Today’s a new day! I’ve grown comfortable in my wilderness moments. The ups and downs of this crazy beautiful health journey is a place I no longer fear. I know how to operate here. I know how to encourage others that are walking through their own suffering . Because when you walk through enormous trials and God continues to show up in huge ways, you become changed by it. When you stand by people in places that conjure up feelings of death and God’s love swarms around you like it has in no other moment, you start to see even the worst pain differently. You start to see the beauty. The beauty that can be present even in suffering. That amazing message that I will never stop proclaiming because I believe in it with every fiber of my being. That God is present with us in the pain and the suffering of this world. And that He can use everything–absolutely everything–for our good and His glory. Even when it isn’t good in those moments of despair. Even when it feels like a million shades of awful. But remember, this wilderness place is never where our story end.

It’s a question that I have gotten a lot over the years, but I wonder if people actually really want the answer. The question is How could God allow me to walk through so much suffering? This is how I choose to answer that important question. Having a relationship with God and following Him for many years, I see more of His character each day I walk through this pain and suffering. I have experienced God’s outrageous love that has come through for me over and over and over again, in this long and winding road of suffering. I truly believe His ways and His timing are best for me. Let me ask you a few questions. Do you truly want an intimate relationship with God even if it means that enduring pain and suffering is part of the process? If it strips you of pride and idols and all the baggage that just continually brings us down? During my long health journey, I have learned that most people see the world through narrow eyes. They only see the temporal things. They see just what is in front of their face at any given time. And often what is staring back at them is so overwhelming–how could they possibly see anything else? But we have to look at the full picture standing in front of us. We have to think about how our stories ultimately ends.

Our God who gives us the choice of whether or not to love Him–because could we truly love Him if He didn’t give us that option? God is too big to accept that kind of response. He wants us. All of us. God wants us to love Him for who He is because He already loves us for all of who we are. And with the option to love Him also comes the option not to love Him. To go our own way and forge our own identity. We all have a will to choose, and we all at different points choose the wrong thing. And the world is broken and full of pain and how do we even begin to reconcile it all? How do we reconcile that God is still good? He promises to be our God. Our deliverer. Our Savior. Our refuge. Our strength. God promises that we are held safely in His everlasting arms. So why doesn’t He move those enormous mountains in our paths? Why does God sometimes make us take the slow and grueling climb to the top? The climb that eventually leads us up to the steepest peak where we can look below and see the landscape that was always there, but was just always over the next rise. The view that allows us to take it all in–the whole journey. To see both where we have come from and where we are going. The reality is, God doesn’t remove every single mountain in our path. He wants us to climb them. He wants us to put one foot in front of the other and feel our muscles trembling with every single step. We feel like we are drowning in our struggles and our sorrows and we cry out to Him for rescue, and the waves just get stronger. We forget that He already parted the seas for us. That our lives are not measured from one circumstance to another, but from His Son making the way for us and the forever that still awaits us. That there is another side to the mountain that we are climbing and the narrow road we walk is so much shorter than we could possibly believe. Every single step up the steep road strengthens our bodies and minds to continue the walk home. It can be hard, and it can be painful, and at times we fall over and feel like we could not possibly take another step. But it’s still the amazing road home. Will we make the choice to choose it anyway? Are you going to choose a road that is full of pain and sorrow and hurt? Because God shares throughout scripture, that suffering is part of the path. That suffering will always be a companion on our journey. That in this life we will be hated and slandered for God’s name and that by signing up to walk His way, we are signing up for some struggles and heartbreak. But would He ask this of us if it wasn’t worth it? Evil is running rampant throughout this world. This world can be full of so much pain and sorrow, and it is far too much to bear on our own. There are people all over the world struggling with more than we could possibly imagine, and why does God allow it? But would we know His goodness if He didn’t? Because there is a difference between allowing something to happen and condoning it. Approving of it. And if you spend anytime in God’s word, you will know that He so wholly and completely disapproves. He doesn’t like it anymore than us when we are faced with a huge mountain to climb in our journey –but He will use it. God will redeem it. He will show up and walk the road with us. Because God is good, and He wants the best for us. He can see more than we can and sometimes that means the hard road. Sometimes the hard road is the only road.

Evil is very real, but if we just focus on that part of life, we are missing the whole point. Because evil and wickedness don’t just offend God, they stand in complete opposition to God. He opposes it in every way–His perfect righteousness cannot stand for it. And He will get the final say over it. Ultimately, God will show just how much He does not approve of it. And the fact that God delays to set this world right is actually a mercy–it gives more time for people to come to Him. To choose Him. To take hold of the freedom that He gave us in the garden that we took and totally screwed up. Because as hard as it gets and as ugly and painful as the world may seem, God would not allow anything into our lives unless He knew that one day it would be worth it. That it is worth it when God leaves us in our tragedies. Because when He wages war on all that is evil, the fruit and beauty of our pain will be more than we could possibly imagine. The tears will turn into complete celebration because we will see–we will see what it was all for. Every sacrifice, every sleepless night, every painful moment and the utter senselessness of tragedy. Those very things will become our joy. We have to remember the full story. We have to remember that where we stand right now in this moment is not where our stories end. That our journey began in a garden full of promise and that the freedom that God gave us to love Him and choose Him, we took and turned it on its head and still He comes after us and promises to set it all right. God constantly gives us way more than we can handle, but He can. There is no situation or struggle that we walk into that catches Him by surprise. Including suffering. Including the worst of the worst. Including the darkest and loneliest nights. God is there. He never leaves us. God has already won. And the moments of our journey that we spend in the deep, shape us and allow us to become more like Him in the process. Because God would not lead us straight into the fire without knowing that it was worth it in the long run. And that is the beauty of it all. That as we step further into the darkness of pain and sorrow and still trust God in it, eventually He turns it all to light. The trials that turn into a testimony and a journey that becomes more than us being stuck in an impossible situation, but becomes about our Sovereign God and His strength and power that overcomes it. The deep that we despise becomes light for others walking their own path. The storms we walk into blaming God for and walk out of praising His name.

Remember, God has already won the war and is coming back to finish the final battle and get the final say over all the injustice and ugliness of this world. I, for one, would not have this deep relationship with God without the pain and suffering. Without walking through struggles. The darkest moments of my health journey have led me directly into His embrace. The storms that God allows even in all their heartache because He sees what we cannot see yet and knows that one day even we will find worth and meaning in those darkest moments. So the question becomes are we going to stand with God or against Him? Seeing the world as it is today and knowing what we know, are we going to choose God anyway? Even when all the pain and suffering doesn’t feel worth it, are we still going to trust that it is? Will we run straight into the deepest sea if it is the only way to get to God? Because over the steep rise of that mountain peak, there is beauty beyond measure. And just because we cannot see it yet does not mean that it is not there. Just like how the stars still shine in all their brilliance in the light of day, but only in the night sky can we take them all in. It is there. All the beauty and wonder and joy of our struggles. It’s at the end of this short and sometimes rocky road in the forever beyond. Believe me, it will be worth it. ~OC

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~Isaiah 41:10

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” ~Psalm 46:1

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” ~Hebrews 13:5

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” ~Romans 8:28

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” ~Psalm 23:4