Simply Breathe

Today’s a new day! Once again, I am sharing a post that has taken me weeks to write. Maybe years if I am being truly honest. I hope it makes you think as you walk through this journey called life.

What if we truly lived like suffering and death wasn’t something to be feared? What if we could talk about suffering and dying as naturally as birth and living? What if there was a liberty in accepting the limitations of our human existence on this earth and freedom in embracing what it means to live and to die well?

These are the thoughts and ideas that I have been exploring since my crazy beautiful health journey started so many years ago. I have become fascinated with the language and narrative around a chronic or terminal diagnosis. The longer I travel this journey, the more I realize there is more to this race than simply surviving.

Sadly, there is a false narrative that suffering and death is somehow a sign of not having enough faith or somehow someone has failed in some way. This is simply not true. We seem to have lost the sense of the precious and fragile nature of life.

My own health journey has brought many hospital stays, major surgeries and years of treatments. But as time marches by, I am finding that I am less inclined to easily consent to the next treatment option that’s offered. Not because I don’t want to live, but because I want to weigh carefully the cost and the benefits. Living longer is not enough for me anymore. I strive to live well.

I have learned the hard way how long it can take to recover from a major surgery or treatment and how exhausting and stressful it can be for my family and friends. Also how long it is before I recover a sense of myself. A surgery or treatment that is nothing more than a bandaid is not a choice I want to put myself or my loved ones through anymore.

So, my goal is to continue grabbing on to hope, happiness and wellbeing, even as my body continues to decline. Doing everything I can to feel well, live life with purpose and continue to live life as myself and not some number on a medical chart. To take control of the decisions around my medical care, to equally weigh both the quality and quantity of life. To continue challenging the false beliefs around suffering and dying as I continue to run this beautiful race.

Some people reading this will say that I am being negative, but I have found complete liberty and joy in resisting the narratives on suffering. For too long our society has hidden away the realities of suffering and refused to discuss it. Our fragility and humanity seems to be denied as we continue to seek medically enabled immortality.  My heart breaks to see so many people spending their days chasing after miracle cures rather than enjoying the miracle of the life they still have.

I do not fear the end life, but I do fear losing my identity to the different health issues that are trying to control every aspect of my life. I will not give in or give up. I am choosing instead to laugh, read a good book, listen to some great music and make amazing memories with my loved ones. To simply breathe and embrace life.

I have found peace in this acceptance that allows me to have open and honest conversations about life and how that currently looks for me. I am grateful that as I live my best days in the best way possible, I am able to have real conversations about this journey I am traveling. Wherever this health journey leads me, will be an opportunity for me to share my faith, to laugh with loved ones and to hopefully encourage someone along the way. One thing this journey will not be about is failure or defeat. No, this journey will be filled with embracing life and everything that comes with it. A choice to live life with purpose and meaning. I pray you will join me on this adventure and strive to live the amazing life set before you. ~OC