Tag: Friendships

Let’s Talk

Today’s a new day! This morning I want to discuss a tough issue for many in the Christian community. Mental Health. Unfortunately, many believers have made it difficult for those dealing with mental health issues to share and get the help they need.

Mental health issues can still be a highly stigmatized topic in the church. Although many Believers know the trials of occasional anxiety or having the blues, people with a diagnosed mental illness face unique challenges. Some are confronted by Christians who espouse false doctrine that health issues are a sign of unresolved sin or lack of faith. This is a Big Lie!

I want to encourage anyone dealing with mental health issues or any health issue to get the necessary medical care they need. There is nothing wrong with taking medications, having a therapist and loving Jesus all at the same time. There should be no shame or condemnation.

The same biblical truths that have encouraged Christians for centuries can encourage those who suffer with mental health today. I pray those walking through the trials of mental health will cling to these words of encouragement.

1. You Are Not Alone

God’s people have suffered—mentally, emotionally, and physically—since the fall in the garden. Even Jesus cried out in despair on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46), When we suffer, we are never alone. Never be afraid to reach out for help. Speaking openly about your mental health issues allows those around you to share their own struggles. This allows us all to come together and care for one another.

2). Stop Blaming Yourself. Stop listening to those who may try to put a spiritual guilt trip on you. Mental health issues are not a punishment for sin or lack of faith. As you walk through this journey, I encourage you to keep your eyes on God. He has some amazing plans for your life. Keep leaning into His beautiful promises.

3). Remember, God sees you, loves you and is always with you. Thankfully, we have a wonderful Savior who experiences emotions. As you walk through the effects of mental illness, remember the nearness of Christ. He weeps with you. God knows how He is going to work in and through each of our lives and is with us in the midst of all of our trials. By the amazing grace of God, he sent the Holy Spirit, our comforter and counselor, to be with us , to help us through every moment of life. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us (Romans 8:27). He is there for us when we do not have the words.

4). God’s Word Speaks to us (Romans 15:4).

The word of God isn’t afraid to talk about mental and emotional issues.

Keep the truth of God’s words close. Share them with a close friend, family member, or accountability partner who can remind you when you forget or when you do not have the energy or willpower to remind yourself.

The truth is some will deal with mental health issues for a lifetime. But remember, we can all rejoice in the greatness and sovereignty of our loving Savior. I pray that God will make known his love and strength in all of our struggles. ~OC

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Standing Beside You

Today’s a new day! True friendship and good character is all about how a person nurtures another person when they are vulnerable and can give very little in return.  Thus, it’s not who’s standing beside you during good times, but the ones who stick by you through tough times that are your true friends.

So take note of who remains in your life when times get tough, especially the people who sacrifice the resources they have in their life to help you improve yours when you need it most.  Seriously, when you come out the other side of a difficult period in your life, look around you. The people still standing beside you are your true friends. ~OC

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True Friendships

Today’s a new day! True friends never make you feel like a burden. A true friend is never burdened with stressful promises and obligations.  When true friends step up, it’s because they care and because they want to.

Don’t chase after friendships. True friendships don’t need to be chased.  If someone is a true friend and wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You should never have to fight for a spot in their life. Never, ever force yourself on someone who continuously overlooks your worth. ~OC

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A Gift

Today’s a new day! Imagine, you’re given a gift. When you take a peak inside, it seems more like a curse than a gift. This gift is unfortunately going to cause pain and loss. But this gift is also going to radically change your life and the lives around you. This gift is going to bring family and friends together. You will reconnect with friends and acquaintances that you haven’t heard from in years.

This gift will redefine your faith and your purpose in life. The small things in life will mean more to you. Conversations with friends and strangers will take on a new whole meaning. You will not feel rushed. That next meeting can wait. You will form new friendships that will change your life.

You will be challenged. Oh, the challenges will be real. But you will also be inspired, motivated and humbled. Peace, happiness and love will take on a whole new meaning.

By know, your mind is running in circles trying to figure out this gift. You might be thinking where can I get this incredible gift? Can I order it off of Amazon? Is there a waiting list? Probably not. This gift came to me twenty-two years ago. You cannot really wrap it up in a box and make it look pretty. The gift I am talking about is several life threatening health issues. This gift keeps on taking my life.

And while I am maintaining at this time, I would not wish this gift for you or anyone. I doubt you would ever want this gift. But I personally would never return this gift. It has profoundly changed my life for the better. I would probably need several days to share all the beautiful lessons this gift has given me.

So the next time you face something that’s unwanted, unexpected and uncertain, take a moment to consider it might just be a gift. ~OC

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Life with Friends

Today’s a new day!

“This is my commandment: that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.” – John 15:12-13

The words from this gospel of John make me realize how blessed the bond of friendship are. However, I wonder how often we recognize how the love shared between friends reflects the love that God shares between each individual person. Additionally, I wonder if each of us realizes how difficult friendship can be.

It’s interesting to see that the gospels do not always paint a flattering picture of the friendship between Christ and his apostles. The Gospel of Mark consistently depicts Jesus struggling with the apostles, who fail to comprehend his message. In chapter 6 of Mark, Jesus calls these twelve men together to follow in his example of teaching God’s reign in the surrounding villages and gives them power over unclean spirits (6:6-7). However, Mark also writes that the apostles were unable to understand Jesus’ great power demonstrated in the miracle of feeding of the five thousand because “their hearts were hardened” (6:52). Additionally, the gospels of Matthew and Luke also depict the rocky and challenging moments in Jesus’ friendship with the apostles. Jesus chides Peter for trying to prevent Him from traveling to Jerusalem to enter into his Passion, saying, “get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block for me…” (Matthew 16:23). Finally, Luke shows that Jesus is exasperated with the disciples even after his Resurrection, when he calls Cleopas and the other disciple walking on the road to Emmaus “foolish” and “slow of heart” for failing to understand the meaning of His suffering and death, predicted first by the prophets (Luke 24:25).

How often do we find ourselves angry or frustrated at our friends because we want them to understand us in our words and actions? These brief scripture passages illustrate that sense of frustration. The Son of God enters into a world that struggles to recognize God at all, let alone when God is immanently present in the person of Jesus. Yet God loves this world so much that God freely gives God’s self to us in friendship through Jesus, despite the risk of being misunderstood, mistreated, and maligned. That is the blessing, and the risk, of friendship. We give ourselves in vulnerability to one another without knowing whether or not we will be loved and accepted as who we are.

However, friendship highlights our own vulnerabilities within ourselves and reveals our inherent desire for one another. My friends and I are not always laughing and joking; we meet each other in our brokenness and reach out for each other in our tears. They challenge me to consider new perspectives that de-center me from my own perspectives. Sometimes we get frustrated and do not understand each other. But our friendships exude love for one another because we recognize how incredible it is to simply find someone else. When we discover one another in truth and love through friendship, we choose to give of ourselves to that person.

Which leads me back to the quote from John above. I believe what Christ is trying to tell us is that friendship is the unspoken commitment of two people who recognize each other’s vulnerable, imperfect humanity and choose to love anyway. Jesus commands us to love each other as he loved us because he continued loving the world amidst rejection, sin, and death. He laid down his life to show us that the bond of friendship is at its strongest when we pour ourselves out to another. When we give of ourselves to each other, we glimpse into the eternal love that Christ promises us through his life, ministry, death, and resurrection.

This understanding of friendship creates friends who, like Jesus and the apostles, are unafraid to continue loving and challenging us. These friends will always reach out to us in our happiness and our sadness. These types of friends will always be there to take us down from our cross and lay us to rest, and wait for us to rise to new life, even if they don’t always believe it’s going to happen. And these friends will continue to believe in us, long after we have moved on from this world. ~OC

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Watch More Cartoons

Today’s a new day! We’ve all been there – a newly formed friendship quickly crumbles at the mention of the 2024 election.

So as a white Christian man in America who does not support the former president, when some people in the Christian community find that out about me, I often hear the following “How could I be such a hater?” or “Are you really a Christian?”

This election year has been rough for all of us – and we’ve all failed miserably in some way.
We may disagree about the future of America and think it can’t get any crazier, but our country has been through some tough times.

In 1804 Vice President Aaron Burr fatally shot long-time political opponent Alexander Hamilton in a duel. Of course we got a great musical out of that incident, but I am sure they couldn’t see that back in 1804. Do you now have the music of Hamilton in your head? I do.

Or that the election in 1864 occurred right after 620,000 individuals were killed in the Civil War and an entire half of the country had to put together the pieces of their lives.

I have taken the time and compiled what I think are a few helpful tips on how to survive the 2024 election.

1). Do your best to keep relationships over politics. Your family and friends are worth more than your opinions.

Now if that person is spouting hate filled nonsense, then maybe you just block them during this season or choose to have a heart to heart conversation with them.

2). Be a good listener. Sometimes wisdom is best shown with a closed mouth and open ears.

Everyone loves a good listener, and showing you’re willing to listen builds relationships and you might learn a thing or two.

Even better is being an informed listener. Do your homework so you can be an active listener and give a intelligent, well thought out answer when asked a question.

3). Try to not take attacks personally.
When someone posts a negative video about your candidate, it’s not an attack on you. Don’t be ashamed of your beliefs. And please don’t attack people personally for who they’re voting for. That can be a tough one.

4). Admit when you’re wrong.
There are no better words in the English language – better yet, election season – than, “I’m sorry – please forgive me.” Seriously.

Also, it’s okay if you don’t know the exact bill your candidate supported 20 years ago, and that’s a great chance for further conversation — after the fact.

5). Don’t lose your soul.
Take a step back. Breathe. And ultimately be yourself. Yes, you might get into some heated debates. You might ultimately lose friends. You might even do something you regret this election cycle. But that’s okay. Learn from it and don’t beat yourself up over it.

That’s the beauty of a democratic republic – it’s messy and it requires our participation.

As of today, there aren’t any perfect candidates or political parties, so this one is pretty easy in theory, but can be hard in practice.

Be active, let your voice be heard, and do not be ashamed, but remember there is more to life than politics.

True hope and change are found in the Lion of Judah, not the Democratic donkey or the Republican elephant.

6). Rest up and have fun.
Get away from it all. Turn off the TV. Shut the laptop. Hang up the phone.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Share some smiles and laughter:

And watch more cartoons. That makes everything better. 

I hope these make you laugh a little and think. This upcoming election is very important and we all need to be informed voters. There are some major issues that need to be addressed. But do not allow this election season to steal your happiness. Go watch some cartoons! ~OC

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Friends

Today’s a new day! I believe we would all agree that good friendships add value to our lives. Great friends can bring out the best in us.

But sadly, we have all experienced moments in life where friends let us down. Those can be tough moments to walk through.

As I have walked through this crazy beautiful health journey, I have felt the sting of friends deciding to walk way. Those moments can lead to some of the deepest pain in life. It can be easy to get bitter about the way those friends treated me.

When walking through those moments of loss, it can feel good to get angry in those times of hurt. But by holding on to those painful moments we can end up dealing with long-term trauma. When we look at Ephesians 4:31, we read about getting rid of bitterness and anger. By allowing those harmful emotions to take hold in our lives like nasty weeds, we could potentially cut ourselves off from valuable friendships.

But when we decide to mix forgiveness with honest and open communications we can help to alleviate the pain we feel and can help walk us down the road to recovering our friendship.

In Matthew 18:22, Peter asked Jesus how often we should forgive our brother. Peter thought he was being generous when he offered to forgive his brother seven times in one day. According to human thinking, that would be quite generous, but Jesus had a different answer: “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” What?

Jesus point was not to count up to 490 offenses and then stop forgiving the one who asks for forgiveness, but to forgive always. Forgiveness should be our state of mind. It should flow from our hearts. Just as God is merciful with us when we repent, we should be merciful to others.

When friends disappoint us, mercy is not always our first reaction, but it is a response that we must learn and practice. It is important to keep perspective and recognize that we are not always perfect friends.

In this journey called life, we have definitely disappointed our friends and how did we want to be treated in those moments? A good principle to remember is given in Proverbs 18:24, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” When we keep in mind our own shortcomings, it is much easier to extend mercy and grace to others.

Before Peter asked about forgiveness, Jesus gave instructions about what to do when our friends let us down. In Matthew 18:15-20, the topic of when our friends disappoint us is addressed.

The first step is to go to our friend privately and address the issue. Hopefully they will respond positively, and further steps will not be needed.

The key to going to our friends is that we must do so in love. In Proverbs 17:17 we read, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother and sister is born for adversity.” Without first being willing to forgive our friend and striving to remember our love for them, we run the risk of making matters worse. Our hurt feelings and disappointments may come out in anger and drive our friends away.

I believe friends are to hold each other accountable. Solomon wrote about this in Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” The point is not to tear each other apart, but to build each other up and hopefully make our relationship even stronger.

Once we have truly forgiven our friends and reached out to them, then the responsibility is on them to respond. Hopefully their response will be positive, and the problem will be resolved. But if not, we will have peace in knowing that we have done everything in our power to make amends.

There is joy that can come in gaining a friend back, but recognize that doesn’t always happen overnight. As time moves forward, our responsibility is to not allow disappointment to generate bitterness, but to replace that disappointment with love, grace and forgiveness. ~OC

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Thoughts on Friendship

Today’s a new day! As I continue to run this crazy beautiful health journey, I have seen many of my friendships change. More than ever, I have looked for my friends to stand by me and catch me before I fall and break, like Humpty Dumpty.   

But like a “trust-fall” exercise gone wrong – right when you need their safety net the most – a lot of friends aren’t there. And sometimes the fall is hard.

The pain and disappointment of slowly losing friends can be overwhelming. It’s a blindsiding blow that you never see coming.

Since my health journey started way back in 2002, I have been hurt by the unpredictable disappearance of a number of friendships that I truly thought were solid.

As I have walked through this loss, I initially reacted the way most who are rejected and took it personally, adding insult to my health journey.

The following questions have flooded my mind at different times during my health journey:

Was it my fault somehow?

Was it something I did or said, or didn’t do or say?

How did I not see this coming?   

Those questions never had any real answers and just kept me spinning in an unresolved circular loop. That began to shift when I learned that many people dealing with chronic and longtime health issues deal with the very same issues.

I began to realize that many times the friends who left were the very people I believed I could count on the most.

I began to realize the issue was not me, but was those friends. They either lacked compassion, a willingness to be uncomfortable or they just couldn’t handle watching a friend decline day by day and year by year.

I guess I just assumed some friends would always be there for me. I thought wrong.

Maybe they excused themselves by rationalizing that they were “too busy”?

I have had some friends share they don’t want to bother me. That I need my rest. You can only rest for so many hours in a day.

I have friends not think to invite me to some function because “I did not think you would be up for it.” You never know unless you ask.

Other friends have mentioned they just figured my house is always full of company. Not the case.

Or, maybe for some, it’s because they are still able to hold onto the illusion that they maintain a level of control – something I have clearly lost in many ways. No cold, hard reality has come along to shatter that for them yet.

Who really knows why some friends chose to leave.

I have wondered if it’s realistic to think we can really know or count on the staying power of our friends until we encounter and work through adversity together.   

Things that we believe are shared between us – unique connection, loyalty, understanding, tolerance, mutuality, honesty, trust, humor, etc. – are much easier when they are not put to any serious test.

Since there are no friendship vows, I have had to get clear about my boundaries and the friendship qualities that matter the most.  

During this health journey, I have had Christian friends question my faith and asked what sin am I living with? Our one of my favorites, everyone is going to die; you just know what your dying from. Another favorite is “Well you have lasted this long.”

Once I got past the sting of some friendships fading like a sunset, I started focusing on the friends who have stuck around. They are more important than those friends that have chosen to fade away.

Those friends who have decided to run the race with me are like a healing balm that constantly renews my weary spirit. Thank you.

These wonderful souls in my life, show me that there are still many compassionate people out there who truly understand how to be a true friend.

Friendships lost is an experience that I didn’t ask for and didn’t want, yet it woke me up to not settle for anything less than solid, real and caring friendships. ~OC

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A Cost

Today’s a new day! As I reflect on this crazy beautiful health journey, there has been a cost. Physically my body has been beat up. Mentally I have lost a step or two. Emotionally, I have had to run through a lot of loss. Financially, life took a turn when I had to retire years before I was ready. Spiritually, I have been challenging and taught so many lessons. But through it all, I believe I have gained more than I have lost. The friendships made have been a beautiful blessing. Watching my body deteriorate has made me rely more on the promises of God. This health journey, has allowed me experience life in a different, but life changing way. Even though this journey has not been easy, I would not change a thing. This journey has given me purpose. To hopefully encourage others walking through their own journey. To challenge people to step out of their comfort zones. To truly live out the teachings of God and be his hands and feet. As this journey continues to bring challenges, I will continue to choose to be an Overcomer. I will finish strong! ~OC

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God Is Watching

Today’s a new day! I have been a Christian for almost 50 years. Definitely not a perfect one, but striving to be a positive light in a dark world. During these almost 50 years, I have seen a lot of things come and go in the Church. But the past 8-10 years, I have seen something that is very troubling. I have witnessed many Christians, including leaders in the church allow their politics to become more of an identity marker than their faith. Some have agued they are interpreting their politics through the prism of scripture, with the former subordinate to the latter, but in fact scripture and biblical truths have often been twisted to fit their political agendas.

The problem is not Christians being involved in the political world. The problem is when Christians and leaders of the church allow politics to eclipse the gospel. That is damaging and dangerous to the church and those watching from a distance.

Whether we like it or not, the world is watching how Christians and churches deal with the issues of the day. Including politics. This election season, will Christians and the Church show love, respect, compassion and grace or will they choose a candidate or political party over the gospel? The world and God are watching. ~OC

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