Today’s a new day! Be careful of people who claim to be your friend, feel the freedom to share your story, but you haven’t seen or heard from them in months or even years. Do not allow them to be part of your boat. They add nothing to your story. ~OC
Thankfulness While Grieving
Today’s a new day! Today is also Thanksgiving Day. I have many things to be thankful for, but I am also grieving the death of a loved one. This has been a hard week.
It can be difficult to be thankful when you’re in a season of grieving. When you experience the loss of a loved one you begin to wonder if you will ever feel happy again. It is hard to be thankful when you are hurting. The Bible is not silent on the issue of suffering. The Bible is full of scriptures and stories about suffering.
Giving thanks to God during times of grief is difficult, but not impossible. In fact, it is one of the best ways of progressing towards hope while you are grieving. How can you be thankful during times of grief? I believe Remembering , Reflecting , and Rejoicing can guide us through a season of loss and grief.
First, take time to remember. Remember all the truths about God you have been taught and believe. Do not doubt in the darkness what you have clearly seen in the light. One of the results of the grieving process is that our minds become absorbed with that one thing. It is so important that you force yourself to remember key foundational truths about God. Remember that He loves you. Remember that He is in control. Remember that He is always working good; even in the bad circumstances. While grieving, you may not want to hear someone quote Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” But, remember that it is true.
Second, take time to reflect. Reflect on your current situation, but do not dwell on it. What’s the difference between reflecting and dwelling? Think of it like a house. When you dwell in a house you live in it. Dwelling on the cause of your grief is like going back to the situation and living there as you relive it over and over. When you reflect, you think deeply and carefully about something. Going back to the house illustration, rather than dwelling in the house, you sit outside the house and look in. Reflecting is different because it gives you time to grieve and realize that your life has changed and there will be a new reality moving forward.
Remember, there is no set timeframe for you to stop grieving. Please hear that. Grief has no timeline. In one sense, you will never stop grieving until you are given your new body and dwelling with God in Heaven. The purpose in grieving well is not to stop grieving, but to begin grieving with hope.
When we are grieving we are overwhelmed by our emotions. Our emotions are powerful and have great control over us, so we are told in the Bible to take control of them. We do this by guarding our heart. Proverbs 4:23, “Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” The heart is the essence of who we are. It is more than just emotions. It is the command center of your life. It directs our emotions.
Through grief and mourning we must remember to guard our hearts.
Third, take time to rejoice. In the middle of your mourning, allow your heart and mind to remember some of the beautiful moments and memories. That can be difficult in the midst of a loss or a difficult season in life. But the fact that God has brought us this new day means that we can rejoice and be glad in it.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to give thanks in all circumstances. This verse does not teach us that every circumstance is good, but that God is good. This is not always easy, but we must continue to lean into this truth.
So today take some time to Remember, Reflect, Rejoice
*Remember all the truths about God you have been taught and believe.
*Reflect and give yourself time to grieve. Guard your heart so that you do not believe lies but trust God.
*Rejoice in the Lord who is powerfully and purposefully at work.
If you are grieving, trust God. Consider the story of Martha from John 11. Martha had just lost her brother and was grieving. When she saw Jesus she said to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:21). Martha then said something very profound. Martha said, “But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You” (John 11:22). Martha serves as an example of a godly person hurting yet trusting. So today, allow God to help you give thanks in all circumstances on this Thanksgiving Day. ~OC
Forgiveness
In Matthew 6:9-15 we read the following words:
Pray then like this:
“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
This is just one of many lessons Jesus taught us about unforgiveness. He shared on numerous occasions about not allowing unforgiveness to reside in our hearts. God shared those who refuse to forgive others will not be forgiven by the Father. Be careful not to misunderstand Jesus’ meaning here. We do not lose our salvation when we refuse to forgive others. Rather, we break fellowship with God because an unrepentant attitude interferes with regular confession and turning away from sin.
Forgiveness is an act of the will more than an act of the heart. We do not often feel like showing mercy or forgiveness to someone who’s wronged us, but but that’s exactly what we’re called to do (Matthew 5:38-40). A resentful spirit grows into a terrible burden. God knows that forgiveness is best, even when it is difficult. Claim the divine mercy He offers, and ask Him to enable you to lay aside your frustrations, anger and resentment. As part of the decision to move forward in grace, make a habit of praying for those who hurt you. And if God so leads, seek their forgiveness for your wrong attitude or actions.
A bitter spirit doesn’t fit who we are in our relationship with God. That’s why there are so many scriptures about forgiveness. We have to choose to be liberated from our burdens and unforgiveness. Did you catch that? We have to make the choice. God promised to make us free when we choose to believe and obey Him (John 8:31-32). Freedom from our burdens sounds pretty good to me. ~OC
True Friendships
Today’s a new day! True friends never make you feel like a burden. A true friend is never burdened with stressful promises and obligations. When true friends step up, it’s because they care and because they want to.
Don’t chase after friendships. True friendships don’t need to be chased. If someone is a true friend and wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You should never have to fight for a spot in their life. Never, ever force yourself on someone who continuously overlooks your worth. ~OC
Three Identities
Today’s a new day! During this crazy beautiful health journey, God has revealed so much to me. One of the major revelations is about identity. I believe our lives are wrapped up in three identities. I wrote this on December 20, 2018.
1). Our Identity in the World: This is about our careers, relationships, our standing in society. This identity is ever changing based on our current circumstances.
2). Our Goliath Identity: This is the voice in our head that tells us we are not good enough. We can never measure up based on our past mistakes, insecurities, or disabilities. This identity can keep us from becoming all God created has created us to be.
3). Our Identity in Jesus: In this identity, we learn that no matter what the world thinks about us, the mistakes we make, or our current situation, we are a child of God’s. In this identity, we find our true worth and purpose in life. This identity brings us peace. This is the identity we should be focused on and strive to live out. ~OC
Friendships
Today’s a new day! An acquaintance has a little something in common with you and merely enjoys your company for a short time. A fair-weather friend flatters you when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. A true friend, on the other hand, has your very best interests at heart and will never decide your journey is too hard or messy. A true friend sticks with you until the end of the story. ~OC
Division
Today’s a new day! Division has always been a part of society, but I would say that in the last 10-15 years we have seen division grow to new heights. It seems to be hitting us on every level; national, regional, and individual. It has the potential to destroy what is precious to us if we yield to it. Division can separate us from those we love the most; it can take down sporting teams, companies and nations if left unchecked. The following is a few things I have tried to apply in my own life over the years to help overcome division. Not always successfully, but still striving for.
1). My enemy is the Enemy, not you. In Ephesians 6:12 we read the following words, “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” The enemy doesn’t really care who you’re divided against, as long as there’s division. Why would the enemy want to stir up division? Because “a house divided against itself cannot stand.” The enemy’s objective is to lie, steal and destroy, and division is an effective way to accomplish all three.
2). Division will always result in disconnection and disconnect opens the door to disunity. I believe connecting with others is why we’re here. Each of us are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering. When we experience division between ourselves and another person or group, a good question to ask is, “What connection does the enemy want to steal from me?”
3). It is possible to stand up for a worthy cause, but do it with an incorrect attitude. When we see ourselves or others fighting for truth, justice, or anything good, but recognize wrong attitudes, it can be extremely confusing. A good question to ask ourselves when we find ourselves in the midst of disunity is: Am I dealing with pride? Is my perspective of those I feel divided against tainted with judgments rooted in criticism, self-righteousness or pride? Am I motivated by love, or by fear? In my experience with division, I have found that one “side” is rarely 100% right and the other 100% wrong. I have found people on different sides of an issue, often have a mix of right and wrong attitudes. I have found it helpful to ask God to reveal my own heart to me. David did this when he prayed, “Who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults.(Psalm 19:12)
4). Rejection and division often work hand in hand. This is where it is wise to remember your history with people. Choose to remember the times that they have been there for you during the storms of life. Ask yourself: “Is this rejection I’m feeling from this person or group a long-standing pattern? Or is this something new?” The enemy would love to steal the harvest of our lives…the years of faithful friendship we have had with one another. Let’s have the courage to press in and fight for the precious relationships that we’ve invested years in cultivating. Be willing to have the tough conversations. Even if we walk away with a “agree to disagree understanding.”
5). We also must walk through tough situations with the mindset of “Forgiveness is always on the table if we are to walk in unity and freedom.
6). When we pray for those we disagree with, our heart and perspective will often change. Praying to be unified in truth and in love can be a very strategic spiritual weapon against the evil one.
7). Venting or gossiping to others who are not part of the problem or the solution can bring anger, misunderstandings and division. Here’s the bottom line, none of us win when division is given the freedom to rule the day.
8). We have to be willing to look past our differences and agree to come to the table and talk about the things we have in common. Those conversations can lead to the harder conversations. Are you willing to sit at the table with those you disagree with?
I hope this blog post helps you in working with those you might disagree with. Let’s decide to live with the following in our hearts “Unity Over Self.” ~OC
Convenient Friendships
Today’s a new day! I really wish someone would’ve told me my circle of friends would dramatically shrink as my health began to decline. All of the sudden hanging out or staying in touch with me has became optional for most of my “friends.” Walking through this health journey is tough enough, without friends jumping ship and forgetting my number. Thankfully, I have a very small number of friends who do not treat me like an inconvenience. Thankful for their encouragement and true friendship. Also thankful God continues to walk out this journey right by my side.
I did not write the above for sympathy, but to bring to light how important friendships are to those with long term health issues. A phone call or visit can make a really tough day a little easier. But when those promised calls or visits do not happen, that can have such a negative impact on a person. So if you have a loved one who is walking through a season of health issues, do not forget about them. I can guarantee you they have not forgotten about you. Blessings. ~OC
Bold Courage
Today’s a new day! Let’s face our fears with bold courage. Let’s fully embrace life, whether young or old. Let’s stand tall, let our light be bright, shining through the darkest moments. Let’s live with strength, never yielding. Let courage conquer and truth reveal. ~OC
Dear…,
Today’s a new day!
Dear……,
I want you to know, first and foremost, how special you are. Those are not words to make you feel better. Whether you realize it or not, your life matters.
I want you to know how you light up the world with your smile when you show it off. So please, show it off more. You use more of your face muscles when you smile, so stretch it out so wide that it hurts and remember when you grow old and see wrinkles around your mouth that you got them from smiling.
I know people are trying to reach out to you to tell you that everything is going to be alright and that they’re there for you. Please – and I cannot stress this enough – do not push them away or shut them out. You may not want to hear it, but those family members, friends, and coworkers are there for you and would do anything to help.
So, give them a chance even when you don’t think they’ll understand your pain. You’ll never know if you do not let them in. You’re feeling alone right now. So alone that you don’t think anyone can see all the pain you’re going through.
I want you to know I see you, okay? I can see the pain written all over your face because I know the look of someone trying so hard to pretend like they’re alright when they’re crumbling on the inside. You’re not alone, you have people in your life, and even people you didn’t see coming, who are more than willing to reach out and be there for you.
I know you feel like you cannot get through this current storm. I know it seems like your world is crumbling all around and you cannot find the strength to get back up. Your days are spent isolated in your house, and you cannot eat, sleep or find the strength to move from the comfort and safety of your bed. You have lost the ambition to go outside and breathe in the fresh air. Can I share a little truth with you? I have been where you’re at. I did a pretty good job hiding it, so most people even those closest to me didn’t even notice it. Some days I was barely holding on.
So, I encourage you to hang in there. You’re important to this world and have so much talent and so many amazing ideas to give. You have a light inside you that lights up the world. So keep holding on.
Please, continue to take one day at a time. Keep leaning into the loving arms and promises of God. It’s so easy to want all the answers right this moment, but this life is not a 30 minute tv show. I would love to give you a quick fix, but that could possibly rob you of some amazing lessons God is trying to teach you in this moment. But I can promise you this. We will get through this together. Keep holding on. ~OC
The Blessed Overcomer 