Thankfulness While Grieving
Today’s a new day! Today is also Thanksgiving Day. I have many things to be thankful for, but I am also grieving the death of a loved one. This has been a hard week.
It can be difficult to be thankful when you’re in a season of grieving. When you experience the loss of a loved one you begin to wonder if you will ever feel happy again. It is hard to be thankful when you are hurting. The Bible is not silent on the issue of suffering. The Bible is full of scriptures and stories about suffering.
Giving thanks to God during times of grief is difficult, but not impossible. In fact, it is one of the best ways of progressing towards hope while you are grieving. How can you be thankful during times of grief? I believe Remembering , Reflecting , and Rejoicing can guide us through a season of loss and grief.
First, take time to remember. Remember all the truths about God you have been taught and believe. Do not doubt in the darkness what you have clearly seen in the light. One of the results of the grieving process is that our minds become absorbed with that one thing. It is so important that you force yourself to remember key foundational truths about God. Remember that He loves you. Remember that He is in control. Remember that He is always working good; even in the bad circumstances. While grieving, you may not want to hear someone quote Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” But, remember that it is true.
Second, take time to reflect. Reflect on your current situation, but do not dwell on it. What’s the difference between reflecting and dwelling? Think of it like a house. When you dwell in a house you live in it. Dwelling on the cause of your grief is like going back to the situation and living there as you relive it over and over. When you reflect, you think deeply and carefully about something. Going back to the house illustration, rather than dwelling in the house, you sit outside the house and look in. Reflecting is different because it gives you time to grieve and realize that your life has changed and there will be a new reality moving forward.
Remember, there is no set timeframe for you to stop grieving. Please hear that. Grief has no timeline. In one sense, you will never stop grieving until you are given your new body and dwelling with God in Heaven. The purpose in grieving well is not to stop grieving, but to begin grieving with hope.
When we are grieving we are overwhelmed by our emotions. Our emotions are powerful and have great control over us, so we are told in the Bible to take control of them. We do this by guarding our heart. Proverbs 4:23, “Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” The heart is the essence of who we are. It is more than just emotions. It is the command center of your life. It directs our emotions.
Through grief and mourning we must remember to guard our hearts.
Third, take time to rejoice. In the middle of your mourning, allow your heart and mind to remember some of the beautiful moments and memories. That can be difficult in the midst of a loss or a difficult season in life. But the fact that God has brought us this new day means that we can rejoice and be glad in it.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to give thanks in all circumstances. This verse does not teach us that every circumstance is good, but that God is good. This is not always easy, but we must continue to lean into this truth.
So today take some time to Remember, Reflect, Rejoice
*Remember all the truths about God you have been taught and believe.
*Reflect and give yourself time to grieve. Guard your heart so that you do not believe lies but trust God.
*Rejoice in the Lord who is powerfully and purposefully at work.
If you are grieving, trust God. Consider the story of Martha from John 11. Martha had just lost her brother and was grieving. When she saw Jesus she said to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:21). Martha then said something very profound. Martha said, “But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You” (John 11:22). Martha serves as an example of a godly person hurting yet trusting. So today, allow God to help you give thanks in all circumstances on this Thanksgiving Day. ~OC
True Friendships
Today’s a new day! True friends never make you feel like a burden. A true friend is never burdened with stressful promises and obligations. When true friends step up, it’s because they care and because they want to.
Don’t chase after friendships. True friendships don’t need to be chased. If someone is a true friend and wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You should never have to fight for a spot in their life. Never, ever force yourself on someone who continuously overlooks your worth. ~OC
Three Identities
Today’s a new day! During this crazy beautiful health journey, God has revealed so much to me. One of the major revelations is about identity. I believe our lives are wrapped up in three identities. I wrote this on December 20, 2018.
1). Our Identity in the World: This is about our careers, relationships, our standing in society. This identity is ever changing based on our current circumstances.
2). Our Goliath Identity: This is the voice in our head that tells us we are not good enough. We can never measure up based on our past mistakes, insecurities, or disabilities. This identity can keep us from becoming all God created has created us to be.
3). Our Identity in Jesus: In this identity, we learn that no matter what the world thinks about us, the mistakes we make, or our current situation, we are a child of God’s. In this identity, we find our true worth and purpose in life. This identity brings us peace. This is the identity we should be focused on and strive to live out. ~OC
To Live Together in Peace
Today’s a new day! As I study scripture, I continuously see we are given direction and guidance to live together in peace. But in order to do so, we must value and care for one another, be humble, seek to understand each other, be compassionate, and treat others respectfully. It does not mean that everyone has to be our best friend, but at the end of the day, we should treat others as we want to be treated. Like-mindedness does not mean we need to walk around with the same thoughts and beliefs on all things, but instead it means we ought to share the common purpose of love and care for each other. As a world, it feels as if we have lost sight of this. Too often, people are so caught up in the value of their own opinion, agenda and being right, that the humility and humanity necessary to love one another is lost.
Thankfully, my days are spent encouraging others through conversations, zoom meetings and writing. I try to use social media and personal interactions to find out what binds us together and less about what divides us. I try to have conversations with people who look, act, believe and speak differently than me.
Though we come from different places, life experiences and beliefs systems, our ultimate purpose should be to try and make a better world for all to live. Obviously, we live in a imperfect world filled with imperfect people, but the more we seek to understand, extend compassion, and treat others as friends, the better we work together to bring change that makes life better for all.
I will continue to seek God for guidance and direction as to how to best live together in peace and love with those around me.
Peace will be present
when we all decide to
treat people with respect and love
Love is forgiving
It’s gracious and kind
humble and listens
keeps others in mind
Seek to understand
by listening first
speaking to learn and discover
the best in people, not the worst
Dear God, teach us to walk in love and compassion each new day.
Dear God, thank You that You love us so much that You call us and guide us to live in peace and harmony together with each other. Thank You that You show us what is good, and what is required to know Your peace. Forgive us for the times that we have lacked compassion or failed to listen. Teach us to extend grace in such a way that all feel heard and appreciated. Be glorified O God, as we seek You to lead us in Your love and to live together in peace as one human race. Amen ~OC
Shine God Shine
Today’s a new day!
Dear God, as we walk through this journey called life, let your light shine through us. Destroy all the darkness and negativity around us. Dear God, let the warmth of your light, the brightness of your love, the sweetness of your joy, the beauty of your hope shine through us. Dear God, let your light be our guide through the storms of life. Let your light brighten our path. Dear God, let your light shine through us everyday. Shine God Shine! ~OC
Bold Courage
Today’s a new day! Let’s face our fears with bold courage. Let’s fully embrace life, whether young or old. Let’s stand tall, let our light be bright, shining through the darkest moments. Let’s live with strength, never yielding. Let courage conquer and truth reveal. ~OC
Dear…,
Today’s a new day!
Dear……,
I want you to know, first and foremost, how special you are. Those are not words to make you feel better. Whether you realize it or not, your life matters.
I want you to know how you light up the world with your smile when you show it off. So please, show it off more. You use more of your face muscles when you smile, so stretch it out so wide that it hurts and remember when you grow old and see wrinkles around your mouth that you got them from smiling.
I know people are trying to reach out to you to tell you that everything is going to be alright and that they’re there for you. Please – and I cannot stress this enough – do not push them away or shut them out. You may not want to hear it, but those family members, friends, and coworkers are there for you and would do anything to help.
So, give them a chance even when you don’t think they’ll understand your pain. You’ll never know if you do not let them in. You’re feeling alone right now. So alone that you don’t think anyone can see all the pain you’re going through.
I want you to know I see you, okay? I can see the pain written all over your face because I know the look of someone trying so hard to pretend like they’re alright when they’re crumbling on the inside. You’re not alone, you have people in your life, and even people you didn’t see coming, who are more than willing to reach out and be there for you.
I know you feel like you cannot get through this current storm. I know it seems like your world is crumbling all around and you cannot find the strength to get back up. Your days are spent isolated in your house, and you cannot eat, sleep or find the strength to move from the comfort and safety of your bed. You have lost the ambition to go outside and breathe in the fresh air. Can I share a little truth with you? I have been where you’re at. I did a pretty good job hiding it, so most people even those closest to me didn’t even notice it. Some days I was barely holding on.
So, I encourage you to hang in there. You’re important to this world and have so much talent and so many amazing ideas to give. You have a light inside you that lights up the world. So keep holding on.
Please, continue to take one day at a time. Keep leaning into the loving arms and promises of God. It’s so easy to want all the answers right this moment, but this life is not a 30 minute tv show. I would love to give you a quick fix, but that could possibly rob you of some amazing lessons God is trying to teach you in this moment. But I can promise you this. We will get through this together. Keep holding on. ~OC
Here For You
Today’s a new day!
When the nights are long and sleep is a distant memory and your days are full of dark cloudy memories, I will be here for you
When the world feels like it’s moving a million miles an hour and you want to jump off, I will be here for you
When the world seems to have forgotten you and moved on, I will be here for you
When the doctors give you little hope your friends can’t be found, I will be here for you
When you feel alone in this broken and dark world, I will be here for you
When the rest of the world calls you crazy because you go against the grain, I will be here for you
When you decide to question everything you been taught and your friends and church question your faith, I will be here for you
When your lifestyle doesn’t align with those of your family and friends, I will be here for you
When you decide to speak up and be bold, I will be here for you
When the rest of the world misses out on your beauty and promise, I will be here for you
When you need to laugh or cry, I will be here for you
When the world thinks your ideals are but a pipe dream, I will be here for you
When your journey takes you down a winding and uncertain road, I will be here for you
When you need a second or hundredth chance, I will be here for you
You never have to walk this journey alone, I will walk with you anyway you need me to
I never want to miss a chance to show you, I will always be here for you
It’s gonna be okay, I will be here for you
I’ll be here, I’ll be here
Anyway you need
I’ll be here for you
~OC
Love Through Our Differences
Today’s a new day! Well, it’s finally here. After months of political ads, speeches, debates and political rallies, it’s finally Election Day. In a few hours, or possibly a few weeks we will have a new president. But sadly, this election and the last few elections have divided America. Everyone has their opinions and sometimes are not open to other points of view.
In our current political climate, it seems almost impossible for anyone to cross party aisles. And if our elected officials cannot bring themselves to be open-minded to opposing views, what hope is there for the rest of us? Navigating a relationship with a family member or friend who has different political views than you do isn’t easy. But it can be done. It will take some hard work and open minds, but we can walk away from the 2024 election still loving our family and friends. Here are a few steps we can take to make sure our relationships are intact after today’s vote.
Be Curious: Ask questions. Take the time to find out about why someone thinks the way they do and share your experiences. We do not need to be condescending when sharing our political points of view. Do not make people feel stupid if they have questions. Instead, encourage them to continue asking questions. This is how we get to know each other. Our differences should be something we celebrate. Not demonize.
Listen: It’s easy to tell yourself you are open-minded. But when your family member or friend has an entirely different political viewpoint you may find yourself wanting to defend your beliefs instead of listening to theirs. It’s important to resist that impulse. If you’re taking the time to sit down and discuss a certain topic, both of you need to be really present in the conversation. Distractions should be kept to a minimum as you engage in conversation.
So how do you and your loved ones actively listen to each other? One way to do this is by reiterating the point you just heard them make by saying “This is what I heard you say, am I correct?”. This allows your family member/friend to confirm this or correct themselves if it didn’t come across in the way they hoped it would. In return, your family/friend should offer you the same courtesy. The whole point of a discussion is to see how someone arrived at their opinion; Arguing over why their opinion is wrong is not.
Monitor Your Reaction: When you are having a spirited conversation about political differences that you know both you and your family/friend are passionate about, there are ways to ensure that the discussion will not get heated. Before jumping in, take some time to organize your thoughts. By allowing yourself to take a breath you lessen the risk of saying something angry and disrespectful. If there is a point when voices are being raised or volatility is starting to take over, that’s your cue to take a timeout and return to the discussion when you are both level-headed enough to continue. Even a simple “Hey, this is important and I want to talk about it, but I’m feeling pretty upset right now. Maybe we can talk tomorrow?” can make a huge difference.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T: It’s more than a Aretha Franklin song. There is nothing wrong with questioning your beliefs. Although, to be honest, it can be terrifying when it happens.
We allow ourselves to be open to new ideas when we question what we originally thought we knew. Though, keep in mind, your family/friend should never force their beliefs on you. A supportive family member or friend would never try to influence your opinions. Instead, they would tell you this is how they see an issue and that how you process that information is up to you.
There you go. Not every relationship can survive political differences. Sadly, that’s just part of life. However, if you find yourself in a conversation with a family member or friend with different political beliefs or opinions than you, open and honest communication is going to be more important than ever. Do not be afraid to talk to each other about your opinions and ask questions if you want to know more. The key is to always be respectful of each other’s thoughts and feelings. After all, love has no political affiliations. ~OC
The Blessed Overcomer 