the very beginning. I am so thankful for their support during our journey and for having them share in so many special moments with us over the last 25 years.

The past 25 years have been filled with some tough moments. We have dealt with issues most couples will never deal with or at least not until they’re later years. We have been told countless times, that I would not make it for another 24 hours. We have celebrated countless holidays with me in the hospital. But through all of those tough moments, we dealt with them together. And we laughed. One of the promises I made to Laura on the day we got married, was I would make her laugh every day. Even through the storms of life, I am happy to say I have kept that promise. As Laura and I have traveled this journey we realize that marriage is just two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other. We have made our marriage a priority and kept God at the center.

As we celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary today, we count it all joy for the amazing journey God has allowed us to experience together. We know every day and every anniversary is a gift. A gift we never take for granted. So today, we will spend some time reflecting, celebrating and laughing. Always laughing. Together. ~OC

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Partisan Politics

Today’s a new day! There are several things I dislike about the blending of politics and the Christian community. I could write a series of books on that topic. One of those issues is when some in the Christian community refer to an opposing candidate or political party as “The Enemy.” Really? The enemy? Do you realize you probably have more in common with that “enemy” than you have differences. By using such language we’re potentially missing out on a great friendship because of politics. God’s heart must break when he sees this happening among his children.

I truly believe Christians can vote, engage in respectful political conversations, and be passionate about policies and issues. I think lively and respectful discussions make us better people. But, when we engage in political conversations, we should avoid engaging in partisan politics.

What does the dictionary say about the word Partisan? “A feeling, showing, or deriving from strong and sometimes blind adherence to a particular party, faction, cause, or person.”

One of the problems with partisan loyalty, is often those strong opinions about a particular political affiliation becomes core to a person’s identity. For instance, when we fall into the partisan trap, we do not simply agree with Democrats or Republicans on certain issues, “Democrat” or “Republican” becomes fundamental to how we think of ourselves. Similarly, ideological perspectives, such as “Progressive” or “Conservative,” can also become cornerstones of our identity.

Partisan beliefs sometimes become fixated on a political leader. Our loyalty gets directed to the person who leads the party, embodies the party’s values, or seems capable of saving the party from opponents. That strong and sometimes blind adherence can be concentrated on one particular person.

So, what happens when we give our loyalty to a politician, a party, or an ideological group? What are some of the negative effects of partisanship?

Our values become shaped by culture and not by our faith. For Christians, partisanship often begins with genuine Christian motivation. We find that one party seems to align with biblical values on a particular issue or policy. Perhaps it is a concern for the poor or a concern for the unborn. It could be a biblical stance on sexual ethics or justice for people wrongly accused of crime. This desire to support a party that supports biblical values is admirable.

However, political parties are a mixed bag. No political party aligns completely with kingdom interests, values, and priorities. When we develop a strong and sometimes blind adherence to a political party, that party can begin to shape our values.

Sadly, many are towing the party line rather than holding fast to the truth of scripture. They have abandoned the historic Christian view on war, wealth, poverty, ethnicity, sexuality, or something else…and we don’t even know it. They have allowed a party platform, rather than the Holy Spirit, to shape their views.

Because we agree with a party on issue X, we blindly assume that party must also be right on issue Y. This is a dangerous and harmful assumption.

Sadly the world is currently filled with anger and division. That’s because the partisan spirit is a spirit of division. When we have a strong and sometimes blind adherence to a particular side, we tend to assume everyone on the other side is foolish, evil, or both. We do not see political opponents as people to listen to, understand, empathize with, and love. No, we see them as enemies to silence and defeat. As Christians, we go so far as to doubt someone can truly be a Christian if they vote for the other party.

Partisanship often becomes so severe that fear and hatred of the other side becomes a test of camaraderie. The question we implicitly ask friends and family is not just, “Do you share my convictions?” but rather, “Do you share my outrage?” If someone is not as angry and upset as we are, that person becomes suspect in our eyes. Perhaps they aren’t one of us if they do not share our anger and outrage.

That sort of angry, fearful, and outraged partisanship is not only dividing us from our neighbors, but also from our brothers and sisters in Christ. It ought to be obvious how many Christian principles this violates: “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. (Luke 6:27), “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.” (Colossians 3:8), or Titus 3:2 which states “to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.”

Our neighbors are not our enemies. The devil is our enemy (Ephesians 6:11-12). Our neighbors are not issues to be solved, opponents to defeat, or enemies to be conquered. They are people to be loved and cared for. Even when we strongly disagree with them, even when they are far from God, they are people to be loved.

Pride and double standards can create even further division. Strategically, it makes sense to exaggerate the faults, shortcomings of the other team, while minimizing our own. We see this all the time in partisan politics. There is moral outrage over something said or done in the party across the aisle but complete silence or excuses when the same thing happens on our side of the aisle.

On both ends of the political spectrum, people demand the impeachment and even imprisonment of politicians for unethical behavior. However, when one of our own is caught doing the same thing, we rally around them in solidarity and support. If someone objects, “Isn’t this just like when so-and-so did this?” we question that person’s loyalty. “Whose side are you on anyway?” we ask defensively.

Criticism of our side is not allowed. We are afraid it will give ammunition to the folks across the aisle. So, regardless of what our political tribe does, we think we must remain loyal.

This sort of behavior bleeds over into other areas of our lives and leads to a twisted form of Christianity. It leads us to ignore the logs in our eyes and search for the specks in the eyes of others. Of course, this is the opposite of what Jesus taught us to do (Matthew 7:1-5).

Partisan politics teaches us to think like the Pharisee in Jesus’ parable, “God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector” (Luke 18:11). What if we replaced “tax collector” with a modern political term? Do we pride ourselves that we are not like those across the aisle?

There can be a time to criticize, but as Christians we should begin with ourselves and not our “opponents.” We should be working on our own faults instead of pointing fingers at others.


As I shared in the beginning, none of this is to say a Christian shouldn’t vote, support a particular candidate, be passionate about certain issues, or even prefer one party over another. However, this is a reminder about loyalty because it’s too easy to fall into partisan politics.

We must all be aware that there is a danger when we give our allegiance to a particular group or person. Our values, priorities, and perspectives will be shaped by that allegiance. We can fool ourselves into believing that we “think for ourselves.” However, like it or not, we are social creatures and we are shaped by our group loyalty.

As Christians, our loyalty and allegiance should belong to God. We must remember that our true family or tribe is much bigger than America, political party, ethnic group, or ideological views. The things of this world will always be competing for our loyalty, but we must resist those temptations.

On several occasions, the apostles rebuked partisanship in the first-century church. The answer to partisanship is Paul’s words to the Galatian churches, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28).

So let’s walk into this political season with our eyes fixed on love, serving others and keeping our eyes on the real prize. A Heavenly reward. ~OC

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I Am A…..

Today’s a new day! Over the last few years, when people ask me if I am a Christian I hesitate for just a second. It’s not that I am ashamed of being a follower of Jesus, but so many Christians have given the word “Christian “ a bad name. So I usually answer by sharing my Mission Statement for Life which states, “I am a flawed individual chasing after Jesus.”

“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” John‬ ‭1‬:‭12‬ ‭

When I was ten years old, I asked Jesus to come into my life and was baptized. For years I would refer to myself as a Christian when asked. But in the last few years, the word “Christian” has been hijacked by a certain segment of the Christian community that looks nothing like the Jesus I read about in the Bible. So personally, I need to make the distinction between Christian and a person running after Jesus.

Because when people look at my faith, I do not want them seeing a judgmental, close minded Christian that is sadly so prevalent in the Christian community these days. No, I want anyone that God brings my way, to see someone who loves and respects people right where they’re at in life. I want to build relationships that go far beyond any differences we may have. I pray people walk away from their interaction with me feeling loved and encouraged. Also maybe with a better understanding of Jesus, who gave all on the Cross for all of us. ~OC

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Are You a 3am Friend?

Good evening! It’s 10:15pm here in South Florida, as I sit in my recliner and write this post. I have a question to ask? Do you have a 3am friend?

OC, what in the world is a 3am friend? I’m glad you asked. A 3am friend is a friend you can call at 3am when the storms of life hit. Where most people would probably not even answer the phone, a 3am friend welcomes your call.

The 3am friend is one of the most important people in our lives. It doesn’t matter if these are work friends, faith friends, or family relations.

You can call that 3am friend because you’re confident that they care about you even when they are distracted by their own challenges or recovering from a hard day. You can also trust them to respect and support you even when they see you at your worst.

Do you have 3 a.m. friends? More importantly, are you a 3 a.m. friend for others?

I hope your answer to both questions is, “Yes, of course.” But that isn’t true for all of us, nor is it true all the time. There are all kinds of fancy ideas and theories about “community.” I don’t pretend to have a mastery of what all possible communities could or should look like. But at the end of the day, communities do one critically important thing: they create relationships. Supportive and loving relationships.

The simplest way to build community is by letting others know that we want to be their 3 a.m. friend. Maybe you are ready to be that 3 a.m. friend, and they don’t know it.

On a number of occasions, friends have surprised me by calling me in the middle of night with a crisis. Perhaps they needed someone to support family members waiting tensely in an emergency room. Perhaps they were overwhelmed by the pressures of life. Maybe they needed someone to just listen to them. Maybe they needed prayer.

Over the years, I have come to realize that it is an honor to be trusted in moments like that. When someone shares their vulnerability, they are inviting us to know them in a deeper way.

If you’ve never done it, I suggest that, right now, you call or text the people that you know are your 3 a.m. friends. Thank them for filling this role in your life even if you’ve never needed to make that call. If there are people that you know whose middle-of-the-night calls you would welcome, consider letting them know how you feel.

While we can talk about “building community” in fancy ways elsewhere, this may be the most important community you will ever have. God knows you need them and they need you.

So, if you ever need a 3am friend, please reach out to me. I would be honored to do life with you. Even at 3am. Blessings. ~OC

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A False Doctrine

Today’s a new day! Over the years, I have seen a lot of conversation about the harm of the Prosperity Gospel, which is harmful and not Biblical. But in the last few years, I have seen another dangerous and false gospel emerge. The Patriotic Gospel. A false doctrine that is sadly being preached from many pulpits and in many churches these days.

The following is unfortunately being preached by many in the Christian community these days and another reason why so many people are walking away from the Church.

*This false patriotic gospel reads John 3:16 as “for God so loved America” not “for God so loved the world.”

*This false patriotic gospel views the cross and the American flag as equal sacred images.

*This false patriotic gospel puts our earthly citizenship and our heavenly citizenship on equal ground.

*This false patriotic gospel intertwines songs about how great America is into a church service that should be designed to exalt the King of Kings.

*This false patriotic gospel gives people permission to treat those who vote differently than them with disdain and judgment.

*This false patriotic gospel looks to a political candidate or party instead of God to save America.

I love the United States of America, but I believe it’s time to speak truth and stand up against the false teachings of the Patriotic Gospel and Christian Nationalism. If the Declaration of Independence, the Pledge of Allegiance and the song God Bless America hold the same weight as the Bible in some believers hearts, America is in a whole lot of trouble.

But I will not give up on America or the Church. I will continue to pray for both, while truly knowing where my hope and salvation come from. ~OC

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A Milestone

Good Morning! Today I hit a milestone. Earlier this morning, I wrote my 1,000 post. Well, I guess this is 1,001. I could never have imagined writing a thousand post when I started this blog back on June 28, 2018 with the help of my amazing bride Laura and wonderful sister in love Faith. I could never have imagined that I would write and have a book published based on my blog entries.

Over the past six years, I have always tried to write what I believe God put on my heart. The majority of my blogposts have been written from a hospital room on 4 South at Good Samaritan Medical Center. My post have been about my experiences and my observations of the world as I have run this crazy beautiful health journey. A lot of the post were written long before I even started my blog. That’s why it’s a good idea to journal.

I know over the years, my writings have caused a lot of conversations. Some good. Some not so good. But they have started much needed conversations. That’s what a writer is supposed to do. Stir up conversation.

Over the years, many people have shared my blog gave them the courage to start writing their own story. Some have even published their own books. That means a lot to me.

So I will continue sharing my thoughts. I am not sure how many more post I have in me, but I will keep writing until the day comes to put a period on my journey. Thankfully that’s not today. ~OC

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What Do You See?

Today’s a new day!

What do you see in the world around you? Broken hearts, broken souls, or even lives that seem lost forever?  Some say they will never change or they aren’t worth it.

So here’s my question… If we see these things and don’t reach out with compassion and love to help their situation, are we saying they don’t matter?

Maybe we are saying it’s not my problem, or someone else will handle it. Seeing the world today makes me wonder, are we truly seeing all these things but our hearts are blind to caring for others through compassion, sharing God’s love and reaching out to see what we may do to ease the pain?

Now for those of you thinking, I understand some folks don’t want or can’t expect help.  But what about the ones who want help but don’t reach out because of judgement?  How about sharing with them that God never wants our perfect plans, He wants us the imperfect us. 

He wants my heart open to give someone hope and to show them love and joy through Him.  God’s heart beats for the broken.  If we cling to the Spirit of God, we will begin to see it is not by sight, nor by might, but by the Spirit of God.

Open your heart to those hurting and lost; show them how God loves them today, yesterday and in the days to come. He will stop at nothing to hear our broken cries. 

So I ask you to close your eyes right now, so your heart can see again.

Proverbs 4:23 tells us: Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

I pray your day is filled with amazing moments and God’s blessings. ~OC

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Thoughts on Project 2025

Today’s a new day! I have always felt blessed to have been born and raised in America. Even with all the challenges our nation faces, I am thankful for all the beautiful opportunities. To enjoy the freedoms granted by our constitution’s amendments.

But as I sit and watch all the political ads, rallies and negative rhetoric, I have been struck by the division between our own sense of what it means to be a U.S. citizen and what we’re experiencing in this current election cycle.

By now most of us have heard of Project 2025, a presidential transition project for the next conservative president.

As I have read through Project 2025, I have seen how this project seeks to infuse the federal government with “Christian values,” but the policies it proposes do not reflect the values proclaimed by Jesus Christ.

Side note, before you share any thoughts negative or positive, make sure you have actually read this document.

Project 2025 outlines the efforts of various conservative organizations working together under the leadership of the Heritage Foundation to deconstruct the current administration by assembling a collection of candidates to be considered for hire in the next administration and providing online training for those individuals.

Project 2025 is a 180-day roadmap for the former president to hit the ground running if elected in November. The plan basically outlines four priorities:

*Restore the American family. There definition of the American family.

*Handcuff the bureaucracy. Once again, there definition of bureaucracy.

*Defend the nation by removing the U.S. from international organizations, sealing its borders, and increasing reliance on fossil fuels.

*And Finally, Project 2025 prioritizes the pursuit of happiness, which is startlingly interpreted as follows: “Our Constitution grants each of us the liberty to do not what we want, but what we ought. This pursuit of the good life is found primarily in family – marriage, children, Thanksgiving dinners, and the like.”

Knowing that Project 2025 and its supporters are hoping to “reshape our republic” in this fashion, I cannot sit around and not speak up and help educate. It breaks my heart to think about what our country and our freedoms will look like should this project be implemented. The recent denial from the former president about not knowing anything about Project 2025, does not change my concern over the project and the future of our country. America will never look the same if Project 2025 is implemented.

My concerns are not just about Project 2025, but I am angered by the attempt to co-opt Christianity in support of such radical policies. The kind of Christianity that is being described and embraced in the pages of this project are no where close to the words and actions of Jesus that we read about in the Bible.

I am saddened that so many Christians are less concerned about upholding the dignity of and providing for the needs of those who are most vulnerable in their society – widows, orphans, the imprisoned, the lgbtq+ community, women, those who are dealing with health issues, those who are disabled and those who are poor.

The earliest Christians banded together to share their resources with one another and give to those who were in need. Moreover, Christians throughout history have transcended national allegiances based on their faith, as their faith draws them toward mutual understanding and peaceful relationship with the whole of the human family.

It is true that Christianity has been co-opted throughout the centuries by various political rulers who have used it as a tool to accomplish their purposes (slavery, Jim Crow and dictatorships come to mind). And although some Christian leaders used their religion to achieve political power and prestige, there has always been a strong Christian community that resisted the co-opting of their faith for political purposes, resisted the temptation to join their faith to greed of all kinds, and resisted the joining of their faith with nationalism.

Today, I urge every Christian and all those interested in history not to allow Christianity to be co-opted by a political manifesto that wants to remove our freedom to be ourselves, with all of our differences; that wants to restrict so many freedoms; that wants to allow white supremacy to continue to poison our country’s citizens and communities; that wants to eliminate policies that grant basic dignities to poor people; and that cares only for economic gain to the detriment of our planet and our people.

I am urging everyone to reject Project 2025. I believe our future depends on it and our faith demands it. ~OC

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