Friendships…

The last few days, I have been going through old journals and finding some old writings. Here is one I wrote back in 2019.

Today’s a new day! So many people kick the terms “best friend,” “best friend forever,” “BFF,” or “bestie” around like a soccer ball , hoping the person they kick it to will kick it back at them.  I have no doubt that for some people, the friends they make in their youth stick with them for a lifetime.  But as we grow older, we realize that true friends are rare.

Some friends are here for only a season of our life – school days, college, young married, a missions trip– and then when the ties that bind them loosen, they slowly (or quickly) exit our lives. I do not think this lessens the value of the relationship.  We need various people to learn from and lean on during the different seasons of our lives.

What can weaken a friendship? Two friends may mature at a different pace, or sometimes interests change.  Distance can have a huge impact, if someone moves, or perhaps there’s a complete change in lifestyle. Are there friendships that can withstand any or all of these conditions?

True friendships withstand the test of time and the changes that can put obstacles in the way of a stress-free relationship. That is, it’s easy to be friends with someone who is available, who you have much in common with, and who you agree with on most issues.

I’ve learned that true friendship does not have much to do with what you have in common, though, of course, commonalities are needed, especially since they bring you together. What holds your friendship together is a deep love and concern for the other person’s well being. You care, so you continue to be there for that person.

Friends show up in times of trouble. During my crazy beautiful health journey, I have found out who my true friends are. Who those 3am friends really are. For those friends that decided to move on, I continue to pray for you and only want the best for you.

True friends are honest with each other, and they accept the other person’s honesty. They do not let petty arguments come between them. They forgive each other. They realize that they don’t always have to agree.

True friends give you the freedom to have other friends. They are secure enough to know that if you are a worthy friend, they do not have to do anything to persuade you to spend time with them. They know you have enough love in your heart for all your friendships.

True friends are not difficult to meet up with, and they aren’t hard to keep in touch with, if they live far away. While we all get busy at times, true friends inform each other that their friendship is still important, and both of them make an effort.

Over the years, I have had some friends who pulled out a calendar and listed a handful of dates over the next few months that they could schedule a time to see me. Hmm, I thought, I’m busy too (dying can take up a lot of one’s time), but it shouldn’t be that difficult to find time to spend together. In contrast, I have multiple friends that a quick phone call or text and we are meeting up within hours to catch up.

True friendships are those that bring out the best in you. Your friend should give you energy – not drain it.  How many times have we stayed in relationships simply because the person was present, but deep down we know they aren’t good for us? When possible we should clear our lives of people who drain us and leave space to foster relationships that fill us up with hope and make us a better person.

I believe the mark of a true friendship is intimacy – your friends know and wants to know what is happening in your life. On some level, they stay involved in your life. Indeed, that’s the mark of a true friend.

It goes without saying that to have true friends, we must work at being a good friend.Even after fifty plus years, I am still learning how to be a better friend. I desire to have more friendships that can last the ups and downs of this journey called life. ~OC