The Talk

Today’s a new day! As most of you know, Laura and I do not have any children. But we have been blessed with some amazing god-children and have both worked with young people most of our careers. I wanted to share that before writing the following.

Over the years, I have been blessed with friends of all colors and backgrounds. I know my African-American friends have different talks with their children. Every African-American parent I know at some point, has had to have “the talk,” the proverbial sit-down where they engage their children in a serious discussion about how African-Americans are treated by police. They explain how to converse with police, how to make eye contact, how or when to show respect, how, when necessary, they must sometimes genuflect to unjust authority in order to protect themselves.

Inevitably, it’s not just one talk. Circumstances force African-American parents to have a series of conversations throughout their children’s lives, because racism is a constant presence.

In light of yesterday’s incident with Miami Dolphin’s wide receiver Tyreek Hill being pulled over, handcuffed and placed face down on the ground, I know a lot of African-American parents once again had “the talk” with their children.

In the face of almost daily occurrences of racial violence against African-Americans, sadly there cannot just be one talk about how young people should conduct themselves when interacting with police. As a community we must teach our children, god children, nieces and nephews every day to help them navigate the communities they live in. We should all be talking to students and young people about racism in America. And not just when there is another racially motivated incident. Having healthy conversations about racism is the only way we will ever experience any type of racial healing in America.

Early on, children are taught not to play with electrical outlets and to be careful near a hot stove. Hopefully they are taught to say please and thank you, and to be nice and share. Just as organically as parents teach their children to look both ways when crossing the street, we should be giving them regular, developmentally appropriate lessons about race and racism. As we’ve seen, over and over a bad run-in with a police officer can be as fatal as a car accident. Failing to have these conversations can put young people, especially young African-American men in great danger.

Please do not be under the false illusion that avoiding these conversations will shield your child from the horrors of racism; they will absorb this information somehow. And if we ignore it, that’s the lesson they’ll learn from us.

I know these conversations can be heart-breaking as they are necessary, especially when they touch a child’s life directly.

Over the years, Laura and I have tried our best to become more knowledgeable about the racial issues from America’s past and present. We have taken time to have real and difficult conversations about race with our African-American friends. We have chosen during those conversations to listen more and talk less. Laura and I have taken the time to read and study the history of America. All of its history. We continuously encourage our family and friends of every color and background to study the complete history of America.

My prayer is that we would never see another African-American be pulled over by a police officer just because of the color of their skin. But sadly, that’s the world we live in. So parents, family members and friends, make sure you’re having “The Talk” with your children. Regardless of color. ~OC

Choose Love Over Hate

Today’s a new day! We were taught that the direct opposite of love is hate. So does it means if we do not love someone, we actually hate that person?

Ever heard this statement; the amount of love you feel for someone is the same amount of hate you would feel for that same person? So if we love someone so much, we could hate that same person just as much.

So what is it about hatred that makes us choose it above Love?

You could be saying right now that you don’t hate anyone. Actually, just like love, hatred is in actions, in expressions. You might not go round smashing things, cussing people out, you might not even show the fictitious expression of hate we so often see in the movies, our society and so on; it still doesn’t mean you are not free from hate.

Hatred is a deep and extreme emotional dislike towards someone or a group of people. It is often associated with feelings of anger, disgust and a disposition towards hostility and often times the result of unforgiveness.

What does God have to say on the topic of Love and Hate?

You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him. (Leviticus 19:17)

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Leviticus 19:18)

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44)

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:39)

Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you (Luke 6:27)

We hardly realize the devastating effect of hatred and how much it steals from us. Maybe because it often starts as a harmless seed sown in the heart of a person. But by the time it grows, you will be amazed how much destruction such a little seed can cause.

Let’s talk about wars, broken homes and families, terrorism, genocides, political divide, all these terrible events which have cost lives and properties and defined history, with their effects even reaching generations that were not born at the time of those events. Usually it starts as something really small, little trouble here and there. It seems not to matter at that time. However, a tiny seed can create a forest.

Think of the unhappiness and fear all around the world today, results of hatred. You may think hating one person really makes no difference, but it does.

What causes Hatred?

Fear: Often times we are afraid of things that seem different from us or things turning out differently than what we expected. Maybe a political election. Instead of being brave and facing those things, we turn to hate, feeling it is the best solution to this problem.

Jealousy/Envy: How do you react when you look around and see family or friends doing better than you and they appear to put in less effort? Your answer to this determines if you are allowing love to rule or hate.

Past Experiences/Background: Our experiences have a way of structuring our thought pattern. For example, some who have had bad experiences with a particular group of people, allow that single event to stir up hate for anyone or anything associated to that group of people.

Remember however that perfect love casts out all fear; we should not be anxious for anything but present our requests with prayers, supplications and thanksgiving and God’s peace that passes all human understanding and will guard our heart; in Christ, we are new creatures, the past is gone and we can have a fresh start.

Let’s face it, people will always hurt us, break our heart but love helps us live in peace with ourselves and others. For the world to experience peace, it needs Love.

Remember, you are never alone. ~OC

Twenty-Five Years. Twenty-Five Lessons.

Earlier this week, Laura and I celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary. I can’t believe it’s been 25 years. This year to celebrate 25 years together, I want to share 25 things we have learned in this crazy beautiful journey. Obviously, we have learned more than 25 things, but these are the things that came to mind as I was writing this blog.

1). Pray continually.

2).Our faith in God, is what holds us together.  It’s the foundation for our relationship.

3).Protect your marriage by always putting it first…before self, before kids, before career, before parents, before friends. First. Period.

4).It’s ok to talk about how you feel. Just make sure those conversations are filled with respect.

5).Time alone together is important. Date Nights and getting away together once or twice a year is healthy for your relationship.

6).Learn the other person’s love language.

7).Laughter is good for a relationship.

8).Develop a shared interest. It can be simple. Laura and I like to travel and just sit around our house and chill.

9).You will face challenges in life. Work through those tough moments together. Always together.

10).Don’t allow family, friends or cultural to dictate your marriage.

11).In-laws can be challenging at times, but also a beautiful blessing.

12). Marriage not 50/50. It’s 100/100. However, you will not always both be able to give 100% and that’s ok. There will be times you and the Lord will carry things for the both of you. That is Love.

13). Don’t keep score.

14). Make the choice daily to love your spouse.

15). Serve your spouse even when you’re tired and maybe you don’t feel like it.

16). Communicate! Don’t keep things bottled up.

17). It’s ok to agree to disagree.

18). Having a separate interest is okay as long as it doesn’t interfere with your relationship.

19).Listen and let them know they are truly heard.

20). Tell your spouse you’re proud of them.

21). Support their dreams.

22). Critique with love.

23). When life gets tough, remember what you love about them

24). It’s a treasure to have someone to walk through the highs and lows of life with you.

25). Love always.

I am forever grateful that God has blessed me with a bride who loves God first. Also I have always known Laura loves me even on my worst day.

As I reflect on our 25 years together, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 comes to mind:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

To those couples that might be reading this post, I pray you will cling to the Lord and each other.  It’s what has carried Laura and I this far and I know it will you as well. ~OC

Happy 25th!

Today, Laura and I are celebrating our 25th Wedding Anniversary. When you start out on this journey called marriage, your 25th anniversary seems so far away. But, as many people told us as newlyweds, time flies when you are having fun and it sure does.

We met at a singles event along the walking trail in Palm Beach, FL in January 1999. We enjoyed some great conversation and laughs, but we both did not walk away thinking that’s the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with. No, that would come a little later. But not much later. But we took those first few months to pray and get to know each other better.

So in April of 1999, we got engaged. I told you it was not much later. Then on September 3,1999, we both took vows to love, respect and cherish each other for the rest of our days. Oh, we also committed to love each other through sickness and health. Little did we know what was ahead of us in that area of our marriage. I think Laura drew the short stick on that one.

As many of you know, just a few years into our marriage my health started to decline. What we thought would be a short story of overcoming health issues, has turned into a twenty-two year and counting crazy beautiful journey. One that has drastically changed our marriage and our lives. But I believe Laura would agree, it has made our marriage and our lives stronger.

As we have walked this crazy health journey, we have been surrounded by some amazing family and friends. Some of those friends have been part of our love story from the very beginning. I am so thankful for their support during our journey and for having them share in so many special moments with us over the last 25 years.

The past 25 years have been filled with some tough moments. We have dealt with issues most couples will never deal with or at least not until they’re later years. We have been told countless times, that I would not make it for another 24 hours. We have celebrated countless holidays with me in the hospital. But through all of those tough moments, we dealt with them together. And we laughed. One of the promises I made to Laura on the day we got married, was I would make her laugh every day. Even through the storms of life, I am happy to say I have kept that promise. As Laura and I have traveled this journey we realize that marriage is just two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other. We have made our marriage a priority and kept God at the center.

As we celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary today, we count it all joy for the amazing journey God has allowed us to experience together. We know every day and every anniversary is a gift. A gift we never take for granted. So today, we will spend some time reflecting, celebrating and laughing. Always laughing. Together. ~OC

A Tradition

Today’s a new day! Like every other properly raised Southern person, today starts my favorite time of the year. College Football. It’s when you pull out your favorite team’s clothing and the next few months everything is scheduled around cheering on your favorite team. You plan your Saturday menus around college football. Games are taped so you can watch it again and again. It’s a new season and your team could win the National Championship. Hope runs through your heart and mind. College football season has started and all is well with the world. At least until kickoff. College football in the South is tradition. It’s a way of life. You don’t want to miss a moment.

For as far back as I can remember, SEC football has been a part of my life. Every Saturday since I was a kid everything revolved around SEC football and comfort foods. SEC football means one thing to me. Florida Gator Football. Over the years I have attended games at The Swamp in Gainesville, Florida. Nothing like the sounds and smells of Gator football surrounded by 90,000+ of your friends at Ben Hill-Griffin Stadium.

Now that I am grown and married, very little has changed on any given Saturday afternoon or evening in the Fall. Florida Gator Football still rules the day on a Saturday this time of year. Blue and Orange are still the colors of the day in our house. If you dare to enter, you will experience the Gator Chomp on more than one occasion.

Not sure how the rest of the country spends its Saturday, but in the South most people are planning their day around college football and cheering on their favorite team. It’s a way of life. It’s tradition. Enjoy! ~OC

Be Kind

Today’s a new day! BE KIND, OR BE QUIET.

This is a Kindergarten rule, you guys. It’s the most basic of the basics. Either choose your words with kindness, or keep your mouth shut and just listen.
Fear and anger and hate are already running high, friends. There is no room for more.

And honestly, there should be no room for any of it. Not within the body of Christ. As Christians, our hope does not lie in the law of the land. Our hope lies in Jesus, his crucifixion and his resurrection. This is a hope that is firm and secure, an anchor for our souls. Is not this the hope that we should be sharing with everyone we come in contact with? Regardless of religious, social, economic or political differences.

Instead of arguing with one another, I suggest we focus our efforts on something that actually furthers the Gospel of Christ.

*We love our neighbor by baking cookies, inviting them over for a meal, or stopping to talk with them in the yard, and get to know them better.

*We serve our communities by offering our time and our gifts.

*We listen, we watch, we pray, and then we reach out in kindness and love.

*We immerse ourselves in the Word of God so that we can grow in knowledge and discernment.

*We treat all people with love and respect.

*We remember that life is not all about us.

*And for goodness sakes be kind. Or just keep our sweet mouths shut.

And all God’s people said…Amen. ~OC

Woke

Today’s a new day! Several years after the horrific mass shooting at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, SC, Laura and I visited the church. It was a sobering and powerful experience.

I also remember that being the first time someone referred to me as being “Woke.” It was said in a very loving and respectful way. Unfortunately, that is not always the case when the word “Woke” is used in today’s politically charged world. As a white Christian in America, I am saddened that so many politicians, pastors and Christians misinterpret the word “Woke” to suit their own biased ideology.

Some politicians and pastors have the nerve, for example, to quote Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. when he spoke at the March on Washington in 1963 and shared the following words, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” Dr. King was projecting a vision of a world without racism, where people would see each other as friends, neighbors, and fellow human beings. But some politicians, pastors and Christians have twisted Dr. King’s words to insist that we should ignore racism right now, stop teaching about it, and pretend it does not exist. They use his words to justify laws on teaching about or discussing the racism in the here and now. They use his appeal for an unrealized future to blind us to a cruel present.

Today, I propose that we make a concerted effort to reclaim the original meaning of the word Woke. So many politicians, pastors and Christians have turned the word into a shameful four-letter word. Have they even taken the time to look up the true definition of WOKE? I have. The original meaning of the word Woke is “Being aware of injustice and inequality, specifically when referring to racism.” What is wrong with that?

I strive to be aware of injustice and inequality and racial discrimination and to do whatever I can to help educate and make things better. I believe as humans we should all do that.

So yes, I will wear the tag of “Woke” with honor. I pray that Dr. King’s “Dream” someday will become a reality in America and around the world. But we have a lot of work to do. Let’s Go! ~OC

Love Our Neighbors…No Exceptions

Today’s a new day! In the age of social media and partisan cable news, one of the most common questions I get as a Christian is how do I stay in relationship with the family member or friend who believes differently than I do? It can be difficult when we are all firing off text and social media post without giving it any thought or even taking a breath. Things can get nasty and personal real quick.

I recommend that each of us get in the habit of never posting a quick reply to another person’s post or text we disagree with. This can be difficult. We so desperately want to share our opinions. If something someone has posted or shared really bothers you, take a day to think about it and then message them. Maybe you need to type something out to get your feelings on screen.  If you’re like me, once you get your feelings out, you realize there is no real need to push send.

Sometimes you may need to adjust the settings on your email or social media to “mute” a certain person’s messages. They don’t have to know you aren’t reading the stuff they are sharing and forwarding to you.  You can spare yourself and them the awkward discussion of why you “unfriended” them.

Other times you may have to take the hard step of “un-friending” someone or maybe just letting that person know you need to communicate with them in other ways besides social media, text or email, because you can’t keep your emotions in check. I’ve had to make this move with some close friends, because what they share or post provokes a reaction in me I don’t like.  I’m pretty sure the stuff I share and post has caused that same kind of reaction in them. I’m definitely sure that what either of has posted has never changed their mind or mine.

Finally, there are those people who share such negative and personal things that it may amount to emotional abuse. In such cases, setting firm boundaries is necessary for your own well-being and health. Loving your neighbor can only happen from a safe distance with some people.

Remember the biggest companies with the smartest minds are working non-stop to keep us glued to our phone, tablet and computer. They make money and lots of it, the longer we keep using their app or watching their channel. The easiest way to keep us making money for them is to keep us outraged. There are genuine things to be outraged about in the world, but few of them are ever changed by a shared social media post, a forwarded email or text.

Sadly, our culture does not reward maintaining relationships with people different from ourselves. It rewards outrage and remaining in your own bubble. Yet, if we are really going to “Love our neighbor. No exceptions.” it has to cut both ways.

Nobody ever said this Christian life would be easy. ~OC

Love is Choosing…

Today’s a new day! In John 13:35, we read the following words: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Yesterday, someone I know attacked me in a private message for sharing a post about how we should love and respect women in power. It was a post to encourage everyone to show love and respect to women. This friend decided my post was somehow a political statement and decided to lash out and end our friendship.

I chose not to respond to this friend’s message. Instead, I chose to pray for this person and anyone else who might have such hate in their hearts. I decided to show love and forgiveness.

Love should never be a debate. But sometimes we, even as Christians, can get so caught up in being right, that we forget what really matters. This is sadly evident on social media. It saddens me when I think of the ways so many people treat each other on these platforms. So many sides, so many opinions, yelling back and forth at each other, each claiming they are right. It breaks my heart seeing all the angry post and unkind comments.

Is all this hate worth it?

The only thing that matters in the end is not whether the other person was wrong or right, but that we showed them love, that we showed them who God is. Because the truth is, as Christians we have a freedom and a hope that is life changing. In the light of eternity, we do not have to prove ourselves right on every issue; instead, we can live our lives marked by love. We can never argue people into believing the Gospel, but God’s love can draw them to the Gospel.

Think about this: Jesus died for that gay or transgender person, Jesus died for that corrupt politician, Jesus died for the person who wrote that post that made you so angry or sad. Jesus died for them, because He loves them.

Now, don’t get me wrong, loving someone doesn’t mean you agree with everything they say, or that you just accept everything as right. Sometimes, loving someone means having tough, but constructive conversations. This can be difficult. But it’s all about how we express ourselves in our words and actions.

Instead of shaming someone for what they think, we can respectfully disagree. Instead of letting our anger or fear get the better of us on social media, stick to what you believe while letting others know that they are loved. Showing love in the middle of a disagreement can be a beautiful gift.

Let love be the attitude you show towards others. I may not agree with you, but I love you despite that, because God loves me despite all of my flaws.

If we make the choice to live a life of love, people will notice, and they will wonder why we are so different. Especially now, during these times of so much hate and division. We need to step up and let our light shine more than ever.

What is love? In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 love is described this way:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all thing.”

What a beautiful picture of love. Patient, kind, not self-seeking. Ask yourself this: What do you want to be known for in this life? How do you want to live your life?

As we run this journey called life, will we mess up? Say the wrong thing. Post the wrong thing. Absolutely! But God never expects perfection from us. No, He only asks us to take one small step, one act of love, and trust that He will continue to grow us.

How do we grow in love?

First, and most important, we pray. If we ask God to grow us in any area of our lives, He is faithful to answer. Not always in a way we might choose, but in a way that’s best for us.

We can share love and hope in every area of our lives. Even on social media. We can choose to post encouraging messages on our pages. We can choose to scroll past the debates that stir up anger in us. We can choose not to get involved in the madness.

As we read 1 Corinthian 13:1-3, we see how love should be behind all of our actions:

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

As we continue to grow and walk out this journey called life, we can choose to do the following:

Love is choosing to respect and serve others…

Love is choosing not to judge others…

Love is choosing to be a bright light in a dark world…

Love is choosing to stand up against hate and racism…

Love is choosing to embrace diversity…

Love is choosing to admit when we’re wrong…

Love is God’s heart for each of us…

I believe that love has the power to change both our hearts, and this broken world. I will always choose love. ~OC

Old Friends

Today’s a new day! I woke up this morning, walked out on our balcony that overlooks my old high school (Twin Lakes High School / Palm Beach High School). It made me think a minute about some old friends.

Back in the day, I missed my friends on Summer Break. I loved a break from school. Loved getting to visit out of town family and playing sports all day. But a few weeks into the break, I would start missing my friends from school that did not live close by. Kinda felt like I wasn’t my whole self without them. No cell phones or social media back in the day. So between school and after school activities we would basically go from spending all day every day together to zero contact over the summer. Ouch. What was I gonna do call my friends on the phone that was attached to the wall several times a day and check in? Yes! That’s what a lot of us did back in the day. We made the effort to stay in touch. I fondly remember talking to some friends for hours on the phone.

As I reflect back on my high school years, I couldn’t wait for school to start back to see all of my friends. Yes, I was that person. Life was always better with friends around. I am thankful that God created me to be a person who really wants to connect with others. I can do the surface conversations, but I truly love having meaningful conversations. Always have. Of course being a teenage guy, that was not the norm. That’s probably why I have always had more female friends than guy friends. As I recall, there was not a lot of meaningful conversations with a lot of my guy friends back then. No real sentiments would be shared. I do not think we hugged back then. We would just be together, probably swap stories and just catch up. I am thankful for the few guys that were willing to open up and be real.

I look at my friends as family. I am blessed to still have friends from elementary school. I hope I have never taken my friendships for granted. But sadly, I probably have. For that I apologize. True friends are a beautiful gift. Especially when you’re young. Part of who we are today is because of the friends we had back in our younger days. Of course that could be a little scary. Haha!

As I continue walking through this crazy beautiful health journey, friendships mean a lot more to me these days. Every day is becoming more of a struggle for me at this time, but my days are brightened when I hear from a friend or a friend drops by. Especially when a childhood friend connects with me.

We were all created for relationships. Especially friendships. I believe in the old saying, you cannot pick your family, but thankfully you can choose your friends. My life has been blessed with amazing friendships. I am thankful for those friends who have chosen to walk with me through life. Especially those friends who have stayed by my side during this crazy beautiful health journey. You will never realize the difference you have made in my life. Thank you!

So today, take time to remember the beautiful friendships you have experienced over the years. Never take one for granted. Take time today, to reach out to a friend. You may just brighten their day. ~OC

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