Tag: healing

Political Differences

Today’s a new day! I have shared on numerous occasions, I am mostly an issues over candidate voter. Which means I have voted for Republicans, Democrats and Independents. In the past when I would mention that to others it really was not a big deal with most people. Some might agree while others would not. But usually it was never a huge issue. Over the last few years that has changed. Drastically. Let me explain.

When I talk with my Democrat friends and mention that I voted for a Republican candidate, we discuss why I made that decision. They may disagree with me, but there has never been any judgment. Just an agree to disagree respectful discussion.

Sadly, that has not been my experience with some of my Republican friends when I have mentioned I voted for a Democrat. Well, let me be more specific. When I mention that I do not support and have never supported former President Trump, here are the following statements I have heard from a good number of my Trump supporting friends:

*You must not love America.

*You must be a snowflake.

*You must have been brainwashed.

*You must be listening to fake news.

*Maybe that’s why you’re sick.

*Maybe that’s why you lost your miracle.

*You might not be a Christian.

*I cannot be your friend.

I would love to tell you that I was joking and making all of this up, but sadly I have experienced all of the above comments on numerous occasions. I am not mad at those people (obviously they’re not real friends), that have made those comments. Unfortunately, they have made the choice to put their political beliefs over friendship. I will not question their faith because that’s not my job.

Even with all the negativity I have faced with being out spoken about my political views, it will not stop me from continuing to speak out and share my opinions. Did you catch that? My own personal opinions and beliefs. Which we all should be able to freely express.

Let me finish this by saying, I am thankful for those real friends on both sides of the political aisle that have been respectful in discussing our political differences. ~OC

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Remembering 9/11: A Collection of Stories

Today’s a new day! This morning as I reflect back on Tuesday September 11, 2001, many thoughts come flushing in. I literally could write a book about that day that changed America in so many ways. But instead of writing another book, I thought I would share a collection of stories about that day that America stood still.

On this 23rd anniversary of 9/11, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when the two planes crashed into the twin towers of the World Trade Center, another one into the Pentagon and a plane of heroes crashed in Pennsylvania. I watched the events unfold on a TV at work with my co-workers at a secure building close to Palm Beach International Airport in West Palm Beach, Florida. I immediately called family and friends to make sure everyone was okay. I remember thinking how surreal it was, “Is this truly happening?” while watching the twin towers collapse. In that moment I thought America had lost its infallibility. Since that day 23 years ago, I don’t think that either our worst fears or our highest hopes have been realized. But the memory of that day serves as a constant reminder that we cannot take anything for granted. Life is to be cherished. We honor those we love. We honor those we have lost. We need to embrace every moment. We can Never Forget. ~OC

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The Talk

Today’s a new day! As most of you know, Laura and I do not have any children. But we have been blessed with some amazing god-children and have both worked with young people most of our careers. I wanted to share that before writing the following.

Over the years, I have been blessed with friends of all colors and backgrounds. I know my African-American friends have different talks with their children. Every African-American parent I know at some point, has had to have “the talk,” the proverbial sit-down where they engage their children in a serious discussion about how African-Americans are treated by police. They explain how to converse with police, how to make eye contact, how or when to show respect, how, when necessary, they must sometimes genuflect to unjust authority in order to protect themselves.

Inevitably, it’s not just one talk. Circumstances force African-American parents to have a series of conversations throughout their children’s lives, because racism is a constant presence.

In light of yesterday’s incident with Miami Dolphin’s wide receiver Tyreek Hill being pulled over, handcuffed and placed face down on the ground, I know a lot of African-American parents once again had “the talk” with their children.

In the face of almost daily occurrences of racial violence against African-Americans, sadly there cannot just be one talk about how young people should conduct themselves when interacting with police. As a community we must teach our children, god children, nieces and nephews every day to help them navigate the communities they live in. We should all be talking to students and young people about racism in America. And not just when there is another racially motivated incident. Having healthy conversations about racism is the only way we will ever experience any type of racial healing in America.

Early on, children are taught not to play with electrical outlets and to be careful near a hot stove. Hopefully they are taught to say please and thank you, and to be nice and share. Just as organically as parents teach their children to look both ways when crossing the street, we should be giving them regular, developmentally appropriate lessons about race and racism. As we’ve seen, over and over a bad run-in with a police officer can be as fatal as a car accident. Failing to have these conversations can put young people, especially young African-American men in great danger.

Please do not be under the false illusion that avoiding these conversations will shield your child from the horrors of racism; they will absorb this information somehow. And if we ignore it, that’s the lesson they’ll learn from us.

I know these conversations can be heart-breaking as they are necessary, especially when they touch a child’s life directly.

Over the years, Laura and I have tried our best to become more knowledgeable about the racial issues from America’s past and present. We have taken time to have real and difficult conversations about race with our African-American friends. We have chosen during those conversations to listen more and talk less. Laura and I have taken the time to read and study the history of America. All of its history. We continuously encourage our family and friends of every color and background to study the complete history of America.

My prayer is that we would never see another African-American be pulled over by a police officer just because of the color of their skin. But sadly, that’s the world we live in. So parents, family members and friends, make sure you’re having “The Talk” with your children. Regardless of color. ~OC

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Scream, Scream, Scream

Good Morning! As some of you know, I have been dealing with kidney stones for the last few week. The pain has been some of the worst I have ever dealt with. Probably having surgery this week to remove them. But I figured I might as well have some fun with it. So I wrote the following. As you read it, do so with Justin Timberlake’s song Can’t Stop The Feeling! on your mind. Feel free to laugh and dance.

I got this feeling inside my kidneys
It’s like I’m being stabbed with a rusted out knife, my screams can be heard throughout my home, all through our condo down to the city streets, my body feels the pain and I can’t turn it off,

I can’t stop the screaming
I can’t stop the screaming
I can’t stop the screaming

What I got going on in my stomach doesn’t feel like any type of sunshine in my pocket and when I jump around it’s not because I’ve got any soul in my feet, I feel that hot pain in my kidneys when my stones wake up and say hello, I guarantee you their not The Rolling Stones, but I agree with Jaeger I can’t get no satisfaction, even pain meds can’t take my mind off it, I pray it would just stop

I can’t stop the screaming
I can’t stop the screaming
I can’t stop the screaming

Nothing I can do but scream, scream, scream, as the pain intensifies I just scream, scream, scream
And that pain ain’t leaving until the surgeon takes away those dancing stones

After the stones are removed, It will be something magical, and I will dance, dance, dance and move so phenomenally, I will finally experience some satisfaction. Can’t wait to stop this feeling. ~OC

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Thoughts and Prayers Must Equal Action

Today’s a new day! This past Wednesday we witnessed a deadly school shooting in Georgia and then yesterday we witnessed an unknown person shooting at random people on a highway in Kentucky.

When we witness these tragedies, so many reach out with words of comfort. Usually those words include “thoughts and prayers.” But we have to do better than “thoughts and prayers.”

Over the years as our nation and world has faced so many tragedies -some created by humans and some by nature, we have been challenged to reflect and pray.

I know people are well meaning, but as we have faced tragedy after tragedy, I have become tired of hearing the words “thoughts and prayers” and I do not believe I am alone.

Let me take a moment and share I believe in thoughts and prayers. My life is built on prayers. But thoughts and prayers without action are just hollow words at best.

When we hear elected officials who could create laws to curb violence or provide adequate help to clean up after storms, we must cry out. We must demand real change takes place.

We cannot just fill our social media pages with “thoughts and prayers.” We must step up and speak out.

Our thoughts and prayers help victims of tragedy if those thoughts and prayers lead to action.

Our thoughts and prayers help in a variety of ways. But they help most when they move us to action.

What I believe is needed is a national movement toward solutions that eliminate or at least lower some human made tragedies like gun violence and hate crimes.

As a human being and more importantly as a Christian, I am dedicated to thoughts and prayers, if they lead to real change. Prayer is the first action I take when I see or hear news of another tragedy. And I will keep on praying wherever and whenever necessary.

What I will no longer do is quickly post or say to someone “my thoughts and prayers are with you.”

No, I think Instead, we should start saying the following:

*My heart breaks for you. I am praying for the wisdom to do what I can to prevent further tragedies like this. I will work to put those thoughts and prayers into action.

*I will also pray that the people we elect will turn their “thoughts and prayers” into action. And my action will be to research and support those candidates. I encourage you to do the same.

Let’s begin to be people who think beyond “thoughts and prayers” and turn tragedies into life changing action. Who’s with me? ~OC

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Lived-Out Gospel

Today’s a new day! As I continue to walk out my faith journey, I am often asked what does the gospel look like when it’s actually lived out? I believe God gives us many characteristics of the Spirit-filled life. Here are three that stand out to me.

We cannot truly live out the gospel if there is no love. Love must come first. Jesus Himself said the first commandment is to love God, then others. He even said we are to love as He loved, which was to lay down his life.

Are we to literally lay down our lives for others? Some may be asked to make that sacrifice one day. But most of us share love by giving of our time, our talents or our finances. Sometimes love is just being there. During my many hospital stays, I have some friends who just come and sit with me. That’s love. Other times we love by listening, encouraging and praying for others. Sometimes we give the shirts off our backs, or buy a meal or provide shelter to a hurting world. Lived-out love is a powerful witness.

A second witness is grace. Grace is often an unclear or vague concept for some, so here are a few synonyms to help everyone grasp the powerful meaning of this essential truth: mercy, forgiveness, benevolence, charity, clemency, compassion, favor, forbearance, generosity, goodwill, goodness, kindness, leniency, pardon, reprieve, responsiveness, tenderness.

Grace never holds a grudge, or refuse to forgive. Grace does overlook an offense, speaks kindly when verbally attacked and believe the best about people. Lived-out grace is a powerful witness.

A third evidence of truly walking out our faith is by living an authentic life. How many times have you heard someone say something about “hypocrites in the church”? Authenticity means we speak truth no matter the cost. We actually live out what we say as much as possible; we wear no masks. We consider the impact our words and actions have on those watching or reading what we say. We are even willing to be vulnerable. Wow!

Those are risky actions. We could be misunderstood, disapproved of, even shunned or taken advantage of. But we wouldn’t be hypocrites. We would be true, real … authentic. Lived -out authenticity is a powerful witness.

May we live out the gospel with love, grace and authenticity so that people will actually see Jesus in us. ~OC

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Between the Mourning and Tears

Today’s a new day! Another mass shooting in America. More tears. More pain. One more community devastated by gun violence. One less person at the dinner table. When will America wake up?

As I digest yet another senseless act of gun violence in America, I have to examine my own life and asked what can I do to be a positive light in a dark world?

As a Christian, I am called to remember that God chose to enter a time as violent and faithless as our own and that the light of God cannot, will not, shall not ever be overcome by the darkness of this world. What will I do with the light I have been given in the healing life, witness, death and resurrection of Jesus? Will I stare at the flame and pretend I don’t see the darkness around me? Or will I carry God’s call to put down my sword, love my enemy, and pray for those who bring harm to the world?

But I must confess; in the light of another mass shooting, sometimes it feels like what can I really do to help? The situation feels overwhelming. l long for more help, for God to come in a new and powerful way. That His love will act like a consuming fire that will burn up all the ugliness— all the negativity that mares the beauty that I know is here. Sometimes the most honest and faithful prayer I can lift up to God for America is, “Stir up your power, O Lord, and with great might come among us, because we are sorely hindered by our shortcomings, let your bountiful grace and mercy help and deliver us.”

But, we must all stand up and take action. Some of these actions will be individual and some will involve working with other people. Some of the discernment about what should be done will happen alone, in prayer, and some of it will happen in a crowded room of people who are disagreeing, respectfully, about our next steps on gun violence and other issues that are effecting our little piece of the world. But together we must press for discussion, debate, and action on the issues facing our communities. Mournful silence is an option, but only if we sinfully close ourselves off to God’s clamoring in our hearts to be part of the change.

So in between those cries for God to come, to save us in ways we cannot, we are free to make choices, each day to make a difference. We know what human beauty would look like, what it would sounds like. So why don’t we let it have its moment? ~OC

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Here We Are Again

Here We Are Again. Another school shooting in America. Lives lost and families changed forever. Another day of violence against students and school staff at a place that should be safe. Violence as they laughed, talked about their weekend, their hopes and dreams. Another day of senseless violence and death.

Another day that we have seen played out too often across America. Another day of politicians stepping up and offering their thoughts and prayers. I for one, am tired of hearing these tired and worn out thoughts and prayers. We’ve heard them over and over again, with no action behind them. We will just have to hold our breath until another school shooting happens. And unfortunately, it will happen again. And again.

Just like after every other school shooting, we will hear two different views.

The first will be from parents, students and concerned citizens that as a nation we need to step up and create meaningful and common sense gun legislation. That we should learn from this latest school shooting and never allow it to happen again. Something so many have been working for since we heard those frightening words Breaking News: School shooting at Columbine High School in 1999. That was twenty-five years ago.

The second view, will be people expressing anger that people would call for accountability and change before the blood has even been cleaned off the floors and walls. And the appropriate response in the moment is “thoughts and prayers.” These are typically the same people who fiercely defend gun rights. Who appear more concerned about their 2nd Amendment rights than the lives lost in these senseless school killings.

And why is it, that a great number of those worried about their gun rights are Christians. Before I continue, let me share that I am part of the Christian community. But I cannot sit around in silence and listen to my brothers and sisters in Christ once again yell the loudest about their gun rights and refusal to have meaningful conversations about real change when it comes to gun laws. And let me make this clear, I am not advocating for the end of the second amendment. My question is why aren’t Christians the loudest ones calling for laws that would protect innocent lives? They certainly are not shy or quiet about calling for laws to protect the unborn. Isn’t all life sacred? Is it possible that some people are more concerned about their guns than they are for people? Could it be possible that this love of guns and commitment to making sure they always have as much firepower in their hands as they want, reveals that there is a spiritual problem driving gun violence in America and that we the people are at the heart of that problem?

As Jesus walked the earth, he creatively demonstrated what non-violence can look like in the face of a cruel and violent world. He taught us what it means to stand within the world but not be of the world. Jesus taught us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Maybe we just don’t believe him.

As we experience another school shooting, people will express anger and advocate for sensible gun legislation, and other people will condemn that anger and call for thoughts and prayers instead.  Every time there is a school shooting, we watch this same series of responses play out on social media and across political aisles like some well-rehearsed script we’ve all agreed to follow. This production is getting old. Gun violence has become as American as apple pie and baseball. And personally I am pretty sick and tired of it.

Students, teachers and school staff are dying simply by going to school. Over and over. Some people grieve by way of tears and silence. Some grieve by way of anger, shaking their fists and crying out “why?” I can hear the psalmists in the first response and the prophets in the latter.

Our response to school shootings or any type of violence, like so many issues that polarize us is shaped by our life experiences to the degree one is willing to forego individual liberty for the common good. When “our rights” have greater value than what is good for the community as a whole, I have to wonder how we got here. In scripture, Jesus repeatedly calls us to put our selfishness aside for the good of our neighbor and for the good of our community.

In the wake of another school shooting, my heart would break again if as a nation, we failed to advocate on behalf of victims of gun violence or call for laws that value human life and the common good. Together we are the body and the voices that speak vision for a better and safer world. So therefore, we have a responsibility to relentlessly press towards that vision.

I do not believe anyone can honestly say we do not have a gun problem in America. In my humble view, both action and prayer can be appropriate ways to respond. But prayer alone, without action has literally never worked to bring healing to the problems of the this world.

When we experience a school shooting we should shed our tears. We should pray. But we must speak out against the violence and killing that continues to destroy our country. We must say no to the madness. ~OC

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No Masks

Today’s a new day! As I continue to run this crazy beautiful health journey, I embrace my own brokenness. And through that brokenness, I walk in grace. The trials of life reinforce my need for God. I will continue to run in beautiful transparency without wearing a mask to hide the pain and scars of this crazy beautiful journey. To truly live out this journey being who I was created to be. ~OC

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Friends

Today’s a new day! I believe we would all agree that good friendships add value to our lives. Great friends can bring out the best in us.

But sadly, we have all experienced moments in life where friends let us down. Those can be tough moments to walk through.

As I have walked through this crazy beautiful health journey, I have felt the sting of friends deciding to walk way. Those moments can lead to some of the deepest pain in life. It can be easy to get bitter about the way those friends treated me.

When walking through those moments of loss, it can feel good to get angry in those times of hurt. But by holding on to those painful moments we can end up dealing with long-term trauma. When we look at Ephesians 4:31, we read about getting rid of bitterness and anger. By allowing those harmful emotions to take hold in our lives like nasty weeds, we could potentially cut ourselves off from valuable friendships.

But when we decide to mix forgiveness with honest and open communications we can help to alleviate the pain we feel and can help walk us down the road to recovering our friendship.

In Matthew 18:22, Peter asked Jesus how often we should forgive our brother. Peter thought he was being generous when he offered to forgive his brother seven times in one day. According to human thinking, that would be quite generous, but Jesus had a different answer: “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” What?

Jesus point was not to count up to 490 offenses and then stop forgiving the one who asks for forgiveness, but to forgive always. Forgiveness should be our state of mind. It should flow from our hearts. Just as God is merciful with us when we repent, we should be merciful to others.

When friends disappoint us, mercy is not always our first reaction, but it is a response that we must learn and practice. It is important to keep perspective and recognize that we are not always perfect friends.

In this journey called life, we have definitely disappointed our friends and how did we want to be treated in those moments? A good principle to remember is given in Proverbs 18:24, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” When we keep in mind our own shortcomings, it is much easier to extend mercy and grace to others.

Before Peter asked about forgiveness, Jesus gave instructions about what to do when our friends let us down. In Matthew 18:15-20, the topic of when our friends disappoint us is addressed.

The first step is to go to our friend privately and address the issue. Hopefully they will respond positively, and further steps will not be needed.

The key to going to our friends is that we must do so in love. In Proverbs 17:17 we read, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother and sister is born for adversity.” Without first being willing to forgive our friend and striving to remember our love for them, we run the risk of making matters worse. Our hurt feelings and disappointments may come out in anger and drive our friends away.

I believe friends are to hold each other accountable. Solomon wrote about this in Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” The point is not to tear each other apart, but to build each other up and hopefully make our relationship even stronger.

Once we have truly forgiven our friends and reached out to them, then the responsibility is on them to respond. Hopefully their response will be positive, and the problem will be resolved. But if not, we will have peace in knowing that we have done everything in our power to make amends.

There is joy that can come in gaining a friend back, but recognize that doesn’t always happen overnight. As time moves forward, our responsibility is to not allow disappointment to generate bitterness, but to replace that disappointment with love, grace and forgiveness. ~OC

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