Either Way I Win

In 2019, after almost eighteen years of major health battles and being told on multiple occasions that I only had hours left to live, I experienced a beautiful miracle from God.

At that point in 2019, doctors believed I only had weeks remaining. The situation looked impossible. The circumstances seemed hopeless. Yet Jesus stepped into the middle of the story and reminded me that He always has the final say.

It was a true miracle.

Since that miracle, however, my journey has not been without additional challenges. I have endured multiple serious battles with COVID and also suffered a stroke. Today, my health journey has entered its twenty-fourth year.

Over those years, countless people have prayed for my complete healing. I am deeply grateful for every prayer, every encouraging message, every act of kindness, and every person who has stood beside me during difficult seasons. Those prayers have meant more than I could ever adequately express.

But as I have prayed about my health and spent time talking with Jesus, I have found myself reflecting on this journey from a different perspective.

I think about the many patients I have met over the years.

I think about the hospital rooms.

I think about the waiting rooms.

I think about the difficult conversations.

I think about the opportunities God has given me to pray with people, encourage people, and remind people that they are not alone.

Some Christians have viewed my health journey as something negative. They have looked at the diagnoses, the treatments, the setbacks, and the ongoing battles and wondered why God has not completely removed them.

But I have never viewed my journey that way.

I have always seen it as an opportunity.

An opportunity to share the love of Jesus.

An opportunity to share the hope of Jesus.

An opportunity to remind hurting people that God is still faithful even when life is difficult.

As I think about this, I am reminded of others whom God has used powerfully despite significant challenges.

I think about the Apostle Paul, who prayed for the “removal of his thorn in the flesh”, yet God told him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul went on to impact the world with the Gospel despite his ongoing struggles. 

I think about Joni Eareckson Tada, whose life and testimony have inspired millions around the world.

I think about Nick Vujicic, who was born without arms and legs yet continues to share the Gospel with millions across the globe.

I think about Billy Graham, who faithfully preached Christ throughout seasons of physical weakness and aging.

I think about Eric LeGrand, whose courage and faith have encouraged countless people through adversity.

None of these individuals allowed their struggles to define them. Instead, they allowed God to use them right where they were. 

Their stories remind us that God’s power is not limited by our circumstances.

Throughout my own health journey, God has repeatedly shown me that my willingness to continue sharing the love and hope of Jesus during difficult seasons has encouraged others who are walking through storms of their own.

Sometimes we assume that our greatest ministry will happen after God removes our struggle.

But what if God wants to use us in the middle of the struggle?

What if the very battle we are asking Him to remove is the place where He is doing some of His greatest work?

What if our pain becomes a platform for His glory?

What if our scars become evidence of His faithfulness?

I still believe Jesus heals.

I still believe miracles happen.

After all, I am living proof that they do.

And maybe Jesus will choose to perform another miracle in my life on this side of Heaven.

Maybe He will completely restore every area of my health.

I certainly welcome the prayers everyone continues to pray for my healing.

But perhaps God is using this season exactly as it is.

Perhaps there are people I can reach because of this journey that I could never reach otherwise.

Perhaps there are conversations that happen because of these challenges that would never happen without them.

Perhaps Jesus has me planted exactly where He wants me.

So if God leads you, please continue praying for my healing.

But also pray that Jesus continues to use me.

Pray that I remain faithful.

Pray that I continue to encourage others.

Pray that I continue sharing His love and hope wherever He opens a door.

Because whether I receive another miracle here on earth or whether God continues to use me in the middle of this battle, my victory is already secure in Christ.

If He heals me completely here on earth, I win.

If He uses my story to bring hope to others, I win.

If He uses my struggles to point people toward Jesus, I win.

And one day, whether through healing here or perfect healing in Heaven, I will stand in the presence of my Savior completely restored.

Either way, I win.

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21)

And that is a victory no illness can ever take away. ~OC